Newlywed and DB-ing (part 3)

[funbun]

I'm confused by what she said here. She told me to not announce it? Now I'm the once that misunderstood?

Actually, allow me to amend this. After reading again her messages yesterday, her point was for me not to announce it on SM. When people ask, I should just inform them directly that I am divorced. She just doesn't want a written divorce announcement on the internet. However, I simply do not want to keep telling people that I am divorced, it brings up bad memories and thoughts.

Am I the a$$hole here for wanting to make a brief announcement on SM?

[SteveLW]

No funbun. And man you are not detached. At this point I'd have this woman blocked everywhere. Texts, calls, emails, SM. She is still trying to control you..... Because she knows she can.

Announce it on SM. Or don't. Because you want to it do not want to. So not way he wishes in at all. She's a spoiled, selfish, and manipulative brat. How you don't see i that is beyond me.

[Thornton]

Pure manipulation.

When my ex decided she wanted out, she was evil. It was like a switch went off and I was demonized. While she was preparing to move out, one day she came to me and was suddenly nice. She asked to talk to me so I sat down with her to hear her out.

She wanted to know if I would give her $2,900 that she had spent on groceries (that was her only financial contribution to our relationship for the past few years. I paid our rent, insurance, all entertainment, expenses etc) so she could afford to get furniture for her new place. I told her I would think about it and let her know the following week. She was nice as a peach that week while I thought about things.

Then she asked me one day if I had made a decision. I told her I wasn’t going to “pay her back for buying groceries for our family”. Immediately she flipped back into devil mode and told me “this just proves to me who you are”.

Looking back, I’m SO glad I didn’t fall for her manipulation. She knew I was hurting and played on my emotions to try and get money out of me. Evil.

[SteveLW]

Thornton, thank you for using the word "evil". I almost used that word to describe Funbun's STBXW. But wasn't sure if he was ready to have her called that. However, what she is doing to him is evil. It is crazy that after all she has dragged this guy through that she thinks she still gets a say in how he handles himself post-D.

Funbun, how is GAL coming? Have you met any new women? If not, why not? Why aren't you living your best life and leaving this woman in the dust? Seriously consider blocking her EVERYWHERE now that the papers are signed. You tell whomever you want about whatever you want whenever you want.

You got those Fun! You are going to be awesome moving forward!!!

[Ready2Change]

Your first text message to her was not needed. Do you understand why?

There is no point in attempting to reason or explain things or have her listen to you.

I have seen some examples of evil spouses. I do not believe yours is. I could be wrong. Who cares??? You are able to break all ties with this woman. Be extremely grateful that you do not have children with this woman and have to deal with that.

Do not put another woman on a pedestal. They are just ordinary people. Find an honest woman that adores you. Do not rush into it. Take your time. Enjoy the process of searching.

[funbun]

Looking back, I’m SO glad I didn’t fall for her manipulation. She knew I was hurting and played on my emotions to try and get money out of me. Evil.

Thank you for sharing me your story Thornton. I doubt myself sometimes. It hard for me to tell whether I am doing the right thing. Having you and Steve point out that this is manipulation is validating. I am learning to identify manipulation and learning to stand up for myself.

Funbun, how is GAL coming? Have you met any new women? If not, why not? Why aren't you living your best life and leaving this woman in the dust? Seriously consider blocking her EVERYWHERE now that the papers are signed. You tell whomever you want about whatever you want whenever you want.

You got those Fun! You are going to be awesome moving forward!!!

I was GAL-ing pretty well before STBXW reached out to me. I am currently taking things slowly, making sure I manage my emotions and trying not to fall into a state of despair. I was feeling pretty down yesterday and took a day off from work, went and saw a new IC, had a haircut, met with a friend. I am feeling much calmer now.

I am comfortable around women and decent looking. So, I don't think I will have a lot of problems when it comes to attracting another woman. However, I am not actively looking for a new relationship right now. That would be disrespectful to my marriage and will not look good on my part.

I will take things slow. Go through the healing process before finding a good woman. I will fix my abandonment and anxiety issues, and learn to enjoy being alone. For the next serious relationship that I will have, I will do it right and apply what I've learned during this time.

I have seen some examples of evil spouses. I do not believe yours is. I could be wrong. Who cares??? You are able to break all ties with this woman. Be extremely grateful that you do not have children with this woman and have to deal with that.

I do not think she is evil. Selfish, yes. Misguided, yes. What's important is the woman she is now is poison to me and I cannot be with such a person.

Do not put another woman on a pedestal. They are just ordinary people.

What I am also beginning to realize is that the woman that I love is not the same woman that STBXW is currently. I love who she was before: this affectionate, charming, strong and funny person. I mourn not for STBXW, but for the fact that I am losing the woman that I love, that is no longer here or perhaps never even existed.

[funbun]

I forgot to update,

I'll be seeing her family tomorrow (she won't be there), to pay my respects and to say goodbye before the big D. A sort of closure if you want to call it that. It's something that I want to do. They were good to me. I am calm and I will handle it gracefully.

She wants to do the same thing. She contacted my parents but they refused to reply to her. I feel sorry for her, but also at the same time, it's none of my business. I won't intervene.

[SteveLW]

I don't feel a bit sorry for her. This is her bed she made. She gets to lie in it.

fun, I can't remember if you are in IC or not? I really see you being stuck here. I would highly suggest some get IC to help you move on.

[bttrfly]

I was GAL-ing pretty well before STBXW reached out to me. I am currently taking things slowly, making sure I manage my emotions and trying not to fall into a state of despair. I was feeling pretty down yesterday and took a day off from work, went and saw a new IC, had a haircut, met with a friend. I am feeling much calmer now.

I am comfortable around women and decent looking. So, I don't think I will have a lot of problems when it comes to attracting another woman. However, I am not actively looking for a new relationship right now. That would be disrespectful to my marriage and will not look good on my part.

I will take things slow. Go through the healing process before finding a good woman. I will fix my abandonment and anxiety issues, and learn to enjoy being alone. For the next serious relationship that I will have, I will do it right and apply what I've learned during this time.

great idea. this ensures long-term success.

[funbun]

fun, I can't remember if you are in IC or not? I really see you being stuck here. I would highly suggest some get IC to help you move on.

Not on a regular basis, no. I went a total of 5 times since the start of my sitch. Most of IC here operate on a needs basis. I go to one when I feel I need it. It's not on a regular schedule. Here in my country, counseling and therapy services are far and few.

I went to a new IC in town two days ago. I could tell he was an amateur. He fumbled on a few responses that he gave and I didn't feel any better after an hour with him. He was even checking on his phone as I was talking. No thanks.

The old counsellor that I had was better. Though, a bit more expensive.