It’s been a long time since I posted. Time sure flies when you are having fun... ha ha. A lot of changes in my life but also a lot has stayed the same. I am about six weeks into my new job. A few challenges in the beginning with staff who didn’t get the proper orientation to their positions and there had been some “program drift”. I worried about having to do too much micro managing but I seem to have won people over and now they are seeking me out for my input and seem to trust that what Im asking them to do is ultimately for their benefit. Ive had feedback that Ive done more in six weeks than my predecessor did in a year and that I’m around more. Also the atmosphere is pretty lighthearted and we are laughing a lot so it feels good. I am happy and proud to say that I’m becoming the kind of boss that I like to have. It’s been a great move for me.
Some changes to my personal life. Jack went back home and he and I have resolved to remain friends. We love each other but we both know we don’t have a future together. I was glad to have his company for a couple months but I know in my heart, and mind, that we don’t have a future together and our relationship and kind of run its course. We are just in different places in our lives and there wasn’t really any getting around it. He is coming by on Saturday at my daughters request. His birthday is next week and she wanted to have a little birthday party for him. She had gotten him a party hat and goofy glasses to wear so asked me if it would be okay. I made it a lunch party so he could return home without staying over.
Brook reached out to me again a couple weeks ago and we have been texting off and on. It has been great talking with him again. I still think he and I are a lot alike and he is exactly the kind of person I see myself with in the future but I’m not getting too excited about it given how things went last time. But...you never know. Well see, I guess.
Have started doing more yard work than I am used to and Ive actually been enjoying it. There is a lot of satisfaction when you can make an outside area look nice. My kids have also done some work. Told them I would pay them $5 for every large bucket of dandelions they managed to pick. My daughter is pretty good at it. She could bankrupt me...lol.
My area has been doing really well flattening the curve. No new cases for the past two or three days. They’ve done over 18,000 tests and only 126 of those tests came back positive for CV19. 120 of those have recovered fully. One is in hospital but not in ICU and unfortunately the other five passed away. Still...pretty good numbers for an area of this size. Stores and services are starting to open up again albeit with lots of precautions still in place. Well know better in a couple weeks how we are doing with the additional freedoms that have been given to us.
Anyway...l need to hit the hay. Thinking of all of you and hoping you are all healthy and safe. (((HUGS)))
Only 126 positives? My city has had an average of about 150 positive per day every day for the last 2 months and we are NOT considered a hot spot. Our curve is flat but not yet declining; and the neighboring county just had a surge of Covid hospital admissions so their hospitals are on bypass and their excess cases coming to us. Using surveillance data from other places that put the estimate of mild and asymptomatic cases at 9 for every one identified case, I estimate that roughly one in 100 people in my city have been infected so far.
Congrats to you on settling in to your job! I imagine DBing skills are useful as a manager too, no?
As for Jack and Brook - just make sure you aren't booting Jack again in favor of Brook, since Brook did turn out to be a bit of a flake. Let Brook come to you - don't do all the work. If he can't put the effort in, he's not the one for you.
KML... I cannot fathom how tough things must be for all of you right now. There is such discrepancy between different areas and who knows why. In Canada, the east got hit way harder than the west and there is some thought that it might be due to Spring Break happening in Quebec a week earlier than in other parts of the country. Our provincial government has been doing daily updates and reminders on television since all of this started. Anyone not adhering to social distancing was pretty much shamed into compliance. They did start to fine people but that only happened a few times in more heavily populated areas before people started to really figure it out. Now physical distancing is just pretty much a way of life. My kids are adapting to online school like champs and get their social contact virtually or from a distance. I live on Vancouver Island and there is now only one identified case here (and it's a big island!!) and that poor person is in the hospital. They emptied the hospitals to prepare for the influx of patients that never came so elective surgeries are starting up again next week apparently. Brook is a nurse and he has actually been working less than usual. Also a factor is that ferry service to the Island was greatly reduced so people just aren't coming here unless they have to. I think that has really helped as well.
Re: my break up with Jack. He was definitely not tossed aside in favour of Brook. I have no idea why Brook reached out to me when he did but it was long after I had decided in my mind that my relationship with Jack had run its course. I had predicted that us sharing space was going to be a make or break move and it definitely was. He tried really hard to settle into "domestic bliss" and I know there were parts of it that he really liked but, at the end of the day, we both realized that he probably isn't stepfather or partner material at this stage of his life and there are too many differences between us for it to work long term. Jack loves me because I am really good to him and I don't think he has been in a relationship with someone like me before. He also thinks of me as his best friend and missed me a lot the last time we split. I think if we can manage to stay friends, we will both be very glad we made this decision. I had actually been thinking of ways to broach the subject with him for a week or two when he finally brought it up. I told him every time I heard the song "Scared to be Lonely", I would think of us and that probably wasn't a good sign. There is a reason that, after a year, I haven't met his family and that I don't really talk about him to my friends (other than the really close ones) or think of a future with him in it. We both know, on some level, that this is not a "forever" relationship and I know that calling it quits was a good decision. I know it because the second we made it, it felt like a 1,000 pound weight had just lifted off my shoulders and I've been really happy ever since. Also, since he left, we have had very little contact and I haven't really missed him. That, to me, is also a sign we made the right decision.
When I think of the future, I think of being with a nameless, faceless guy who is around my age, is probably a dad (so he gets my responsibilities), has similar values as me and wants to retire in ten or so years and spend a lot of time traveling. Now Brook is exactly that guy "on paper" but I have no idea if he is that in real life or if our emotional attraction to one another will translate into a physical one. The good news is that, unlike last time, I'm not getting carried away with the whole romantic idea of first loves becoming last loves. It would make a great story if it happened but I've really taken a step back from the idea. I have also let him make most of the effort this time around. I think he can probably sense that because he is the one initiating about 95% of our conversations. And...he finally suggested we get together face-to-face and said it is "long overdue". He doesn't quite have his work schedule figured out for next week but he says as soon as he does, we can pick a day for him to come down for a visit. I joked that as soon as we decide on a day there would be a rock slide on the highway preventing him from getting here...lol. Guess we will see...
It’s nice to see you settling into your new job so well. I’m glad it’s turned out to be such a great move. As if there was any doubt.
Your locale has similar numbers of a Covid as mine. My province of over just over 2 million has 292 cases total. 269 fully recovered. Almost 38000 people tested and only 290 cases. Doing pretty well here in middle North America.
When sensational local news stores became unavailable, the media ran big presentations about the latest flare up of 4 more cases. Then the next few that trickled in from the same work place over the next few days. The running count of cases and new inflections (which is zero) hasn’t changed for a week. The news is now how many days we have gone without a new case.
Weird when compared to other places. Totally grateful for that. I suspect you have similar outlooks.
Originally Posted by DeJaVu6
I think of being with a nameless, faceless guy who is around my age, is probably a dad (so he gets my responsibilities), has similar values as me and wants to retire in ten or so years...
Oh so close. I currently plan on retiring in 2 or 3 years at age 55.
And I got a face and a name. Shucks, missed on lots of counts. Only got the Dad part and values. LOL.
It is nice to hear from you.
Have a wonderful day.
DnJ
Feelings are fleeting. Be better, not bitter. Love the person, forgive the sin.
Thought I would drop by and say hello. It’s been awhile.
DnJ... LOL. Face and a name. That’s hilarious. The dad part and values...hugely in your favour!!! If only you were a bit closer...
CV19 situation on VI still really really good. No new cases in over a month now and while we are still practicing social distancing and large venues like community centres, movie theatres, etc... are still closed. But most stores have reopened (albeit with restrictions on how many people are allowed inside) and things are inching toward normal. Ferry services have resumed (very restricted before) but also with precautions in place... no cafeteria, vending machines, people remain in their cars or wear masks if in passenger areas. People are allowed to gather in smaller groups. Children are once again playing outside and family and friends are getting together again. Job is going well still although courts have not been sitting so I only have one client and one assessment on the go. A lot of downtime at work when I’m not in meetings so I’ve been taking a lot of online courses and researching random work-related topics online to add an educational component to weekly team meetings. My staff has gotten used to me and feedback is that everyone is pretty happy.
Update on my love life...
Where I last left off... I had a date arranged with Brook. Yeah... you probably can guess... it didn’t happen. He canceled due to work...he said. I went to my friends’ place at the lake for a couple days and didn’t hear from him. Sent a text a couple days later with a picture and a short blurb about it... no reply. Granted the text did not ask for a reply but usually he acknowledges them. Sent another random text a few days after that. Again...no response. A third text a couple days later asking if everything okay cause hadn’t heard from him...no response and I know he wasn’t dead. Anyway...at that point, I got a bit triggered and sent a text saying that I didn’t know what was going on with him but I expected more from him and I’m moving on. We are still Facebook friends but haven’t had any direct contact for a few weeks. I was disappointed but clearly we were in different places. Maybe we will have contact in the future, maybe not but suffice it to say, it is his loss.
Jack and I have had very little contact. The odd text now and then which I don’t initiate. I know he is actively trying to forget about us and I need to let him do it even though I do miss our friendship.
So now that CV19 has abated somewhat, I decided to give OLD another try and see who is out there. Took the online dating coaches advice and have swiped right on more people than I usually would so when one person doesn’t work out, you still have other people to meet. Stops you from putting all your eggs into one basket and opens you up to more possibilities. So...that’s what I’ve done. Wow!! They weren’t wrong. So far I’ve had one date that was quite pleasant (walk and a coffee). He sent me a passive temp check text a couple days later that I think he was probably hoping would prompt me to ask him out but I didn’t bite. He was nice but I didn’t feel any kind of a romantic attraction toward him. I have another walk and coffee date tonight with a different guy who looks pretty cool. We’ve had a few conversations but got to the “let’s meet” stage pretty quickly which I appreciate. Like the last guy, we haven’t talked enough for there to be any expectations so no idea how this is going to go and am open to whatever. I’m also in regular contact with a guy in my neighbourhood who is a couple years older than me. He matches up pretty well with me on paper but I’m starting to feel like he might be a bit too Type A for me. He has a masters in health administration and was running a few hospitals in our health authority before they restructured and bought him out. So he’s practicing retirement and “looking for a new gig” and seems to spend most of his days hiking, climbing and SUP. He’s been “interviewing” me pretty hard and tbh, it’s starting to get a bit tiresome. He’s also one of those people who will start a conversation and then disappear half way through without warning and come back two hours later. I know this is the practice these days but I still would prefer someone tell me they have things to do and will catch up later. So...without going into detail, I have three other potentials that I’ve been talking to that I may meet at some point...one guy who lives about an hour from me who is my age and has similar experiences is particularly promising (6’3”, single dad of three adult boys, likes hockey and golf, is a manager of some sort, etc...). We both have next week off so I imagine will find some time to meet. Anyway... I’m having fun, keeping my expectations low and just going with the flow and it feels pretty great.
In other news... SD20 has been living with me for a couple months now and it has been going great. Love having her around. She is super fun and we get along really well. It’s been a gift having her here. She met with her dad a couple weeks ago and sadly it didn’t go well. From her description, it sounds as if he basically went into defensive mode and invalidated her feelings. Tried to convince her that she was seeing things in the wrong way instead of acknowledging her experience and owning his behaviour. The kicker was when she asked him why he wanted a relationship with her now, he replied “because I’m happy now.” In other words... “it has been and still is all about me”. Sigh. I am sad for her. Every kid should have a good relationship with their parents. So...she has basically disowned him in her head. I am staying out of it. When she has mentioned him, I validate her feelings but also suggest to her that life is long and not to make any major decisions she might regret in the future. XH is leaving her alone currently but OW reached out to her yesterday wanting to get to know her and hear her side of things. I told her it was completely up to her and that I think OW is genuine in her desire to get to know her. She is a good kid so is considering it but also says that meeting and getting to know OW is of no benefit to her and she already has a stepmother and doesn’t want or need another one. Again...I am staying out of it. Not my monkeys, not my circus. XH and I are doing fine on the coparenting front which is my only concern at this point. Other than that, he is out of my life and I rarely think about him anymore.
Anyway...that’s my update. Have to get ready for work so no time to get caught up on others’ threads but will find some time to do so soon. (((HUGS))) to you all!!! DV6 xo
So...another update. CV19 situation where I live is still really good. No new cases for about two months now. Physical distancing is still in place but people are definitely relaxing a bit from an emotional perspective.
OLD adventures continue. Been on a few more first dates since I last posted. No real desire to have a second date with any of them. Just no spark or any kind of excitement at the prospect of seeing them again. Felt bad about one guy as he was super nice and interested in a second date but I just had to go with my gut. He was so cool about it, though, I almost reconsidered.
Had a “false start” with someone earlier in the week. That one was a bit of a blow. I must have gone through a couple hundred profiles on Tinder when I ran across a guy who looked just my “type”. Tallish, attractive (but not in a “full of himself” way), funny and intelligent. So I swiped right and got a match about five minutes later. I said “hi...you have no idea how many profiles I had to swipe left on before I got to you!!” HIs reply... “Hi. You are (twin)‘s sister, right?” Huh?!: Ummm...yeah.... turns out he worked with my sister over 15 years ago for about six months. What are the odds?? Anyway, we talked a lot over two days and were really excited to meet one another (sister confirmed he is a nice guy) and then I didn’t hear from him for two days and got a feeling that something was up. Thursday night, I get a text from him confirming what I had felt. He lives about an hour and a half away and, like me, has his son half time and a good job (we both work for the government) so won’t be able to live anywhere else anytime soon. From our conversations, he figured out that I am in the same boat as him. So...it’s a long distance relationship primarily seeing each other on weekends and holidays only. He said he thought long and hard and realized that isn’t enough for him. So...he decided he didn’t want to meet me in person as he “doesn’t want to fall for someone he can’t see every day.” I’m a firm believer in “where there’s a will, there’s a way” and also that I’d rather spend 30% of my time with the right person than 100% of my time with the wrong person but I get that not everyone is like that. So I just thanked him for being up front and not ghosting me and left it at that. Not gonna lie though...that one was really disappointing as he was the first guy I’ve been excited about since Brook.
I do have a “date” of sorts today which is a bit interesting. For those of you who have been following along, you may remember Facebook Guy from last year. Well...we’ve maintained a periodic texting friendship but haven’t actually been in each other’s presence since I got together with Jack last April. Anyway... we had an exchange a week or so ago where he asked about Jack and I told him we had broken up about six weeks before. Didn’t think much of it and then got a text out of the blue on Wednesday saying he was thinking about coming to my town and wondered if I might want to hang out. After 15 months?? Ummm...okay. So...he texted me yesterday to say he was coming up in the morning and planned to visit his aunt first and then come to my place at around 11. Anyway...it will be good to see him. Even though he seemed on the fence in terms of a romantic relationship (as was I), we did really get along and I like his energy a lot as a person. So...no expectations. Just going to enjoy hanging out with a friend.
Still have not met Type A guy in my neighbourhood and don’t think I am going to meet him unless I reach out. He’s been texting me almost daily for about two weeks. It got kind of old, so the last few times, I’ve been minimally responsive. I last heard from him on Monday when he asked me if I had any questions for him and I replied... “Can’t think of any at the moment. Packing up to head home.” Just didn’t have the energy or inclination to think of anything which I’m sure he interpreted as “not interested”. Not upset about it since I talked with him enough that I think it is highly unlikely we are a match.
Haven’t had any communication with Jack for about three weeks. I’ve picked up my phone a couple times with the thought of saying “hi” and “how are you” but thought better of it. I miss his friendship but I know he is trying to move forward and hearing from me might make that harder to do. It would be selfish of me to contact him so I just need to let him go. Break-ups really do suck.
Relationship with XH is still fairly stable in that we are doing well as co parents. Not sure what is going on but he wasn’t able to pay me his share of child expenses at the end of the month. Have to wait until next week. Also OW has been unwell again and underwent some procedure last week that involved surgery. I took the kids so he could be there for her. I just shake my head at this new life he has created for himself. Seems like there are some hard days ahead of him. I’m just hoping it won’t impact our children too much.
So that’s a synopsis of my life these days. Wishing all of you a healthy, enjoyable summer. (((HUGS)))
I do enjoy reading your OLD experiences. I do agree with you - do not call Jack.
A few of your dates sounded like good matches; it’s unfortunate the on-paper version of the guy didn’t show up. Keep looking I suppose, it’s a big world and diamonds are out there. Heck, even a ruby, or sapphire, or emerald. Everyone is a gem and shines in their own way, you wisely know it’s about compatibility.
Nice to hear you and SD20 getting along so well. And yes, I’m pretty sure she has disowned her Dad in her head and heart somewhat. My own kids are there with their Mom as well. Three years of being ignored will do that. It can be built again, with work. However, as you said, not our circus, not our monkeys.
Glad work is settled in, with your staff accepting you and things looking positive. My vocation never had a slow down due to Covid; it got busier. Good for you taking training and courses in this slower time, things will pick up and get busy again. Probably very busy as the backlog starts coming through.
Things with XH sound reasonable as coparenting moves forward. It’s ok to cut him some slack once in a while over late payments for child expenses. However, you don’t want that becoming the norm.
Not much we can do but shake our heads as we look upon their crafted lives and the consequences from the choices they’ve made. Keep keeping your side of the street clean, and doing right for the kids.
Loved the synopsis and update of your life.
Wish good health and summer for you too.
D
Feelings are fleeting. Be better, not bitter. Love the person, forgive the sin.
Maybe we will have contact in the future, maybe not but suffice it to say, it is his loss.
No - don't have any more contact with Brook. He's revealed that he's an inconsiderate A$$, why would you want anything more to do with him? Don't make any more excuses for him. NEXT!
I'm jealous that Covid is so well controlled where you are. My city has gone from a steady 150 new cases a day to 450-500 new cases a day in the last couple of weeks. ICU beds are filling up though we are not in such dire straits as parts of Arizona, Florida and Texas are. Thankfully masks have been required here since the beginning of May and people are pretty compliant in the stores where I shop (I don't really go anywhere else besides work.)
thx for the update. sounds like your life is drama free which is such a blessing after all any of us here have been through. wishing you a happy summer DV xoxo
M 20+ T25+ S ~15.5 (BD) BD 4/6/15 D 12/23/16
"Someone I loved once gave me A box full of darkness. It took me years to understand, That this too, was a gift." ~ Mary Oliver
