Not much new in my life currently...just more of the same. TDH and I continue to talk on the phone most nights. Friday for about two hours with texting in between cause he couldn’t sleep...lol. We have talked about a ton of things. On Friday, it was the death of our father’s and the impact that has had. He got quite emotional talking about it as he lost his dad at the age of 20. We also talked about the prospect of a LDR and he feels he same way I do. We’re only a ferry ride apart and we both prefer quality of time over quantity. Plus he is adamant that it has always been in his plans to move here so if we went the distance, we’d eventually live together anyways. I don’t’ think I would have been too enthusiastic about this 15 or 20 years ago when I was wanting to have a family but my wants and needs are different now and a weekends-only relationship is actually pretty appealing on a lot of levels. Anyway...his nephew tested negative so four more sleeps and we will find out if the connection is as strong in person as it is on the phone. Not nervous AT all.
Sounds like things are going well. Good for you! Great news that his nephew tested negative for Covid.
Me 52, H53 Bomb drop 9/29/2014 Divorce from XH final 12/17/2014 Marriage #2 12/31/2019 5 adult (step)daughters (3 from XH's first marriage, 2 from current H's previous relationships) 6 grandkids
One last check in before my weekend with TDH. Groceries are bought. House is clean. We have a plan to watch the hockey game tomorrow night as both of us are Vancouver fans. Not sure when he is getting here as there have been lots of one and two sailing waits even for walk-ons. I’m really confident we will enjoy each other’s company because we have talked so much. I just don’t know about the physical attraction so am super nervous but also excited. Pretty sure I won’t get a whole lot of work done tomorrow. Gotta try and get a good night’s sleep. One thing I have noticed about being in my 50s is that when you don’t get a good night’s sleep, it shows. So that’s my big goal for the evening...lol.
LIfe for XH and OW continues to be super challenging. She is back in the local hospital still waiting for a transplant. When that happens she will have to go to the mainland and be there for three months. He’s going to be travelling back and forth for the foreseeable future and I think life is going to get pretty stressful for him. Been trying to support him as much as I can from a distance. In the past when he was going through something hard, he would lean on me pretty heavily but those days are gone. All I can do is wish him well and be there for our kids when he can’t be.
Anyway...wish me luck. Will update everyone next week sometime. (((HUGS)))
FML!! I”m starting to think that maybe I am just doomed when it comes to my love life. So...after anticipating his arrival all day, I get a text at about 3:30 saying that he isn’t coming and that his son is “going crazy” ... like he thinks his dad isn’t coming back. He is apparently calling me later. Seriously?!? I imagined a lot of ways this could go wrong but an epic temper tantrum from an 11 year-old was not one that I had considered. He told me his son had “issues” but I did not anticipate this at all. Anyway...this should be an interesting phone call. It’s going to be very difficult for me not to give my two cents given what I do for a living but wow. I’m actually at a loss for words. Anyway...making my curry for my sister and her husband and watching the hockey game. Not exactly how I saw my evening going but what can you do?
Ginger... yes...the plan was for him to stay at my house. I wasn’t too worried about it. My MIL is downstairs and I have talked with TDH to get a good feel for the kind of person he is. Who knows. He may never make it here if he can’t stand up to his son. Bizarre.
Big. Red. Flag. Unfortunately one of the big dangers of OLD is people not being who they claim to be. Often the red flag is when plans to meet get put off repeatedly. Might mean his girlfriend came back into town unexpectedly, or he doesn’t resemble his photos, or he’s hiding something else It’s the reason why I recommend meeting for coffee early before you start feeling like you have a relationship (a rule I confess to having broken twice with good enough results but generally it has saved me from lots of things).
Now it’s possible his son has some kind of problem - autism, trauma related anxiety or such. But it’s also possible he has no intention of actually meeting in real life.
Thanks KML. I don’t think this is about him not wanting to meet though. He has talked to me about his son before so this is not outside the realm of normal...for him. I just don’t think TDH was prepared for the meltdown over him leaving for a couple days. Anyway...that is just what I gleaned from the text and previous conversations. I have a few more questions now, that’s for sure. We’ll see what he says when we talk. 20 minutes until the start of the hockey game.
Well...it is 1:20 a.m. and I can’t sleep. Didn’t hear from TDH all Friday and then Saturday morning got a text “Crazy night...”. So I texted him back and asked if he was going to call me or just send me “drive-by texts” which is the nickname I have given his one line seemingly pointless texts that he sends randomly throughout the day. Anyway...he didn’t respond so I sent him another one asking him to call me. An hour later, I’m irritated so I did what I have promised myself numerous times I wouldn’t do and sent him a text that basically said that I thought it was rude that he hadn’t called me yet and that if I were him and he was me, I would have called him the first chance I had, apologized profusely for cancelling last minute and then talk to him about a possible Plan B.
So after I had calmed down and returned to my normal self, I realized that I have no idea how bad things were with his son since it sounds like it affected his evening too and I had come across like a needy person with no life. I mean, if this was a friend of mine who had had to cancel, I would have been like “no problem” and just made other plans. But this triggered something in me I didn’t know was there and I am feeling like a total idiot. Anyway, I sent an apology text an hour later (he didn’t answer my call...gee why?) but pretty sure the damage was done as I haven’t heard from him at all and I don’t expect to. I wasn’t overly rude in my text but I was definitely lectury (probably to a word) and finger-wagging which is, as we know, highly unattractive.
KML I usually have the same rule as you about not talking too long before meeting. I have followed it with every one I have met this time around except for TDH because of how far apart we live. I had jokingly said when the whole thing with his nephew came up that it gave me one more week for him to like me more. I forgot that it did the same for me and now I’m paying for it.
Anyway...XH was going to keep our kids until Tuesday but I texted him that my weekend plans fell through and that he could bring them back earlier if he needed to and that I would welcome the distraction. So he texted back that he was sorry my plans fell through and that he could bring them back Sunday night after dinner. I have the next two weeks off so am hoping to make some staycation plans with them for this week. The following week, I have plans to go to Vancouver one night for my pool team reunion. Totally psyched about that. It will be great to see those guys.
(((HUGS))) to all. I hope your weekends turned out way better than mind.
I’m sorry it didn’t work out with the latest guy and I can understand you’re really frustrated. Surviving D is a great place to learn things especially in the dating world. I’ve noticed in several of your posts you will text guys 3-4 times with out a response. IMO that makes you come off as being needy and sometimes unstable. Rarely should you double text without a response. NEVER do you quadruple text.
Your latest situation IMO should be handled as follows:
I’m sorry to hear about your son and I completely understand. Text me later and let me know how’s he’s doing. Then you wait. He doesn’t text you move on. He texts you let him set up the next date. If he doesn’t set one up in a reasonable amount of time you move on.
After many failed attempts, I had to look up FML. Lol.
My best guess was - foolish male looser.
Sorry your plans didn’t go as expected. I do agree with kml - big red flag.
Anyhow, you have cut this guy a lot of slack over the last few weeks. Yes, a child’s meltdown might derail his plans. But phones work. He has had plenty of time to call you. Big Red Flag, IMHO.
Personally, I cheered as you sent that lectury text. And don’t worry about damage done - that happened long before that text. His hours and hours of silence did that. You deserve better. Let this one go. You don’t need this.
Hmmmm. I am thinking my interpretation of FML may not be that far off.
It was nice to see XH had a kind and somewhat empathic response. A testament to your coparenting.
D
Feelings are fleeting. Be better, not bitter. Love the person, forgive the sin.
