STBXW sent a long text talking about she has reasons for ending the marriage, “it takes two to proceed into a marriage that came from a relationship that clearly wasn’t working”, how at least she was “man enough to admit her mistake from the beginning” and then apologizing for not being brave enough to cut off the engagement and the wedding and then go on saying that now she is brave enough to own up to her mistake.
The difference between us is while she believes this relationship is not worth saving. I believe in the fact that relationship takes work to make it work and I saw our relationship as something workable. While she gave up.
I was about to respond with a long text of my own, but then I figured I should just tell her in person rather than through text. It was a long overdue talk, she has things she wanted to clarify and I too. I asked if she want to meet up and talk. She accepts.
We will meet up in two hours.
God, this is a bad idea isn’t it. But I have to have this talk. God. This might be a bad idea. My game plan is to listen to her, validate when I can, tell her my side of things, hold up my boundaries if she oversteps, and leave if it’s too gets bad.
I know this can turn out bad. I need to tamper my expectations. I need to be careful.
M: 28 W: 30 T: 2 years Married: Nov 2019 BD: 5 days after wedding (I know right?)
We ended up cancelling it. She was in the middle of running errands and couldn't make it and I had promise to meet up with her parents an hour after. Our time didn't match up. I decided to not force it and say "maybe another day".
M: 28 W: 30 T: 2 years Married: Nov 2019 BD: 5 days after wedding (I know right?)
I need to have one last proper R talk with her. We haven't had one for months. I guess you can call it one last ditch effort to save her. I know that's not what all of you said I should do. I know nothing will probably change. But I need to do it.
Originally Posted by Thornton
She’s patting herself on the back for ending your relationship when you just got married? Am I reading that correctly?
Yes, basically she is saying she is the better person for admitting that this doesn't work and she's the brave one for ending it. On the other hand, I think our R is worth working on. Though I also understand that it's not worth having R with someone that is unwilling.
We had an R talk this morning through texting. A honest R talk. I explained my view on things. She expressed that she feels sorry but she still believes that we were not meant to be together. I saw no point in arguing against it and simply said "okay". Then, we wished each other well before agreeing that it's best to not talk with each other anymore.
I said goodbye to her family yesterday and returned her things. That was heavy, emotionally speaking. It has been a difficult few days.
I tried to keep a cool head through it all, but to be honest, inside, I am not. I am struggling here. The D is close, and I am more anxious. I know, D is the only way now, but I can't help but feel uncomfortable.
Perhaps I should feel betrayed and angry at STBXW with what she's done. But I can't bring myself to feel angry, I just feel sad. Perhaps I should hate her, but I don't. I've been trying to detach and distract myself these 8 months, but the fact is I still love her, and the loving thing to do is to let go and find my own peace.
M: 28 W: 30 T: 2 years Married: Nov 2019 BD: 5 days after wedding (I know right?)
I can relate to how you feel. When I was in the thick of it, everyone told me I should be mad about how things played out. But I just loved my ex and had a really hard time letting go of the sadness. It took me a long time, you will get there.
It’s time for you to get passionate about something other than your W. What were your interests before you met your W?
Thank you for the reassurance Thornton. I was feeling pretty bad about myself for not being able to detach and not DB-ing well.
You’re right, I should focus on other things now. I was into videography prior to R and have doing small projects with that. A colleague of mine has offered me to join a diving course. That seems fun. I’ll get a diver’s certification at the end. Sounds like something worth having.
M: 28 W: 30 T: 2 years Married: Nov 2019 BD: 5 days after wedding (I know right?)
That sounds awesome. I’ve always wanted to learn to dive as well. You should absolutely do that. Once you get certified, perhaps you can combine videography and diving?
I need to have one last proper R talk with her. We haven't had one for months. I guess you can call it one last ditch effort to save her. I know that's not what all of you said I should do. I know nothing will probably change. But I need to do it.
Originally Posted by Thornton
She’s patting herself on the back for ending your relationship when you just got married? Am I reading that correctly?
Yes, basically she is saying she is the better person for admitting that this doesn't work and she's the brave one for ending it. On the other hand, I think our R is worth working on. Though I also understand that it's not worth having R with someone that is unwilling.
We had an R talk this morning through texting. A honest R talk. I explained my view on things. She expressed that she feels sorry but she still believes that we were not meant to be together. I saw no point in arguing against it and simply said "okay". Then, we wished each other well before agreeing that it's best to not talk with each other anymore.
I said goodbye to her family yesterday and returned her things. That was heavy, emotionally speaking. It has been a difficult few days.
I tried to keep a cool head through it all, but to be honest, inside, I am not. I am struggling here. The D is close, and I am more anxious. I know, D is the only way now, but I can't help but feel uncomfortable.
Perhaps I should feel betrayed and angry at STBXW with what she's done. But I can't bring myself to feel angry, I just feel sad. Perhaps I should hate her, but I don't. I've been trying to detach and distract myself these 8 months, but the fact is I still love her, and the loving thing to do is to let go and find my own peace.
So by need.... You mean want.
funbun, the one thing I'm so glad I learned in my sitch was to not sit and wait for anyone. Your STBXW knows she could snap her fingers at any time and have you back. That is called power. And you've done nothing in all this time to take her power away. Attraction for women begins with respect. Until you start commanding respect not only won't you attract her, but you'll never attract another woman either...
M(53), W(54),D(19) M-23, T-25 Bomb Drop - Dec.23, 2017 Ring and Piecing since March 2018
