A big fat huge a$$ YES to everything that G, bttrfly, kml, LH, fogg, and DonH (and anyone else I might have missed)said. If nothing else, PLEASE go back and read your own posts about this guy. I think Don is right that you are going to do what you want regardless of what any of us say, but I'm seriously worried for you in this situation. You believed him enough that you were angry about his admission of a girlfriend, but now you say you have talked to him for awhile and you know when someone truly doesn't know what is going on. I beg you....IMPLORE YOU....go back and read your own statements and rethink this. Sane, "normal" people just don't do stuff like this.
Let me tell you a story. Years ago, when I was young and dumb, I met a man online and we developed a relationship over the phone before we ever met in person, because of the distance between us. I ignored red flags and met him in person anyway and it was a sh!t show, so I cut my losses and moved on. I was down, lonely, in that "oh my God, my biological clock is ticking" phase that so many women go through and I happened across another man online who was from a nearby town. We talked, had a lot in common and he would say the kindest things. He was honest, as far as I knew, about his past and his previous relationship (he was divorced and had children with the XW). We shared texts and phone calls for probably longer than we should have before we met in person and that gave him the chance to really talk a big game, much like your TDH did. I got sucked in by it and went out with him a few times and everything seemed normal enough. He was cute, had a job, was involved in his kids' lives despite not being with their mom. But, when I started doing a little digging, he unraveled. His XW was psycho and she started calling me at all hours of the day and night and I found out that he'd been living with her, despite his telling me he was living somewhere else and he even took me to another house that I THOUGHT he had been living in. He had basically latched onto me because I made good money at that time, owned a house in a nice small town, had a nice truck that was paid for, and he thought his sweet talk was going to earn him a key to my door and a permanent spot in my bed. He started "innocently" enough, just like your TDH, telling me he had always wanted to move to my area and then less subtly just basically asking me if he could move in because his "roommate" was ready for him to go. There was a lot of crap that went down after that, but I ran far and fast and he still tried to contact me, ask me out, showed up at my house until I finally told him if he didn't get the f*^&*(&*(& away from me I was calling the cops and then I was going to blow his a$$ off my front porch with a shot gun while we were waiting for the cops to arrive. Because he had met my dad and brother and knew I owned a shot gun, apparently he was fairly convinced I was serious.
DejaVu, I tell that story to say I have been in your shoes. I have been lost and lonely and wanted love so badly that I fell for someone who knew how to talk a good game. Ironically, what you said in your last comment about knowing him for awhile and knowing he didn't know something, I would have said the same thing about the one I dealt with. I would've sworn up and down that I knew him so well and that stuff that was right in front of my face just couldn't be. He could have told me that very same bull stuff story about his drunk friends stealing his phone (though he probably would've actually said it was his crazy XW) and I would've bought it hook, line and sinker, but he was a user and a manipulator. I'm afraid that your TDH is too and I'm so afraid and worried that you are going to be taken for a ride on this deal. PLEASE, PLEASE, PLEASE go back and read your recent posts and think about this.
Me 52, H53 Bomb drop 9/29/2014 Divorce from XH final 12/17/2014 Marriage #2 12/31/2019 5 adult (step)daughters (3 from XH's first marriage, 2 from current H's previous relationships) 6 grandkids
NOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!! Sorry, guys do NOT do that stuff - that was a GIRLFRIEND who messed with his phone, not his guy friends. Honest.
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he just seemed so genuine. He said things like... “when you meet my kids”...”I guess we will just miss each other until I move over there.” “I’m stubborn. I’m going to make you mad.” “My kids come first but I want to be there for you.” “I don’t want to stop talking. I can’t stop thinking about you.” Everything he said was so future oriented too... like it was just going to happen
This stuff right here - HUGE red flags! Honestly, no normal healthy adult male does this when he has only talked to you on the phone. They might say they think you're sexy and want to jump in the sack with you, but this other stuff? Nope.
And EVEN if you believe his bogus story about his friends messing with his phone (NOT TRUE!) it doesn't excuse his previous lack of communication, not one bit.
This is how guys who are bigamists or who marry women to steal their money get away with it - because we women were raised on such fairytales that we can't see what's wrong with this situation. RUN!!!!
Or at least, if you insist on meeting him, don't let him in your house, meet him at a neutral third location and keep your car wherever you go. Do some reconnaissance online first - check criminal databases, etc. See if you can check out parts of his story (did he really graduate from that college he claimed? Does his age check out? ID? It's amazing what you can find online. If he doesn't show up on FB that's also a potential red flag - guys who are juggling multiple women don't like to be on FB).
I'm thinking it was either a gf or one of his kids ... absolutely check him out online. The first guy I had coffee with (first date in 27 years) claimed he was coming from one specific town. I checked online - he owned a home several towns over and it was being foreclosed on.
M 20+ T25+ S ~15.5 (BD) BD 4/6/15 D 12/23/16
"Someone I loved once gave me A box full of darkness. It took me years to understand, That this too, was a gift." ~ Mary Oliver
Last edited by job; 08/21/2001:47 PM. Reason: added link to new thread
Sit quietly, the answers will reveal themselves when you least expect them to. The past is gone, the present is a gift and you need to focus on today, allow the future to reveal itself when it is ready.
