I apologize for the confusion. What happened again. She told me she was pregnant and about a week or 2 later I broke up with her.
Ok I have a question. I think I know the answer. My girlfriend is living with me, if we break up and she asks to live in my home for 2 months do I have a right to ask her to pay rent? Not a lot like $200-$300 a month. Even if she said she would be out in 2 months? Or is it wrong because she is pregnant and only collecting unemployment?
Last edited by Wolfman; 10/24/2006:06 PM.
M:42 XW:41 T:19 M: 15 D:13 S:10 BD: 8/10/18 Moved out: 8/18 Moved in: 9/18/18 Moved out: 4/22/19 D papers signed 11/4/19 D final 3/18/20
Would it be wrong? I don't think it is unethical or immoral. Should you? Probably not. Consult an attorney that knows the law around this stuff for your state.
M(53), W(54),D(19) M-23, T-25 Bomb Drop - Dec.23, 2017 Ring and Piecing since March 2018
Omg. I’m sorry. If she’s your girlfriend (read = screwing you) she doesn’t have to pay rent but when she stops she does? I don’t understand. I don’t get why she is living with you without some discussion prior to this up front about her splitting housing costs with you in the first place, pregnant or not. Sounds like she can’t really afford it, which maybe is why you agreed in the first place. She is still carrying your child, right? How much money do you want to make off her in the next few months? Will it be worth it?
In an earlier post I noted that you’ll be paying child support soon assuming you split, and maybe you could calculate what that will be monthly and just start giving it to her now if you want her out so badly. To me, you have a moral responsibility to her and to your child and quibbling about how much rent she owes you if you are “broken up” feels gross.
Sorry if I sound harsh. I know you must be having a terrible time. I just think you need to get ahold of yourself and focus on what is the right thing to do, now.
Me (46) H (42) M:14 T:18, D9 & D11 4/19 - 12/19: series of escalating BDs 9/20 - present: R and piecing
I don't know about a moral responsibility to her. To the child yes. While she is carrying the child is a gray area, but Wolfman, you didn't marry her, and I don't think you should. So work with her to help her find a place before the child is born, and then support your child.
Last edited by Steve85; 10/25/2001:52 PM.
M(53), W(54),D(19) M-23, T-25 Bomb Drop - Dec.23, 2017 Ring and Piecing since March 2018
Omg. I’m sorry. If she’s your girlfriend (read = screwing you) she doesn’t have to pay rent but when she stops she does? I don’t understand.
I am sorry but how is this sort of feedback helpful to Wolfman? She was an adult woman and knew what she was doing. In my opinion, why should he have an obligation to let her live in his home even if he did that previously? He has an obligation to the child and to help the mother of his child but we should be careful to not judge him when he his here asking for our help. Each of us has our moral standards and it is not right to impose our moral standards on others, especially when they are going through a tough time and reaching out for our help here. My apologies for stating my opinion bluntly, if that was harsh.
I’m sorry, I don’t mean to post unhelpful feedback or impose my moral beliefs on others. I really don’t. I thought he was genuinely looking for feedback, not just support for his decisions.
I meant— I don’t understand why she was living there without paying rent in the first place— it doesn’t make sense to me regardless of whether or not they were together. And then to extract a couple hundred dollars a month because she is no longer a couple but is carrying his child seems odd.
I’m not saying he has to marry her or let her live there. I’m saying he will soon have a financial obligation to his child anyway, so charging her for a few months’ worth of rent seems petty when that will be a drop in the bucket once the child is born. And, maybe the best option is to help her find her own place and start paying child support now. There are a lot of studies on the effects of maternal stress on the fetus and if I were him I’d be doing everything I could to support her and minimize her stress, regardless of whether or not I wanted to be involved in a romantic relationship with her.
And... yes, she’s an adult woman. And probably feeling more alone and stressed and scared than she ever has in her life. Imagine being in her shoes for a second. Unemployed, pregnant, not in a relationship with the father. I’m sure this is not how she imagined having her first baby. It’s a stressful situation for everyone involved.
Anyway, I’ll stop posting on this thread. Apologies, Wolfman.
Me (46) H (42) M:14 T:18, D9 & D11 4/19 - 12/19: series of escalating BDs 9/20 - present: R and piecing
May, I know your heart was in the right place. It's just the way that one sentence was written that sounded unhelpful in my opinion.
People come here looking for help and they will be discouraged if they don't feel this is a safe place without judgement. A 2x4 to steer them in the right direction is very different from judging them. We all tend to fall into this trap at one time or another and it is not just you. We owe it to ourselves to keep ourselves honest and that was my only intention here.
Ok I have a question. I think I know the answer. My girlfriend is living with me, if we break up and she asks to live in my home for 2 months do I have a right to ask her to pay rent? Not a lot like $200-$300 a month. Even if she said she would be out in 2 months? Or is it wrong because she is pregnant and only collecting unemployment?
Wolfman, I really do feel for you, you are facing some extremely difficult moral dilemmas with this situation. If she wasn't pregnant with your child this would be a lot easier to sort out! If your intent is to get her out of the house then I would think you would not want her staying another 2 months whether you charge her rent or not. The longer she stays there then the stronger her legal rights become to claim residency. If 2 months turn to 4, then turns to "after the baby", you may not be able to get her out at all. You really should discuss that with a lawyer.
Morally, on the face of it, it just seems really "wrong" to kick a woman out of your house that doesn't have any other housing prospects and is carrying your child. Alcohol and drug use among the homeless is very high and she could very well harm the baby in that way if simply turned out on the streets. But you've indicated that you think she may have mental problems and that the two of you have a very toxic relationship, so keeping her there may make your life a living hell. So if you think that her staying there is just not an option because of that, then I would say that morally speaking, the "right" thing to do would be to help her find some place to live and give her some financial support to help her get by for a while, at least until the baby is born. But that too I would discuss with a lawyer, because I have no idea if that would set a precedent for future "alimony" of some kind (IE, if you voluntarily support her then are you on the hook for doing so indefinitely).
Very sorry you're going through this, I know it must be miserable!
My girlfriend is living with me, if we break up and she asks to live in my home for 2 months do I have a right to ask her to pay rent? Not a lot like $200-$300 a month. Even if she said she would be out in 2 months? Or is it wrong because she is pregnant and only collecting unemployment?
Hi Wolf,
Do you want to quibble with her?
"What is best for my kids is best for me" Amor Fati Link to quotes: https://www.divorcebusting.com/forums/ubbthreads.php?ubb=showflat&Number=2879712
