Midlife wife crisis 16

[AnotherStander]

So, your GF is 26 yrs old. She has no job and is freeloading, living with you, and emotionally blackmailing you into marriage. She decides cleaning the house and cooking is a wife's job, and since she doesn't hold that title, she's going to make things more uncomfortable until you marry her. It doesn't bother her that she is not contributing financially, and now she's not helping with chores. She's just going to lay around all day, waiting to have the baby. Lovely young woman you have there! Consider this as a preview of your future with her.

Wolfie, just wanted to reiterate this. I'm not sure I've stated it as succinctly as Sandi did but I also really get the sense that your GF is manipulating you and may have narcissistic tendencies. I suspect she's gas-lighting you which is probably why you feel so much guilt. It may very well all be part of her plan. I can absolutely guarantee you that if you do marry her, she will do even LESS around the house, not more. There will be LESS sex, not more. What will there be more of? Lies, gaslighting and manipulation.

I could be wrong, and May could be right that she's just young and confused. But I still firmly believe that either way, the best thing right now for you, for her and for your future relationship is to move her out. It's fine to keep going to therapy and seeing her if both of you want that, but you really need to be separate to properly work things out and decide what you want.

[Wolfman]

Just keep adding insult to injury. I have my son today. I noticed the GF was cooking something. So I went to her and said you cooking something g for dinner for yourself or all of us. She replied just for me. She said, “I don’t think that is my job anymore.” I said you use to do it all the time. She said unless things change she doesn’t think it’s her job now. Ridiculous. I am taking my son out to dinner instead.

[Ginger1]

Just keep adding insult to injury. I have my son today. I noticed the GF was cooking something. So I went to her and said you cooking something g for dinner for yourself or all of us. She replied just for me. She said, “I don’t think that is my job anymore.” I said you use to do it all the time. She said unless things change she doesn’t think it’s her job now. Ridiculous. I am taking my son out to dinner instead.

And you think your ex has brainwashed your kids into not liking her? Sounds like she managed to have that happen all on her own.
To cook for herself and not your child? That’s really really awful. I’m glad you are taking him out.

I understand you are having a baby with this woman. And you need to love that baby and support it. But this is toxic and you may lose your other kids completely. It’s certainly not a good spot to be in. You have a lot to think about. I wish you the best

[Wolfman]

Just keep adding insult to injury. I have my son today. I noticed the GF was cooking something. So I went to her and said you cooking something g for dinner for yourself or all of us. She replied just for me. She said, “I don’t think that is my job anymore.” I said you use to do it all the time. She said unless things change she doesn’t think it’s her job now. Ridiculous. I am taking my son out to dinner instead.

And you think your ex has brainwashed your kids into not liking her? Sounds like she managed to have that happen all on her own.
To cook for herself and not your child?

This is al recent. She did all the cooking up until she found out she was pregnant and then said she needed to be pregnant. But before that she cooked my kids favorite foods all the time. I mean my son loves shrimp, she would constantly buy it and make it for him. When my daughter was coming she would make she sure she had her favorite drinks. One day my d said, “I’m in the mood for a milkshake.” At the time we didn’t have any ice cream. So my GF ran out and got ice cream and chocolate syrup for her. This whole pregnancy thing has got her crazy. Is it the hormones? Is is this really who she is coming out now? Forgive me everyone, I know a lot of you are going to jump down my throats but I want a family again. I have always been a family person, even when I was younger. I guess maybe I am just for I g it. I know I did this and there is no one else to blame but it scares me to know I will have 2 baby mamas. I felt like I had a chance to start over with her, but like a lot of you have said, too many red flags!!!

In the last 2 years I have worked on my self a lot. And feel like I have changed a lot. For example, not holding a grudge, being a lot more patient with my children, maybe at times too much. I have really worked on validating a lot. So, I guess I would hope she would too. 😞 But people don’t change over night, it took me a while. And to be completely honest some of her behaviors are definitely immature, I would have done the same things at her age. My parents had a terrible moto, don’t get mad, get even!! I’m rambling. Thank you all for always being here and hitting me with 2x4’s. Let me tell you all when you talk to me I read and re-read all of your posts to help it all sink in.

[MrBrside]

In the last 2 years I have worked on my self a lot

You have a very very long winded sitch.. 16 threads ! A messed up divorce followed by a rushed and even more messed up relationship shortly after.

You cherry picked or didnt act on advice in your early posts, and you are doing the same now on the new relationship - Like my post yesterday, you confused the hell out of me, as your words and planned actions one day don't match your update the day after - My advice is get your head straight - Your posts and actions do not show somebody who has worked on themselves at all - they show somebody who is in a further pickle, from action on emotion - somebody who is still acting on emotion..

and to the icing on the cake

but I want a family again

You had children from M1 !!!! - What more does a man need ? Does your defenition of family include needing a wife to cook and clean... You have children - They should have been your primary focus - unconditional love !

But as you wanted a family, so you went out and got a new play toy to make a new family - at the expense of your relationship with your other children ! - Selfish and wrong - These are WW actions - NOT the actions of a man in a good mindset - Sorry to be blunt, but thats how i see it !

Being so desperate for this "family" you ignore the red flags and get this unsuitable woman pregnant - again - You are a responsible adult - Just why - Considering its been on the rocks for months ! - why !

This topic is becoming the same old same old on a daily basis - You come here complaining about the GF, take more 2x4 than most people here, asked for advice, say you will change, and then the next day, its the same old same old.

ONLY YOU can get yourself out of this mess - People here ( and believe me, i dont believe you will get any better advice anywhere ) can advise you, but you have to make the decissions and be prepared to live and deal with the consequences.

I do no believe GF is a good match and i think you need to man up and sort your &^&^ sooner rather than later - But you are so scared of the short term consequences, you are prepared to go through years of hell.

[LH19]

Lol. Mr. Bside is in the house. That’s why I am questioning if he’s real because how could someone be on this board for two years and go from one mess to another so quickly? I guess if someone can it’s the wolf man.

[Wolfman]

Look I am sorry I am not as emotional strong as you other men. I was very emotionally weak. You are right I did not take the advice of many.

My definition of family is a wife and kids all under the same roof. LH you say I have been on here for 2 years. For 6-7 months I wasn’t on here because the relationship with my GF was great. Obviously it was the honeymoon stage, but for that time being things were great between us. They were good for about a year. There was a lot of other stresses I was going through that I did not come on here and talk about.

I’ll summarize: my parents at 75 years old decided to get a divorce. My mom is handicapped and had a live in aid. Well I caught my dad and her having sex in the house with my mom there. I had a long talk with them, it continued. So had to inform my mom because that is disgusting. Well he started to threaten me. Then mom get a new aid. Parents divorce e states they have to sell the house, mom has no idea where she is going to go. Absolutely refusing nursing home. Has a new live in aid, she is not doing her job, mom fires her after working there for 9 months. Well she was a live in aid and refused to leave, becomes squatter in moms home, roaming around eating my moms food and living there freely. We even locked her out of the house and she broke it through a window to get back in. We called the cops and they said we could actually get in trouble for an illegal eviction. Can’t get her out because of COVID. Meanwhile dad is stealing money and jewelry from mom. Filed charges trying to get him arrested and his GF. Get police involved. Meanwhile me and the GF are running back and forth to her house trying to protect her and help my mom. Pay her bills take care of her, we do her food shopping, GF cooks for my mom. So GF and I decide when she sells the home we will buy a 2 family house with my mom so we can be close and help her out. So for years my mom was giving money to brother to hide from Medicaid. So, mom is ecstatic about buying a 2 family home this way she is not alone. Find a home put a down payment and go into contract. Well my other brother finds out and doesn’t like that her money will go into the house (mom and I were going in 50/50) and he won’t get the money when she dies, convinces my other brother to not give me the money now and the deal falls through. In the process almost get sued. Again this has nothing to really do with this forum that’s why I wasn’t on here for a long time. And through all of that craziness my GF was right by my side helping, dealing with police at 11pm, food shopping for my mom, cooking for her, changing locks in my moms home, boarding up some rooms so live In couldn’t roam around as much. When all of this stress started to occur is when our relationship stated to change. My family BS took a toll on our relationship. Let me tell you all there is so much more to this I could write a book.

So call it an excuse, call it justifying or whatever. I don’t know if I was in my GF’s position I would have stuck by 1. And 2 the amount of stress that those months put on us took a toll on our relationship. So it makes me wonder, is she really not a good fit for me or was it everything going on? So that’s where my confusion comes in.

[LH19]

Look Wolf you got yourself into a jam and I’m sure you’ll do the right thing. I guess it just doesn’t make any sense to me to come here get advice and then ignore it. Then keep coming back. But everyone is different. Good luck in life. I can’t imagine having an infant right now but I’m sure you will be a good dad.

[Wolfman]

Look Wolf you got yourself into a jam and I’m sure you’ll do the right thing. I guess it just doesn’t make any sense to me to come here get advice and then ignore it. Then keep coming back. But everyone is different. Good luck in life. I can’t imagine having an infant right now but I’m sure you will be a good dad.

LH I have always valued your opinion. And usually you are right. I don’t know why I have such a hard time implementing what everyone says. I guess like the saying goes, sometimes doing what is right is not easy. Ok so honestly speaking. How do I go about this? She is 27, pregnant, she just started a new job, and no place to go. I do love this girl, again not sure if it was everything that happened recently with my family, but she was amazing to me and my children for a long time. She would play hide and seek with them, board games, play basketball with my son, shoot one day my son and I were in the backyard having a football catch and she made a sign just for the fun of it and it said go my sons name you are the best. She didn’t have to do that. So these sort of things makes me torn. Sorry I digress. So, advise me.

[Ginger1]

I’m sorry that you feel a family isn’t a family of you unless you are under the same roof. That’s sad.