Well here’s what I would do. There’s absolutely zero chance I would marry this girl right now. I would have a talk with her and let her know that things aren’t working and you need to make some changes together and outline what all those changes look like. If she brings up marriage tell her you are not ready right now. If she try’s to blackmail you then you give her a timeline to find her own place. You speak to a lawyer about custody arrangements and monetary support.
Wolf, I can understand why you are confused. I'm only reading what you post here, I don't actually know her or you beyond what you post. So I can't say 100% that she is a scammer, but I definitely get that impression. Here is what I think, again with the understanding that I have limited knowledge of your situation:
I think your GF is trying to entrap you. She may be a predator masquerading as a damsel in distress. Tricks you into letting her move in. Plays Suzie Homemaker to cement her position once there. INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant to lock in her spot. Guilt-trips you that she has no place else to go and no one else to turn to, and what kind of evil man would turn a poor, innocent, pregnant girl out onto the streets. Now that she's established herself there, now comes the next phase. Threats, lies, gaslighting, manipulation, withholding of sex and house duties in order to get what she wants. The very definition of gaslighting is "manipulate someone by psychological means into questioning their own sanity", and that is how you are basically describing your state-of-mind right now, isn't it. She's preying on your "nice guy" tendencies, using that against you to keep her spot in the house long enough to establish residency. Ultimately she wants marriage so she has legal recourse to half your property plus alimony and child support. Once you are married the really harsh treatment will begin, it will make what you are going through now look like a vacation in Cabo.
I've actually seen a few situations like this involving young, predatory women.
Here is the thing Wolf, whether she's a scammer or whether she's just an innocent young lady going through some things, EITHER WAY the BEST thing to do is get her out of your house so the two of you can sort out your relationship with the benefit of some distance from each other. Once she's out and a little time has passed I think you'll get your head straight and sort out if she's a scammer or not.
Also I'm not sure I've clearly stated this but a paternity test is a must. There was a show about one of these scammers who moved in with a guy and coerced him into unprotected sex while also sleeping with her "real" boyfriend, intentionally trying to get pregnant (which she did) so that the target would think it was his and "do the right thing" and marry her. Don't assume anything.
In some ways i am a victim of this very situation. My WW fell pregnant after only 3 months. She was on the pill but it suddenly failed ?????? and she became pregnant. She told me she didnt believe in abortions, yet irronically had an abortion 5 years later when i refused to back down to one of her demands..
At the point that she got pregnant i was already questioning / seeing red flags such as a previous affair with her boss who was already in a relationship. I did the "right thing" and made it work.. We did have 2 more children, but i refused to marry her.. This was a massive issue for her, but somehting was just telling me "don't do it"... Not i think it was just to get half of my pension and assets.
Would i have been with her much longer if she had not got pregnant - no, because i realised she was a liar..
Things got worse over the years, and i really did think i was losing my mind once she became WW.. I even told my mother i thought i was going mad.
As AS states, my WW preyed on nice guy tendanies.. and the guy WW is with now is a "nice guy" - i do feel sorry for him..
But i'm free WM !!! - And i love life now. I dropped the rope and have very little to do with her.
In your sitch - She is carrying your child ( maybe ? ) so you need to be there for the child.. as for the rest ? - well if you allow it, you will become a victim of manipulation and mental abuse.. Only you can decide to walk away though.
You were arguing way before she got pregnant, so hormones dont cut it as an excuse.
Previous username - Helpme123.. A name chosen at a desperate time..
Now Mr Brightside.. coming out of my cage, and doing just fine.
Figure out what kind of person I am currently dealing with. Respond to each type completely different: 1) Wise people listen, so talking to them works. 2) When dealing with foolish people, stop talking and set limits and consequences. 3) If the person is behaving evil, let lawyers and law enforcement deal with them.
Remember, 55% of the message is conveyed visually through body language and facial expressions, 38% is expressed vocally by my tempo, tone and inflections and only 7% verbally through my words. Before speaking, assure all 3V’s are congruent to avoid confusing the listener.
I feel like you are in the #2 category. I get frustrated and I see other poster getting frustrated as well. Mostly because you are not changing as fast as we think you should. We could stop posting to you as one of our boundaries. I keep posting to you with hopes of change and because I know other people will read this thread and gain some insight on changes they could make to improve their lives.
As far as your woman, I would determine if she is a 1,2 or 3.
Just know that you are exactly where you need to be in your journey. Every single choice you have made up to this point in your life has gotten you right here. Make different choices and get different results.
Embrace the suck. Amor Fati Every thing happens for a reason. Choose your sacrifice
Agreement 1: Be Impeccable With Your Word. Agreement 2: Don't Take Anything Personally. Agreement 3: Don't Make Assumptions. Agreement 4: Always Do Your Best.
Quote
One of the secrets to a good relationship is learning to distinguish between the important issues to express my feelings about and the petty ones to let slide by. Commit to being honest and clear with lots of compassion (kind but true). My sense of concern for the person must be integrated with the truth of what I need to say. Be in approach motivation most of the time. Tell how I feel and why. Respond when I am ready. Stick to self control statements. Stick to my desires. Reiterate what I will do or not do and let them be angry.
You can handle it.-Coach (RIP)
"What is best for my kids is best for me" Amor Fati Link to quotes: https://www.divorcebusting.com/forums/ubbthreads.php?ubb=showflat&Number=2879712
In some ways i am a victim of this very situation. My WW fell pregnant after only 3 months. She was on the pill but it suddenly failed ?????? and she became pregnant. She told me she didnt believe in abortions, yet irronically had an abortion 5 years later when i refused to back down to one of her demands..
I would change the word "ironically" to "tragically".
M(53), W(54),D(19) M-23, T-25 Bomb Drop - Dec.23, 2017 Ring and Piecing since March 2018
Just keep adding insult to injury. I have my son today. I noticed the GF was cooking something. So I went to her and said you cooking something g for dinner for yourself or all of us. She replied just for me. She said, “I don’t think that is my job anymore.” I said you use to do it all the time. She said unless things change she doesn’t think it’s her job now. Ridiculous. I am taking my son out to dinner instead.
The immaturity displayed by her here should have your running for the hills....baby or no baby.
I WILL REPEAT: Being the baby's father does not require you to be the mother's SO/H. So commit to that baby with all your heart, but do not commit to this woman or you'll end up here again in 2-5 years, almost guaranteed.
M(53), W(54),D(19) M-23, T-25 Bomb Drop - Dec.23, 2017 Ring and Piecing since March 2018
In some ways i am a victim of this very situation. My WW fell pregnant after only 3 months. She was on the pill but it suddenly failed ?????? and she became pregnant. She told me she didnt believe in abortions, yet irronically had an abortion 5 years later when i refused to back down to one of her demands..
I would change the word "ironically" to "tragically".
Tragically is one word... Amoungst many many others i could use.. All in her interest of manipulation and control.
We live and learn - i should have walked away then..
Previous username - Helpme123.. A name chosen at a desperate time..
Now Mr Brightside.. coming out of my cage, and doing just fine.
