Midlife wife crisis 16

[Wolfman]

Hello everyone. I was gone for a while because I got a new phone and forgot my password. Look forward to catching up with everyone. A lot has happened. Looking forward to updating everyone soon.

[SteveLW]

Wolfman, welcome back. Give us an update.

[Wolfman]

It’s funny just how things work. So things between my GF and I have been great. We talk about everything and truly enjoying each other. She is really trying hard with my son. What do I mean by that, she talks to my son, having dinners together, plays with my son, just tried to be pleasant. Reason why I say try, it’s obvious his mom is bashing the other of us. The reason I feel like that. We will have a good day with him and the next time he will be miserable at first like he shouldn’t be happy then he sees we love him and love having him there, that by the time he leaves he is happy. My ex is miserable because he am going for custody of the children, so she is trying anything g in her power to get my son now to hate us.
Give you all another example of just how selfish she is. My son hasn’t played baseball in 3 years. My ex and I had these close friends(so close we are uncle and aunt to their kids and vice versa) but she wanted them to pick sides between her or I. They said they will remain neutral. Well she didn’t like that, so she blocked them on FB and refuses to talk to them anymore. Well this family asked my son if he wanted to play on their baseball team. My son said he would give it a shot. He played in a weekend tournament 4 weeks ago and now they are having once a week at night baseball training. Well when he is with his mom he “doesn’t want to go” to baseball. When he is with me he wants to go. Last week I had him, in the car he said, dad can we have a baseball catch and can I pitch to you. I said absolutely (I was a college pitcher). So we had a catch and I worked with him for a little over an hour. This was a Monday. He said he can’t wait for practice. Wednesday I picked him up and I said, don’t forget there is baseball practice tomorrow night. He said, I’m. It playing. I said how come? He replied, I’m not good. I said where is this coming from. The last time I took you the coach said what a good arm you have and they want you to pitch. He said I know I just don’t want to play anymore. I tried to be understanding, I said you are good, but if you really don’t want to play I will understand. He was just so angry that I even asked him about playing. Well that Thursday he was with his mom, he didn’t go to practice. He was with me yesterday and guess where we went, baseball practice. I just asked him if he wanted to go and that the coach told me they wanted him to work on pitching. While we were they he had a great time. My ex is absolutely destroying my children in every which way. She doesn’t want him to go because it’s with this family that she blocked and wanted them to choose. This is just one of the many incidents I will be catching everyone up on.
More to come have to run...

[SteveLW]

Wolfman, so your sons up and down couldn't possibly have anything to do with the fact that his mom and dad are split up and he has to shuttle between the two of them, their separate houses, and have to deal with a NEW mom on top of it? Or is it just all her poisoning him towards the two of you?

I'll hang up and listen.

[Wolfman]

Wolfman, so your sons up and down couldn't possibly have anything to do with the fact that his mom and dad are split up and he has to shuttle between the two of them, their separate houses, and have to deal with a NEW mom on top of it? Or is it just all her poisoning him towards the two of you?

I'll hang up and listen.

I am sure that is a part of it. Look I can’t explain what (because we are in court) I evidence of her bashing me and my girlfriend. Saying things like, you don’t have to listen to them, isn’t it better you don’t have to spend time with them, calling me a loser, she put tracking devices on their cell phones that I found. When I got into it, they were only turned on when they were with me, telling the kids to hide their cell phones from me, she took them to great adventure a while ago and told them not to tell me. So I would say there is a lot of brainwashing going on. That’s why I am taking her to court. Oh wait the best one was, I had a family plan with my daughter, a few months back she canceled her cell phone(I have no idea how she did it when it was in my name) I asked for the cell phone back. In front of the kids she asked me why I wanted the phone back I said because it’s in my name. She said I am not giving it to you and if I did I will erase everything off her phone, you don’t need to see what’s on her phone. This is what she says in front of my kids. That was the short version. She never gave it back and now I have to take her to small claims for that too. I have plenty of other stories. What do you think? Brainwashing? Parent alienation?

[LH19]

Wolf you and your X remind me of my friends parents. They D and both were focused only on themselves and the hatred for one another. Messed his brother and him up pretty bad. He’s super smart so has been successful but has battled depression his entire life. He’s brother is a complete loser who is 50 and lives of mommy still. The really sad part is they were both adopted. When they say divorce destroys children this is exactly what they are talking about. The thing is that it isn’t the divorce that is doing it it’s the way the parents act afterwards.

If you are telling the truth W I’m really sorry you X acts this way.

[Mumin]

Sorry to hear that wolf! Be a rock and note things down. After you note things down forget about XW!!!

What about the baby wolf?

[sandi2]

Hey, Wolfman. I've been wondering about you. How is your daughter doing with the girlfriend sitch? Do your kids know about the baby?

[Wolfman]

Wolf you and your X remind me of my friends parents. They D and both were focused only on themselves and the hatred for one another. Messed his brother and him up pretty bad. He’s super smart so has been successful but has battled depression his entire life. He’s brother is a complete loser who is 50 and lives of mommy still. The really sad part is they were both adopted. When they say divorce destroys children this is exactly what they are talking about. The thing is that it isn’t the divorce that is doing it it’s the way the parents act afterwards.

If you are telling the truth W I’m really sorry you X acts this way.

I agree that this is not good at times. I keep communication only about the kids. But she doesn’t stop, she is always trying to sabotage my relationship with my children and say in appropriate things around them. Example: I was ringing the kids to our weekly psychologist meeting. It happened to be raining that day. I got there about 20 minutes early, so me and the 2 kids sat in the car. She pulls up 2 cars down and comes over to my car while it’s drizzling. My daughter hops out to see her mom. My son didn’t want to get out in the rain. She cane over to the front driver side of my car and said, “give me my son.” He said hi mom, and I said he will say hello inside (for her saying hello is a hug). She replied, “it’s my day give me my son.” I replied, “the td not your day, it’s raining and he will say hello to you inside.” He next response was just terrible. She said, “let’s ask him who he wants to be with.” I said don’t ask our son to choose, enough with this conversation.” Well she stormed off and my son then felt bad. He just felt terrible. I said to him it was ok buddy, mommy and daddy both love you very much and we know you love both of us. We waited a few more minutes and then went inside. I told this to the psychologist, where he called her out on it. She said, well maybe I shouldn’t have done that. MAYBE??? Ugh.

Sorry to hear that wolf! Be a rock and note things down. After you note things down forget about XW!!!

What about the baby wolf?

Baby wolf is doing well. She is 6 months and very excited. We have been setting up the nursery. Had a sit down with the psychologist, my ex, and kids about breaking the news to them. First he made me tell my ex, where she did not look happy. Then he had me tell each individual kid. That did not go over well. There is a lot more to the story that I will put on here another day. My girlfriend is amazing, she drinks plenty of water, she are tons of fruits and veggies, and all organic. Looking forward to the birth.

Hey, Wolfman. I've been wondering about you. How is your daughter doing with the girlfriend sitch? Do your kids know about the baby?

No change with daughter and girlfriend. My daughter has taken it a step further now saying my home gives her anxiety. The psychologist actually came to my home with my daughter, without my GF there to try and get her to go into my home. You believe my D wouldn’t even take one step up on the porch, even with the psychologist there. He actually got frustrated and left after 10 minutes. She would not budge, he asked her to at least come to the first step of the porch with him. She just kept refusing. He asked her what is she afraid of, and she just kept saying she wasn’t doing it. From the million articles I read on parent alienation, this is it. If my daughter ever acknowledges me, my home or my GF, WELL, she would be going against her mother and that is a big problem. My daughter and I have been going to the psychologist for 7 months and have made 0 progress.
For Christmas I took my D, S and GF out to dinner on Christmas Eve. The psychologist recommended it. And honestly I’m telling all of you, I was pissed. I am Italian and Christmas Eve is a big day especially when it comes to dinner, all seafood. Instead we went out to a Hibachi. I tried to make the most of it because it was for my D. Well it took her 10 minutes to get in the car. She cried in her moms driveway fro 10 minutes about going to dinner with us. Then at dinner she refused to eat and made my S very uncomfortable. More to come...

[SteveLW]

Wolf, I guess my only feedback is to try to keep your interactions with her in front of the kids and about the kids above board. It is easy to fall into the trap of reacting in kind, but that is not in your kids best interests. You cannot control your X, and she sounds like a real piece of work, but your kids will look back with discernment about how their parents acted. If they see her bad behavior and that you reacted with as much grace and dignity as possible, that is what they will take with them.

My original response to your post was to make you aware that while your X's behavior isn't helping things, you need to be sensitive to your kids' perception of what is going on in their lives. They see you with a live in girlfriend (a new "mom" in their lives). Further they are facing the unknown of having their dad be a father to a new child with this live-in GF, and what that will mean to them in regard to their relationship with you. Lots of kids have seen their parents move on with new people, father new children, and treat the kids from their first marriage, um, differently. So please be sensitive to that since your kids are in very difficult age categories for dealing with these kinds of things.

Sorry you have to deal with a psycho XW, no one signs up for that. But remember you will be judged based on your actions, not hers.