I’m glad she gave you a response and especially glad she chose him. I hope you truly can change and move on now!
Strength and honor!!
Me: 34 Stbxw: 30 D:5 D:3 Mini bd: May/June 2019 Married: Aug 2019 BD: 6th Dec 2019 OM Confirmed: Feb 2020 March 2020: I filed for D Waiting for D to be finalized and W to move out end of January 2021
Yeah I probably did the wrong thing here. When she kept saying “I’m not sure about this” and stuff when we talked I thought she really meant it so I pushed into it and when it came down to choosing she stayed with him. I know I did it because I wanted the manipulation to stop, I wanted to not be plan B. I didn’t want her to have that. Should have just ignored her temp checks and kept things short. I was weak and believed them, thought if I pushed I could save it. She didn’t want to be saved. But it is what it is. I don’t think she will manipulate me anymore because there isn’t a reason to, and I don’t think she will ever come back. I don’t really think anything I could have done would change that. And hopefully I’ll get to a point where it doesn’t hurt this much anymore. It will take some time. But that’s ok I have plenty of time now. I’m just gonna practice being more silent than ever. Around everyone. I’ve always been a talker. A fixer. Those are the first things I want to change.
T:11 M:10 K: D5, S7 BD: 9/1/20 WW continues to break up and recon with OM. I paid last fees and pushed the D 5/3/2021 Default Dissolution granted 8/5/21. Glad my D was not busted.
Do not underestimate her capacity to try to manipulate you. She will try, no question. She doesn't believe she can't snap he fingers and have you back any more than we do. When pushed they will almost always choose the D or the OM out y leaving.
Steve I hope you are serious about moving forward. But I'm still afraid that is she called tomorrow and expressed regrets you'd reopen the door.
M(53), W(54),D(19) M-23, T-25 Bomb Drop - Dec.23, 2017 Ring and Piecing since March 2018
Yeah I probably did the wrong thing here. When she kept saying “I’m not sure about this” and stuff when we talked I thought she really meant it so I pushed into it and when it came down to choosing she stayed with him.
If this is what you needed to begin DB'ing (NC, detach, GAL), then your path was perfect. The proof will be in whether you DB this next week. Remember that DB'ing is about saving you.
Originally Posted by Steve_
I don’t think she will manipulate me anymore because there isn’t a reason to
Steve, she has many reasons to--a) lining up a safe place between OM if the current OM doesn't pan out, b) venting at you when she's angry so she doesn't vent at OM or have to look inwards, c) getting better terms in childcare, belongings, finances, etc. She was generous and sweet in giving you what you needed yesterday--but remember her overall character is that of a serial cheater who frequently manipulates you.
Stay strong, focus on you, and prepare for her to reach out. I guarantee that she will. Nine months after the ultimatum, my WW still reaches out on occasion and complains that I never respond to texts or calls. And no matter what you say or do, you will be Plan B for a long time. You need to work on you so that you are strong and able to resist the temptation when it comes.
And to answer your future questions, I vote for complete and utter radio silence in response to whatever she says or writes.
Copy that. She sent a heart emoji today. I did not respond. Just sent her photos of the kids I took them up to them the mountains to a cabin she loves. Wanted to let her know I took em out of town without having to talk. So far so good. I made arrangements to drop and get the kids for the next week without having to see her. I’m gonna keep trying to do that. I prefer that as much as I can do it. So begins day 1 of actual DBing. Took me long enough. Guess I had to learn the hard way. As usual
Last edited by Steve_; 11/23/2004:02 AM.
T:11 M:10 K: D5, S7 BD: 9/1/20 WW continues to break up and recon with OM. I paid last fees and pushed the D 5/3/2021 Default Dissolution granted 8/5/21. Glad my D was not busted.
Agree with Spiral! Also, dont send photos randomly.
My take: If she specifically asks for something, MAYBE send one. If she asks cause shes lonely, dont send. If a child accomplished something that you caught on camera, send one. If the child asks you to send a photo of something to mommy, ALWAYS send.
Me: 34 Stbxw: 30 D:5 D:3 Mini bd: May/June 2019 Married: Aug 2019 BD: 6th Dec 2019 OM Confirmed: Feb 2020 March 2020: I filed for D Waiting for D to be finalized and W to move out end of January 2021
Im with Mumin on that! My H has painted this picture to me that he will get the kids to facetime every night, that he will tell me about everything that happened, how they slept etc. At that stage i thought ye right. I actually dont want it and the reality was, i didnt txt him to ask how the kids were, i didnt ask to face time them. He has them for 2 nights and they tell me all about it when they are home. Likewise i only every txt H when he txt back asking something specific about the kids. I dont send any pictures unless asked to. What i do with the kids (they live with me) is none of his business.
