Finding a man who knows you are separated, still emotionally enmeshed with your ex, is married, but looking for a serious relationship?
Do you hear how this sounds?
Moving on means not chasing this one.
I continue to keep exploring things in my life that make me happy... things I want to do... places I want to see. Focus on my son who will be home this week. Focus on up coming travel plans in December.
I will continue to go out and have fun and meet new people.
I wasn't looking for serious relationship. I quite frankly did not feel given my situation with my ex that I would find anyone I would want any long lasting commitment with... oops I did.
I get it. I'm broken. This is the last thing I should be doing. And, I should be grateful he's not that into me.
Just because he’s not texting you doesn’t mean he’s not into you. Maybe he’s busy? Maybe you’re to needy?
I realize I'm really need validation more than I ever needed it before --- so yes, I am being needy.
Its been a long time since I've been dating. It took me forever to agree to a first date with the H and then weeks before I agreed to a second... Then is was lots of dating and moving in 6mo later.
I've seen this guy once a week for the last 5 weeks.
So I'm painfully shy. Have been my entire life. High school boys though it was cute to come up and talk to me to see who could get me to blush first. I'm very much an introvert. I'm completely happy alone. I have no issues going to dinner, movies or traveling across the country alone. I'm good at it.
That being said I very much enjoy a partner in crime.
15yr ago I was dating a guy I went to high school with. I was quiet with him too but still we would talk on the phone for hours, text endlessly because we had history having gone to school together. We would go out as a foursome with his friends and they would dominate the conversation because they all knew each other. Of course if I was asked something directly I would always answer... but being an introvert I spend a lot of time listening and observing. So this guy would comment that I never would speak to his friends... I think he felt I did not like his friends - I did. I just need a lot more time to get to know people and feel comfortable.
Obviously my male and female bff's I've know for 40yrs so of course I'm talking all the time with them.
I've been with my H for over a decade... not an issue there but I will admit that a chunk of our issues were communication and I'm owning my side of the street for that. But, overall I don't think it was an issue with my H.
Fast forward to the guy I've been going out with. He says I don't talk to him. Now again, I'm more reserved and I felt I participated in our conversations but he talks A LOT... so I just let him talk. So once he pointed that out I do try to make more of an effort to speak. I did state that I am an introvert and I spend a great deal of time just listening and observing. I think that's why I drink more when dating - it lowers the issue for me and I tend to be more chatty.
The guy commented that I tend to communicative via texting... hmmm. My male bff pointed me to a book for me to read that in general introverts tend to do better with digital medium... interesting. But, I'm starting to think this is true.
So I already knew that this guy is dealing with some stress so I chose to break the ice last night and tease him... asked if he missed me. He replied yes.. he was pretty stressed today... sorry.
I asked what his drama was and he replied basically... his job (its his busy time of the year), his dog (very old dog with old dog health issues ) and I do not talk to him.
UGH... I really thought the last 2 times we've gone out I've been more talkative and sharing with him. But, he disagrees I guess.
I ended it by texting that I'm not trying to hide behind the fact I'm an introvert. That I really like him and appreciated if he would be patient with me... that I'm trying and I really do get a lot more talkative. That probably screams low value person I suppose. I think most of his issues right now have nothing to do with me. I'm not going to chase this guy. He clearly did not reply to this text.
Clearly I've got to work on this introvert issue I have
KK, if you value yourself, you won’t try to change to fit in someone else’s box. Be confident in who you are. Being an introvert J’s by no means a flaw. It may not always be compatible with other personality types, or people’s preferences, but it doesn’t mean there is something wrong with you
You say you’re married and not looking for anything serious. A few dates and you give him full access to the puinani and life for him is good. Now you start pursuing and he is trying to keep you at arms length so he lets know why he’s not willing to give you more. You fix that it will certainly be something else. He probably is also not happy because you are not a woman of your word.
KK, if you value yourself, you won’t try to change to fit in someone else’s box. Be confident in who you are. Being an introvert J’s by no means a flaw. It may not always be compatible with other personality types, or people’s preferences, but it doesn’t mean there is something wrong with you
Thanks... I accept I'm introvert.
I also know that when I know someone over time I'm completely chatty with them. I can also be very chatty at my job... its my job... lol. I know that I can go on a first date and be very chatty so I don't know what my hang up is sometimes. Is it when someone really perks my curiosity that I'm more willing to sit back and be observant, listen and learn about that person???
You say you’re married and not looking for anything serious. A few dates and you give him full access to the puinani and life for him is good. Now you start pursuing and he is trying to keep you at arms length so he lets know why he’s not willing to give you more. You fix that it will certainly be something else. He probably is also not happy because you are not a woman of your word.
Completely get it...
He says - you don't talk to me ===== this is my reason that I can use that sounds kinder than "I'm not that into you".
I think he felt I did not like his friends - I did. I just need a lot more time to get to know people and feel comfortable.