Me: 34 Stbxw: 30 D:5 D:3 Mini bd: May/June 2019 Married: Aug 2019 BD: 6th Dec 2019 OM Confirmed: Feb 2020 March 2020: I filed for D Waiting for D to be finalized and W to move out end of January 2021
She said she doesn’t want me texting her anymore and getting all emotional about my sitch, that I need to accept that she is moved on. I told her my reason was that she has been telling me otherwise and telling me that she isn’t sure. She even cancelled the divorce appointment the other day. Now after this fight regarding my son she said I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have been playing with your emotions too. She apologized and asked if we can just delete the texts back and forth and I agreed said it was a good idea to just stick to the kids from now on.
I should not have let it come to this where she had to push me away. But she’s pushing me away. I should have been man enough to cut her off a long time ago but I felt I needed to nice her back. I all I did was make it easier for her to dig deeper into life with OM without feeling any loss. It was stupid. At least I’m used to the loss now. And it’s settled. No more games. Not sure if this M can be saved, guess it will depend on how her feelings change or don’t. There is nothing anymore I can do. Probably never was, at least the cycle of up and down will be over for both of us.
Steve_ sorry to be blunt. But we've heard this before. You are like a roller-coaster. Up one minute, down the next. Please get into weekly IC.
M(53), W(54),D(19) M-23, T-25 Bomb Drop - Dec.23, 2017 Ring and Piecing since March 2018
I don’t know what to do now. My son has been lashing out at her, and at OM.
Simple—nothing. It’s her job to manage her son’s behavior during her custody period.
Originally Posted by Steve
He says he tried to make me and mom fight so we talk. He told me that “he thinks OM is using mom to babysit kids”
Listen and validate your son.
Originally Posted by Steve
]She blamed all this on me.
She free to blame anyone she wants—you, the president, or unicorns. Your point?
Originally Posted by Steve
She told me “I’m never coming back to you” and she told my son that too. It crushed him.
Listen and validate your son. This is how she feels today. Tomorrow she may feel differently, but remember she’s a lying cheater, so hopefully by then you won’t take her back.
Originally Posted by Steve
I have never once said anything bad or wrong to my son.
Great! Your point?
Originally Posted by Steve
I never told him to go over there and do this and now she is blaming me.
OIC! This was a dream that you control her actions. You don’t. She’s free to do whatever she likes regardless of what you wish her to do. You control you. She controls her.
Originally Posted by Steve
I tried to talk to her, explain he is just upset, she won’t listen. She blames me
Oof! Don’t pass go, don’t collect $200. You are supposed to be NC. This is a bid to control her. Drop the bids to control her. That’s best whether you want Reconciliation or A Good Future Free of Her.
Just want to point out another thing. “ I tried to talk to her, explain he is just upset, she won’t listen.” This sounds like you are focusing more on her than your son. If your son over heard that conversation it would sounds to him like you are taking her side and NOT your sons.
Now that is something that you can never let happen. That could quickly move your son out of your end of the ring and in to hers. Be there, validate and listen. His rock. His safe place.
Me: 34 Stbxw: 30 D:5 D:3 Mini bd: May/June 2019 Married: Aug 2019 BD: 6th Dec 2019 OM Confirmed: Feb 2020 March 2020: I filed for D Waiting for D to be finalized and W to move out end of January 2021
All your energy and I mean all your energy has been focused on your wife, her actions and reactions, to what you, your son and family has done. The reason it got to the point where she had to push you away, is because, you wanted to hold onto whatever control YOU THOUGHT you had over her.
She allowed you to think that, but more importantly, YOU allowed yourself to believe her. You have been told, and If you read Sandi Rules, you would know that you should believe nothing a WW say and half of what they do.
If your were focusing on implementing Sandi Rules, than the statements you were making about what she was telling you, would have had no bearings in your life.
Pick yourself and stop WAITING her. No more waiting, Just moving FORWARD with your life. Stop looking back, and start walking forward. She has a problem in her life, NO LONGER YOUR PROBLEM". You are moving forward. She calls you about something other than the kids, NO LONGER YOUR PROBLEM". She twirling, NO LONGER YOUR WORRY". GAL (GET A LIFE). Stop WAITING ON HER.
Joejoe
M:37 W:37 T:11 M:10 S17, S13, S10, S4 BD:06/28/17 OM confirmed 07/20/17 Recon the M 10/29/17 Working hard:2gether
Onward and forward
This process is not a sprint it's a marathon! Patience, Patience, Patience.
quote=CWarrior]That’s a great point, Mumin. He’s “just” upset minimizes his feelings. [/quote]
Totally! Even talking to W in the first place about what happened communicates he accepts what W is saying.
Last edited by Mumin; 12/11/2008:25 PM.
Me: 34 Stbxw: 30 D:5 D:3 Mini bd: May/June 2019 Married: Aug 2019 BD: 6th Dec 2019 OM Confirmed: Feb 2020 March 2020: I filed for D Waiting for D to be finalized and W to move out end of January 2021
Last edited by job; 12/19/2010:01 PM. Reason: added link to new thread
Sit quietly, the answers will reveal themselves when you least expect them to. The past is gone, the present is a gift and you need to focus on today, allow the future to reveal itself when it is ready.
