Dropped the kids off to WW. At her moms she asked me to take them to her and om’s new place. I politely refused and told her I won’t go there. So moms it was, i got there she was waiting on me, She said “hey..pet name.. to me you can say hi” I smiled and she came up to me and said wow.. you look Fing amazing. She’s never said that before. She asked me well... and twirled around and said how do I look? Ok waiting? I told her, I’ve said you look amazing so many times, you already know that.. she put her hands on my body and said damn, divorce is treating you well.. I fought it all most busted out hearing the divorce word.. She said oh no no don’t get upset. I forced a smile. Kinda shook it off. She put her hands on my body and felt me up without asking. Then She said come here to the garage. She showed me her boobs that she just got fixed. I just said “that’s really nice I’m sure someone is happy” she said “awww pet name, don’t say that” then she laughed that I called him a math teacher before and said “he isn’t ugly” He really does look like a substitute math teacher lol she is really beautiful way out of his league. I just laughed at that and said “he makes you look bad, you could do so much better” I walked away and she hugged me and I said “see you.” She said bye handsome.
This is why I try to avoid her. I’m not strong enough yet. I know she doesn’t want me but why the hell does she do that? I need to get to the point I just get stone wall solid. I’m ashamed of myself. A month and everything I did went down the drain. I’m just gonna straight up ignore her from now on maybe she will get pissed and stop playing games with me. She isn’t coming back. I’m just hurting myself like an idiot. I wish I could like go 90 days without her at all like to jail or back to Iraq or something and detox. It [censored] having to see the person that just up and walked away from your life without warning. Next time I’ll just keep my distance and smile from afar. What an idiot I was. Big test to see if she still has me, big fail on my part she does. Dammit I want to stick my head in the dirt. She isn’t coming back, why do I do this.
Last edited by Steve_; 12/02/2002:10 AM.
T:11 M:10 K: D5, S7 BD: 9/1/20 WW continues to break up and recon with OM. I paid last fees and pushed the D 5/3/2021 Default Dissolution granted 8/5/21. Glad my D was not busted.
She must feel like a goddess right now. One handsome loyal and honest man pining for her, working his ass off to be better, being a great dad and being super cool with her still after betraying him and another man begging to be with her doing anything she wants her nestled up with him. Must be nice to be a WW. I need to drop this damn rope. It’s killing me. Next time I come prepared for this. Keep my distance. Keep my pride. I feel like crap now. I feel so stupid. Siting in my apartment alone knowing she’s gonna be laying in our bed with him tonight. She didn’t even buy new blankets. I feel like a loser giving her my affection and kind words. Ugh I’m pissed at myself for being so weak. I tried to hype myself up to get through that and failed bad. I guess it’s at least 4 days I get of NC and next time I’m just staying away. Nobody can 2x4 me harder than I’m doing it to myself I know i messed up.
Last edited by Steve_; 12/02/2002:18 AM.
T:11 M:10 K: D5, S7 BD: 9/1/20 WW continues to break up and recon with OM. I paid last fees and pushed the D 5/3/2021 Default Dissolution granted 8/5/21. Glad my D was not busted.
Hey, it happens. Pick yourself back up, dust yourself off, and you'll do better next time.
Idea-- what will you do next time if the same thing happens? Not get out of the car? Stare at her with dead eyes and and a bored look on your face? Maybe work with your IC on something you can do to prevent that opportunity from happening again next time. (no need to smile from afar. Just a straight face is fine. What would possibly cause you to smile when looking at her?)
Me (46) H (42) M:14 T:18, D9 & D11 4/19 - 12/19: series of escalating BDs 9/20 - present: R and piecing
Just because I want to show her that I’m okay. I know this is her loss. Not mine that’s what I tried to do. But I failed at that.
Last edited by Steve_; 12/02/2002:59 AM.
T:11 M:10 K: D5, S7 BD: 9/1/20 WW continues to break up and recon with OM. I paid last fees and pushed the D 5/3/2021 Default Dissolution granted 8/5/21. Glad my D was not busted.
Oh Steve, I hope you reread the events down the road and see how disgustingly manipulative she is. Her actions are so wrong on so many levels. You are a good man. And you deserve so much more than a manipulative woman playing you for all you’re worth. There are so many women in this world who love will love you purely and wholesomely... keep that image in your mind as you navigate her selfish antics. She is taking advantage of you on so many levels, as a woman I am shocked (though I love purely and wholesome so there’s that). Did you get ensnared in her trap? Yes. But she is taking advantage of someone whom she knows is in a weak place. There is nothing more despicable. Dust yourself off, let the anger fuel you to not let there be a next time. And you know there will be a next time. The further detached you get, the more she will pull these sorts of things. Your job is to focus on you. And your kids (who are living beings separate from her even if she helped create them). Take a deep breath, forgive yourself. You are worthy of so much better than this.
There's always another opportunity to start DBing like a champion starting tomorrow and there's never any sense in worrying about what you did in the past. Focus on the future. And try to avoid these situations by cutting out unnecessary contact. If you don't respond to texts, calls, or statements, people tend to stop sending texts, making calls, or saying things. That will make it easier to detach.
Like an alcohol addict, it's easy to focus on the mistake of how you reacted to her baring her breasts (having that third drink). Of course, you had no business talking to her in the first place. Keep it simple. At drop-off let the kids out of the car, wave or say goodbye to them, then drive away.
Tomorrow is a new day. You're doing IC! That's huge. Chin up and stay strong.
This almost doesn’t seem real at this point. She was at her moms yet wanted you to meet her elsewhere? You allowed her to touch you? And than show you her boobs? Come on man.
I know you haven’t taken really any advice. But meet her in a public place and wear ear buds from now on when you drop the kids off.
Stop making excuses for why this keeps happening and accept your role in it. She can only do what you continue to allow her to do.
Good luck. I really don’t think I can add much more to this except continue therapy.
Me: 40 EX:37 Together 17 years Married 16 years 5 kids, 20,18,15,14,11
This incident was actually good for your development. You’re starting to see her for what she is, and you’re starting to see the part you’re playing in it. It takes time. It gets a little bit easier every time. It won’t always be like this.
Tell your IC what happened, and put strategies in place to prevent it happening again. Next interaction you should walk in 100% mentally prepared.
This almost doesn’t seem real at this point. She was at her moms yet wanted you to meet her elsewhere? You allowed her to touch you? And than show you her boobs? Come on man.
I know you haven’t taken really any advice. But meet her in a public place and wear ear buds from now on when you drop the kids off.
Stop making excuses for why this keeps happening and accept your role in it. She can only do what you continue to allow her to do.
Good luck. I really don’t think I can add much more to this except continue therapy.
This!
Steve why would you even follow her into the garage? "Sorry, I am too busy." Then leave.
You engage with her because YOU WANT TO.
M(53), W(54),D(19) M-23, T-25 Bomb Drop - Dec.23, 2017 Ring and Piecing since March 2018
