As Forrest Gump said, I'm not a smart man. So as I mentioned before, once she got on Tinder, I got on as well. Cuz i'm gonna show her. Anyway, last night after too much wine I decide to hop on and like a few profiles. The next day, lo and behold I get a hit from one that isn't recognizably crazy from the get go. We chat. She asks if I want to get a drink. I say yes. We meet up at a brewery and I goes well. I am 100% honest about things and don't even pretend to try and play games. I have the opportunity to come back to the studio...and decide not to. I don't know what that means, I just know it would be wrong. I'm not gonna lie, it helped my ego and it got her out of my head, but I'm smart enough to know it wasn't right.
Band-aid on a missing limb......................
M(53), W(54),D(19) M-23, T-25 Bomb Drop - Dec.23, 2017 Ring and Piecing since March 2018
Doesn't change anything about the whole situation at all. But I will say this, getting that ego boost (even if it was artificial) did help add a little bit of perspective. It allowed me to focus on something else for a while and reminded me that "I'm good enough, I'm smart enough, and doggone it, people like me."
I don't know what that means, I just know it would be wrong. I'm not gonna lie, it helped my ego and it got her out of my head, but I'm smart enough to know it wasn't right.
Hopefully you got that out of your system and can set the whole dating thing aside for now. Rest assured that if and when you do decide to date, there are plenty of options out there. Just as many will be there a year from now, so there's no need to go rushing into something you're not ready for. I started dating about a year after BD because I thought I was ready. 6 months later I realized I had not been ready at all, but it was only with the benefit of hindsight that I could see that. And then another 6 months later I realized I STILL had not been ready. If I had it to do over again I would have waited the full 2 years. It may not be the same for everyone, but it took me that long to heal and get over my XW and be ready to open up to someone else. We often say to be patient, we're not just talking about be patient with the WAS. We mean with yourself as well.
Yeah - I am under no illusions when it comes to dating. Last night was an impulse, but I'm not looking for anything now or in the near future. When I think about what it would be like if things don't work out, I picture myself embracing the bachelor life 100%.
Back at the house with the boys. Took the W to the airport yesterday as her step father is having heart surgery. She'll be gone until next Sunday. Our time together was pleasant. She remarked more than once about me looking good, losing weight, seeming "better", etc. so that was nice and I was in a good frame of mind. Felt good and in control. Of course, nothing can last and the thoughts started creeping in last night. Ideas, scenarios, suspicions, anxiety, heart pounding, all start coming back. I know in my head that I shouldn't be worried about those things because she's going to do what she's going to do regardless of my actions. I know I need to disassociate myself from those thoughts and focus on me and things I can control. But damn that is so much easier said than done.
