As for never being bored, I don't know what to tell you. I keep pretty busy but sometimes, its later at night, nothing is on TV, I'm too tired to read and I'm looking for something to do - that's a tough time for me.
Scotty, how about just going to bed at these times. The better rested you are, the more energy you'll have towards GAL, kids, reading at night.
Me: 41 W:42 T: 14 M: 11 S: 6
"What happened happened, and couldn't have happened any other way...because it didn't"
^^^^ if you are too tired to read, it usually means it’s time to go to sleep. If you are too tired too read, you should be too tired to read dating profiles.
R2C - I agree I'm heading into the friend zone. I'm not sure how to change that. Homework you recommend is entrepreneurs in cars?
As for never being bored, I don't know what to tell you. I keep pretty busy but sometimes, its later at night, nothing is on TV, I'm too tired to read and I'm looking for something to do - that's a tough time for me.
Last night I did go to dinner with a friend but it ended early and then I had nothing going. Good news, he did invite me on an offroad motorcycle trip in August, so I'm hoping to jump on that. ----------------------------- Today we had another mediation session. My STBXW brought up some parenting issues, which IMO should be discussed in counseling, not mediation. It was interesting that our mediator pointed out to my STBXW how she was attacking me instead of talking to me - I wish we had a marriage counselor with the guts to point that out.
The mediator also told my STBXW on three or four occasions that she couldn't tell me what to do at my house or with my time. I was amused by that as well.
Mediation took it out of me this morning. I've got the kids today and didn't have much for us to do. Tomorrow we're going skiing which will be fun.
Best way to get out of the friend zone is you don’t engage. “Scotty there are flees in my house” your response crickets, nothing, zippo, zero. You don’t give into your nice guy syndrome. When you engage only in regards to the kids you are not in the friend zone you are coparenting.
So you have Christmas Eve together laughing drinking just like the good ole days. You go over she invites you in and tells you about her flea problems and life is grand. Classic Scotty B “this is confusing”.
Monday morning roles around and you go to mediation and you get attacked and basically told you’re not parenting right.
Scotty B when are you going to learn that she is not your friend is she is going to impose her will on you as much as she possibly can?
Lastly, when are you going to understand that nothing in counseling ever worked or ever will work because she’s not interested in fixing anything?
LH - You made me laugh out loud. Those last two questions were so true. I know you’ve been where I am, so you understand the mind F.
The mediator today said her hope is that we file by April.
My STBXW was supposed to get a job offer today (or she was told she didn’t get the job). And hear I am, Mr. Nice Guy wanting to reach out and check in. If she didn’t get it she will he crushed.
Since the separation, every interaction I’ve had with her (2 mediations, 1 drop off, Christmas) she has cried more in front of me than she had in years. She is broken and life is giving her a real tough hand right now. Her dads dementia, her sisters stroke, all kinds of issues with her house, parenting issues, job search issues - life is hard for her.
I know, not my concern. I was fired. Well, it’s not that clean and easy. ———— My life is going well and continues to go well. Tomorrow I’m taking both kids skiing. Wednesday after work I’m grabbing a drink with a good friend. Thursday I’ve got no plans, which kind of stinks - but a friend of mine might be having some people over.
My next 5 day stretch without the kids I might do a spiritual retreat to fill that time. It’s something I’m interested in so we’ll see.
LH - You made me laugh out loud. Those last two questions were so true. I know you’ve been where I am, so you understand the mind F.
The mediator today said her hope is that we file by April.
My STBXW was supposed to get a job offer today (or she was told she didn’t get the job). And hear I am, Mr. Nice Guy wanting to reach out and check in. If she didn’t get it she will he crushed.
Since the separation, every interaction I’ve had with her (2 mediations, 1 drop off, Christmas) she has cried more in front of me than she had in years. She is broken and life is giving her a real tough hand right now. Her dads dementia, her sisters stroke, all kinds of issues with her house, parenting issues, job search issues - life is hard for her.
I know, not my concern. I was fired. Well, it’s not that clean and easy. ———— My life is going well and continues to go well. Tomorrow I’m taking both kids skiing. Wednesday after work I’m grabbing a drink with a good friend. Thursday I’ve got no plans, which kind of stinks - but a friend of mine might be having some people over.
My next 5 day stretch without the kids I might do a spiritual retreat to fill that time. It’s something I’m interested in so we’ll see.
The guilt often makes them cry. And we LBSs usually misinterpret their tears. "He/she is not a crier, so this is big." Because we as the LBS like to pretend that we are still dealing when the person we married. Even though we aren't.
So if you're implying her crying is an indication of remorse, or sadness at what she is losing, becareful. Go by actions. She's still dragging you to mediation, and then trying to criticize you to the mediator. That speaks louder than tears.
M(53), W(54),D(19) M-23, T-25 Bomb Drop - Dec.23, 2017 Ring and Piecing since March 2018
R2C - I agree I'm heading into the friend zone. I'm not sure how to change that. Homework you recommend is entrepreneurs in cars?
That is the tip of the iceberg. IE start there and keep going down the personal growth path. We all have room to improve the way we interact with others. Some ways are attractive and others are not. Some of his beliefs I disagree with, but that is based off of extensive research into the subject and other experts opinions and information as well as my own personal experience. In your case, you should really challenge your current beliefs and be extremely open to ideas that may be polar from your current ones. Dig down into those. Are they good traits to have for you? If so, can you change your behavior to incorporate them into your core?
What works is counter intuitive. The only way to attract her back is to not try and attract her back. It is that simple. You just become the best you. She may like what she sees. If she shows interest, you make her work for your attention. You have criteria that you need to see in her behavior.
"What is best for my kids is best for me" Amor Fati Link to quotes: https://www.divorcebusting.com/forums/ubbthreads.php?ubb=showflat&Number=2879712
Scotty B when are you going to learn that she is not your friend is she is going to impose her will on you as much as she possibly can?
She may attempt to manipulate you with alligator tears. Validate the feelings, but do not let them affect your emotional state.
Look how Clint Eastwood embodies how to respond to woman (or bad guys, or evil). Does he ever emotionally react? he takes care of business. He never chases a woman, but rather the woman are attracted to him and pursue him.
"What is best for my kids is best for me" Amor Fati Link to quotes: https://www.divorcebusting.com/forums/ubbthreads.php?ubb=showflat&Number=2879712
The tears she shed over her sisters stroke made me want to give her a hug, but I didn’t.
The tears about the new job she is going to have to take, about how my daughter is supposedly scared of Covid, the fleas, and all the rest, they aren’t About guilt. They are all about how hard her life is. Those don’t manipulate me too much. I do feel for her some, she’s had a tough run, but the tears aren’t why; and they are not about guilt. This woman doesn’t have guilt. Guilt would lead to a degree of humility; she’s too proud. The tears are all for herself, that’s what she thinks about and cares about.
