Yesterday I get trip when she face times the kids she teared up and said she wished I was with her instead of OM. Today she hit me up and said she is stopping the divorce. Her and OM aren’t working out, she is done and he will leave once he gets his house from LBW.
I just told her.. not getting my hopes up. Stopping the divorce is a nice gesture but with other men being involved in our marriage we don’t have one. I would love to be a family but other men can never happen again. Obviously you still are living with him til he moves out so no need to really worry about it.
I’m gonna call our L tomorrow and see if she is even telling me the truth. Doubt it. Either way I don’t see remorse or regret or apology. So still doesn’t mean jack squat.
T:11 M:10 K: D5, S7 BD: 9/1/20 WW continues to break up and recon with OM. I paid last fees and pushed the D 5/3/2021 Default Dissolution granted 8/5/21. Glad my D was not busted.
Sorry to hear this. That would imho be a worst case scenario--she's cheated on you and returned six times. Letting her return would not learn from that, and you put yourself (and kids) through this again.
Thornton you hit like a hammer bud. That’s the cold hard truth of it. This has not been some life lesson for her. She still could give zero fox about what I went through. I see it. Trust that. Was just updating. Anything short of moving mountains isn’t going to do much for me at this point. I’ve taken enough of a beating.
T:11 M:10 K: D5, S7 BD: 9/1/20 WW continues to break up and recon with OM. I paid last fees and pushed the D 5/3/2021 Default Dissolution granted 8/5/21. Glad my D was not busted.
Thornton you hit like a hammer bud. That’s the cold hard truth of it. This has not been some life lesson for her. She still could give zero fox about what I went through. I see it. Trust that. Was just updating. Anything short of moving mountains isn’t going to do much for me at this point. I’ve taken enough of a beating.
Steve if anyone answers differently then what Thornton posted would be doing you a disservice. I know you will take her back so I’m not even going to go there I am just going to wish you well with your future pains and struggles.
I can’t believe you are considering this either. It is so so so so sad.
If she hasn’t started the divorce, you should. Forget you. This would be the wrong decision for the KIDS. Because you know she will be out the door in another month when she finds a new man. And your poor kids have to see mom come and go while dad holds the door open for it .
She filed in October, I signed it all. It was amicable, no alimony, no spousal support and fixed 1,000 a month child support. She can’t come after my retirement or anything, All in all it was decent for me legally. If the divorce goes through honestly I’d be fine with that. At this point in my life I’m not lifting a finger for my M. Even if she stops the D it’s only because she realized she F’d up but it doesn’t mean she loves and respects me. I really do understand that. Believe that the very last thing in the world I want is to feel the pain I felt the last 3 months. It came close to breaking me. I barely pulled myself through.
In other news got the VA to set me up with in-person therapy and start on anti-depressants some sertraline 25mg then to 50 will follow up in 4 weeks. Doctor asked me if i can take some time off once i told him where i work lol, (it’s a emergency room for people with psychotic breakdowns) i told him I can’t since i am part time and got no paid time off. He understood and apologized for what i been dealing with, commended me for not picking up drinking or anything else destructive. It meant a lot to me, after the war i drank a lot. Glad i got that finally rolling through the actual VA and not out of pocket anymore. But man It takes them forever, but I need it. My self esteem took a big ol whooping. My kids are closer to me than ever before and they are very happy with me, that’s my silver lining here. As much as this destroyed my life In many ways it really brought me and the kids together even more.
I’ll update if anything changes. For now I ride the wave, I do nothing but care for myself and my kids. And I’m honestly totally okay with that.
T:11 M:10 K: D5, S7 BD: 9/1/20 WW continues to break up and recon with OM. I paid last fees and pushed the D 5/3/2021 Default Dissolution granted 8/5/21. Glad my D was not busted.
I commend you for seeing these things through with the VA and getting the help you need.
What I challenge you to do is to change the way you view what happened. It didn’t destroy your life it gave you a change at a great life. If you trust the process and focus on your kids and getting better I promise you that you will find a woman who cherishes you for who you are and what you bring to the table.
Any future that has your STBXW as your partner will be nothing but pain and misery.
The 2 things that keep LBS not getting what they want are not trusting the process and patience.
Remember the rule: "Believe nothing she says and only half of what she does!"
Even if she stops the D, you should view that as more manipulation. You need to get to a place where you refuse to be Plan B. OM leaving and her being lonely is not her wanting to come back, it is her coming back by default. Steve_, your sitch is very similar to mtb's and a couple of other posters'......and in those cases those posters eventually refused to be jerked around by the nose and moved forward with D themselves! As others have said, you need to find your self-respect and realize that you deserve better......then do what you need to to go out and get it (hint: that means moving on from her and forward with your life.
The "come here come here come here.....go away go away go away!" dynamic that your STBXW's plays with you is keeping you stuck because when says the come heres, your instinct is to run towards her. You've made a lot of progress, do not let her crazy pull you back.
M(53), W(54),D(19) M-23, T-25 Bomb Drop - Dec.23, 2017 Ring and Piecing since March 2018
