Advice on Wife's Midlife Crisis Affair

[Ready2Change]

I relate. I was served papers at exchange time in front of the children. deliberate also.

Talk to your medical doctor about sleep aids. I had these pills for a few months that let me sleep 8 hours straight. It was wonderful.

Keep you emotions in check while in the presence of others. Release them when it is safe to do so.

R2C

[ovrrnbw]

Hybrid,

whenever someone does this they are hoping to hurt you, to get a reaction out of you. It only works if you let it. I remember a good quote a DB'er gave me a couple years ago from Bruce Lee:

"You will continue to suffer if you have an emotion reaction to everything that is said to you. True power is sitting back and observing everything with logic. If words control you that means everyone else can control you. Breathe and allow things to pass."

You don't become a stoic overnight, so I don't expect you to not feel the pain. But you knew this was possible. Divorce doesn't bring out the best in people. Try to view the rest of this as a business transaction. You broke up with gf's before right? Treat her like that and move forward.

[Joe2017]

Yeah that was probably deliberate. Just like how my WW set our divorce court date for February 14th. Yeah, on Valentine’s Day.

Time to dig in and DB hard. Get some GAL time in every day. Turn that negative energy into something productive.

[97Hope]

Hybrid,

Sorry you were served at work. Totally unnecessary, as you know.

So you know what/who you are dealing with. She's not on your team. You are going to need to remind yourself of that often as this progresses.

Best advice I ever received during this stage:

- Treat D as a business deal. Keep all emotion out of it.
- We cannot empathize with unsafe people.

That second one my IC actually kind of yelled it at me. lol I was having a very hard time seeing my X for what he was - I was focusing more on the pain 'he' must be in.

I think it's easier when we read of other people here - we can see their WAS doing horrible things and wonder why the LBS is still fighting so hard to keep them - or in your case - why they feel sorry for them.

Oddly - My X's BF called me one day and said "X wants a divorce? GIVE IT TO HIM." Even his BF of 40 years saw how disordered X was behaving. It's hard to see because we loved them for so long, but in my case - I chose to love him from a distance, while protecting myself emotionally, financially and physically (stress isn't good for our health).

Stay strong. Fight for yourself. Keep DBing. You won't regret it!

x