I now need to learn to respect myself again, stand up for myself again, and get stronger, without getting aggressive. That's my challenge. I need to get back to who I was when I was fun loving, knew my self-worth, and could determine my Own path.
Yup.
Learning how to let others express their emotions without changing your state is wonderful thing. Letting go of the rope is the goal. "The one who emotionally reacts first looses." You are the emotional rock. Calm. Content. Happy with your life the way it is.
"What is best for my kids is best for me" Amor Fati Link to quotes: https://www.divorcebusting.com/forums/ubbthreads.php?ubb=showflat&Number=2879712
On the COVID and travel... what's the long game for Scott? My understanding given what he's shared is that the long game is to get the most time he can with his children in a divorce settlement. I would bet you that she's keeping tabs of all his travel (whether you think it is risky or not, the official CDC recommendation is not to travel right now) and this is all going to come up in the custody battle. There are examples of judges revoking custody for a parent who has been exposing their children to risky COVID behavior.
My advice? Figure out what is most important to you long term and then make every decision with that goal in mind. Who cares if she thinks she can still control you? If she thinks she's in the driver's seat, you are more likely to get what you want. If you fan the flames right now and do anything that could give her ammunition in the coming divorce, I would question whether or not you're just acting on emotion and short-term pleasure (like travel).
Me (46) H (42) M:14 T:18, D9 & D11 4/19 - 12/19: series of escalating BDs 9/20 - present: R and piecing
The truth is, when going through a divorce during a pandemic that isn’t exactly amicable with kids, this is risky. It’s like a time you should really err on the caution and not take risky moves.
I wouldn’t be surprised if this is a time of documenting risky behavior, and some think it is, some think it isn’t. And if courts are putting pieces of a puzzle together, then it may not be in your best interest.
I’m Not even saying if it’s right or wrong to travel right now. You went to visit your parents, that’s great, which will work on your favor . You weren’t in the Miami clubs which, oh man, a coworker went to and took pictures and that was bad.
Anyways, err on the side of caution. Consult with your lawyer. These are indeed unprecedented times . It is being worked into divorce agreements these days.
I don’t think this is going to hurt you. And forget her and how she feels about it. All you need to know is how the courts would feel about it. So talk to your lawyer.
Her affair started in 2015. And before that, in 2014 I remember thinking that the only way I felt love from her was because she would make love to me. Otherwise she was mean.
Wait. Was this disclosed before? How did I miss this?
M(53), W(54),D(19) M-23, T-25 Bomb Drop - Dec.23, 2017 Ring and Piecing since March 2018
WORST ADVICE EVER!!!!!!!!! After nearly a year of this craziness now we should suggest we listen to WAW/WW and their crazy beliefs. This is YOUR belief AS it is not law or even suggested by all - certainly by some but not by all. Everyone has to be somewhere and that includes Scott.
Don, you can express your disagreement without throwing a temper tantrum. I told Scott my opinion, he acknowledged it was good advice, he considered it and he rejected it for personal reasons which is absolutely his right and I respect that. You however do not have the right to express your opinion like it is the only one that matters. Step back, take a deep breath, relax, chill. You have an opposing view then by all means express it, but do not come in here attacking me or anyone else, you do not have the right.
Her affair started in 2015. And before that, in 2014 I remember thinking that the only way I felt love from her was because she would make love to me. Otherwise she was mean.
Wait. Was this disclosed before? How did I miss this?
Yes, this has been posted a good bit. I was referring to it as an EA. Now I'm not so sure. She always said nothing ever happened and he said the same to his wife. It came to an end when his wife found the two of them in the backseat of my wife's SUV and took a video. The windows are tinted and she was from across the parking lot. All that can be seen in the video is him getting out of the backseat of the car. At the time his clothes were not disheveled. I never got to the bottom of what happened - probably because I didn't really want to know.
Her affair started in 2015. And before that, in 2014 I remember thinking that the only way I felt love from her was because she would make love to me. Otherwise she was mean.
Wait. Was this disclosed before? How did I miss this?
Yes, this has been posted a good bit. I was referring to it as an EA. Now I'm not so sure. She always said nothing ever happened and he said the same to his wife. It came to an end when his wife found the two of them in the backseat of my wife's SUV and took a video. The windows are tinted and she was from across the parking lot. All that can be seen in the video is him getting out of the backseat of the car. At the time his clothes were not disheveled. I never got to the bottom of what happened - probably because I didn't really want to know.
Okay, wow, must have forgotten. I was under the impression your W was just unhappy and wanted to end the MR. Scott, please keep detaching because I'm quite sure the other shoe of an OM is going to drop and I fear it will set you back.
M(53), W(54),D(19) M-23, T-25 Bomb Drop - Dec.23, 2017 Ring and Piecing since March 2018
