You sound like you care about your business, so I imagine it was quite a smack upside the head to hear divorce law in your area may favor selling off the business as opposed to splitting it.
Originally Posted by Scott
her attorney is saying that my entire income is subject to support. So let's say I make $500k per year but I could pay someone $150k per year to do my job and the other $350k is profit. Well, they are trying to say that I would need to pay support on the entire $500k.
What's your attorney say? You say a lot about what her attorney says, not so much about what yours says. Around me, the above would depend on the legal form of your business.. and that can be changed.
Just as it's the job of your wife's attorney to inform her what she's entitled to under the law and advocate for it, the job of your attorney is to do the same for you. You sound shell-shocked and blindsided. Most people walk in a little unsure, e.g., "My attorney says my 401k is legally 50% hers, but I hope she'll let me keep 70%". It sounds like your attorney didn't prepare you that this was possible and even probable.
We had 2.5 hours of mediation with both of our attorney's. I struggle to use the written word to explain how full of rage I am. It was 2.5 hours of me taking questions about my business. Her attorney, as expected, is going to go for way more than is reasonable - presumably with a hope of landing in the middle.
So here are some of the things I learned. If my business is worth $2mm - that is the value for the divorce. So I give my STBXW $1mm and then I own the entire business. If I sell the business then I owe $600k of taxes on the value - the court system does not take that embedded tax into account when they do the valuation. So effectively my wife gets $1mm and I get the tax, leaving me with $400k. Let me just say that is not fair.
AND If that weren't enough, her attorney is saying that my entire income is subject to support. So let's say I make $500k per year but I could pay someone $150k per year to do my job and the other $350k is profit.
The typical assumption would be that if I bought the business (see above) the the profit would not be subject to spousal support, because I bought it. Well, they are trying to say that I would need to pay support on the entire $500k. AND of course, alimony can no longer be written off.
And of course this does not account for all the other assets that are also getting cut in half.
I'll give it some time before I decide to do anything dramatic, but a scorched earth policy is beginning to feel appropriate.
Sell it, and look for new work.
It would save me several hundred thousand in capital gains taxes, it would drop me several tax brackets, and it would create a situation where I would owe no support. Net of all of it, I would end up in the same spot with arguably diminished future income potential; but I could figure that out.
Maybe I start another business once this is behind me.
Are you W-2'ing yourself?
I don't know how she can partake in the gross receipts but avoid the taxes and costs, that would work out well for anyone who is a business owner.
H 34 W 29 BD 3/12/18 Divorce Busted Spring 19
It is not things that bother us, but the stories we tell ourselves about things.
I have a meeting with my attorney in 12 days. We'll see how that goes. A question I often get is, Do you have a good attorney? She has a good reputation. Typically works with business owners and did a local billionaires divorce, so I think she is good. My wife chose an attorney that also has an excellent reputation.
It's hard to believe how this works. The damage I have done to myself in trying to save the marriage is hard to comprehend. At the time she had her affair I was only worth $1mm. If I had just pulled the ripcord then it literally would have saved me $1mm because of how much I've grown my business. There also would have been no chance of support (spousal or child support). Now that I was successful, even though she has torn me apart over those 5 years and made it very hard to be at work, she gets hundreds of thousands of dollars plus more than likely $4-7k per month.
Some say "it's just money". But we're talking blood, sweat, and tears. Not to mention how the marriage counselors pushed me to be more vulnerable and to share my feelings, all of which were weaponized and turned against me by my STBXW. It's still hard for me to comprehend how this is happening. I worked to do everything right - loved my family, loved my wife, fought for the marriage, didn't hide assets or play any games, continued to work the right way, I did everything that was asked of me and more, and now its all being used against me.
And if this was going to be a fair deal, I could deal with that to some degree. But if they cut everything in half and then I get a 35% tax liability the way the math works she gets 72% and I walk with 28%. I just can't believe that's how the system works.
And on top of that if I owe her support based on the profits from the business that I bought from her - I just can't. I'm sure I'm overreacting and I need to just settle down and wait this out to see how this goes, but its a lot to take.
Do yourself a favor and find the movie "The War Of The Roses" on a streaming service. As soon as you said: "Not to mention how the marriage counselors pushed me to be more vulnerable and to share my feelings, all of which were weaponized and turned against me by my STBXW." it made me think of that movie. If you've seen it, or when you see it, you will immediately understand what I mean.
P.S. I do not suggest urinating on her fish. (You'll get the reference if and when you see it!)
M(53), W(54),D(19) M-23, T-25 Bomb Drop - Dec.23, 2017 Ring and Piecing since March 2018
It's hard to believe how this works. The damage I have done to myself in trying to save the marriage is hard to comprehend. At the time she had her affair I was only worth $1mm. If I had just pulled the ripcord then it literally would have saved me $1mm because of how much I've grown my business. There also would have been no chance of support (spousal or child support). Now that I was successful, even though she has torn me apart over those 5 years and made it very hard to be at work, she gets hundreds of thousands of dollars plus more than likely $4-7k per month.
Sometimes lessons in life are hard. I hope you will never again tolerate infidelity.
Originally Posted by ScottB
Not to mention how the marriage counselors pushed me to be more vulnerable and to share my feelings, all of which were weaponized and turned against me by my STBXW.
This is exactly why we do not encourage MC when one partner has check out.
Originally Posted by ScottB
I'm sure I'm overreacting and I need to just settle down and wait this out to see how this goes, but its a lot to take.
It is a lot to take but I am sure it won't be as bad as you anticipate.
Settling and reaching agreements is part of the process. Split the cookie in half. If she splits the cookie, you pick the half. If you split the cookie, she picks the half.
She claims a value of something, you decide if you want her to have it on her half of the balance sheet.
She claims Car1 is worth 10K. You believe it is 14K. You take the car at $10K.
You believe it is worth 5K. Let her have it.
At the end the net worth should be split 50/50 on the balance sheet.
Way over simplified i know, but you have to have some tactical thinking.
"What is best for my kids is best for me" Amor Fati Link to quotes: https://www.divorcebusting.com/forums/ubbthreads.php?ubb=showflat&Number=2879712
I haven't plugged into too many other threads of people out here. But I was struck by how the end of these marriages are all so incredibly similar. It just seems like they all follow the same predictable path.
My takeaway is to definitely to move on.
I thought this was good
Originally Posted by Kimmie Lee
After years of reading all of these short, sad, WAW stories, there is only one conclusion I arrive at:
Kick their @sses to the curb and leave them there. They want out? Throw them out. Now!
They patronize you by saying you deserve better? Find someone better immediately.
Who needs to wait around for a lying, cheating, betraying, character-assassinating POS WAS?
Now, that's the kind of validating I'm talking about. Go ahead and give them exactly what they say they want. And give it to them IMMEDIATELY! No namby-pamby wimp-@ss "waiting."
After all, they've been so "unhappy" for "so long."
Went to my sons lacrosse game last night and saw the STBX. I was shocked she walked right up to me and smiled and said hello. Very fake; there were people around. I got to hug both of my kids. Then she implied that we were going to sit together,; she did have my daughter. So I hung with my daughter; my STBX and I didn’t talk at all. I then went and hung out with a friend of mine that she as there. Afterwards I got to talk to JT son for a bit and then she left with the kids.
I got to go to dinner with two other families and it was great. Today I’m going snowboarding by myself. Couldn’t find anyone to go and decided to go anyhow. Not ideal, but I’ll have fun.
When I get home I’m planning to hang my new dartboard and take a nap. Looking forward to next weekend when I take the kids on a ski trip.
Also felt fortunate to get asked to a super bowl party. I was worried I was going to be watching that alone, which would have sucked.
Great that you got to go to dinner with others, and that you have plans for tomorrow.
Also, love the dart board. I hung mine in the new house after we moved in and reconnecting with the game has been awesome. I have a buddy that comes over and we play at least twice a month. So relaxing and fun.
M(53), W(54),D(19) M-23, T-25 Bomb Drop - Dec.23, 2017 Ring and Piecing since March 2018
