And I cancelled her car insurance under my USAA. Also cancelled my Disney plus and Netflix that she uses.
Glad you're getting your finances taken care of. Not sure it's wise to remove her from your auto policy unless she has her own. That's what I was told. My WW had to get her own, then call our insurer to get her name removed.
It's a difficult process to go through when finances have been co mingled for years.
WW brings me a rose and a card that says “I’ll love you husband” she wrote in it, “nobody understands me the way you do” she was supposed to be bringing the kids gifts. I felt bad so I got her something and snuck it into her car at work, flowers etc. she caught me and the kids doing it an laughed. I went back to the ILs house to put her key back and I noticed she had got cards and flowers from other dudes. I just said wow, wtf. Didn’t even confront her on it just left back to my place. Wow I felt super stupid. She calls me later and thanks me for the gift, told me her manager saw her “Ex husband” putting things in her car. 2 hours ago I was a good husband. She calls me for a check engine light on her car and I just was like, “what happened? The dudes sending you cards and flowers can’t fix your car?” She hung up on me. Lol. Then she texts me later with some matchmaking thing that shows her and me as her match and she writes “well he does tolerate my ass the most”. Dude I lost it. My kids are even pissed off at this point. I probably shouldn’t have but I sent her a text that said this.
“I am done, you come to my house with a I love you husband card and gifts for the kids and then you leave to LA, if you loved us where the F are you? You call when your boyfriend is a jerk and you miss me, when the kids are bad, when your car is broke but otherwise you call me your ex husband? Please I am dead serious leave me alone. Stop the games. She wants me to take her out for our anniversary for dinner and said if I don’t she will make plans I said I’m not going to. I’m so beyond sick of this. I shouldn’t have been so negative but I just got tired of this bullshiz. My son was so pissed he got a pair of scissors and cut her card she gave me In half. She has been telling her mother and everyone else she will come back to me “eventually” but for now she is having fun. Nope fuc all that. I told her please don’t come over, don’t call, don’t text. Email only from now on I’m sick of this.
And that was that.
This is hurting me, hurting my kids and hurting our family. And I keep tolerating it and being mr nice guy. Even her card and texts repeat how nice and forgiving I am. I just snapped. I am sick of being the mr get screwed over guy. I hope she really takes the hint and stops trying. I will not be interacting with her anymore at any level. Every time I do it just makes it worse. And she plays her games. F that.
T:11 M:10 K: D5, S7 BD: 9/1/20 WW continues to break up and recon with OM. I paid last fees and pushed the D 5/3/2021 Default Dissolution granted 8/5/21. Glad my D was not busted.
I'm sorry this is all happening. But I'm very, very confused. I've been reading along this whole time and I have lost count of how many times you've said basically what you just said above-- she said X, now I totally get it, I'm done. i'm going NC. It feels a bit like Groundhog Day.
Can you share some actions you'll take this time (different from before) that will help you break this cycle? Maybe it is time for parenting app that you can communicate through if necessary and you can block her number? How are you going to protect your children?
I'm just feeling so sad right now. Your kids are even more in the middle of this than they were before. It is just horrible to witness.
Can you and your IC come up with a plan for how you will break free of these unhealthy cycles? I think you need a sponsor like in AA. Is there someone you can call who can counsel you away from your impulses to engage? Can you post here more frequently like when you're tempted to say BUY HER FLOWERS people here can talk you off the ledge? Can you block her phone NOW? Tattoo STOP on your hand or make a stop sign your new phone screensaver?
A tiny part of me is wondering if this is all real.
Me (46) H (42) M:14 T:18, D9 & D11 4/19 - 12/19: series of escalating BDs 9/20 - present: R and piecing
I remember the first post of mine in your sitch. 7 affairs right?
You gotta get off this ride man. Then you have to figure out what compelled you to keep coming back and fix that or else this will be your life and your kids' lives. Will you be the one who breaks the negative cycle or the one who passed it down to the next generation?
H 34 W 29 BD 3/12/18 Divorce Busted Spring 19
It is not things that bother us, but the stories we tell ourselves about things.
I don't know why myself, or half the other people bother to reply to you Steve..
Same old, Same old.
Lots of words, and your actions say the opposite.
You didnt fell bad you didnt get her anything, you felt a glimmer of hope.. The hope that a serial cheating nut job of a wife may want you back.. You jumped at that chance involving your children in the process !
Sorry Steve, but IMO you are a pretty poor father. You are selfish and desperate. You act on emotion, in much the same way a WW does.. There is ZERO logic or rational to your decissions. God knows what your poor chidren must be thinking of this circus!.. I really do feel for them. You cannot control your WW selfish actions or what the kids see around her. You can be the bigger man and show them stability when with you.. You don't have the backbone to do that and involve them in this charade of FUBAR !
This is all becoming a bit of a joke, except when kids are involved, its not funny.
Previous username - Helpme123.. A name chosen at a desperate time..
Now Mr Brightside.. coming out of my cage, and doing just fine.
Agree with above. Steve, pleas come back and tell us you have blocked her on all channels except email AND then initiate D. If not I see no point in commenting anymore here.
Me: 34 Stbxw: 30 D:5 D:3 Mini bd: May/June 2019 Married: Aug 2019 BD: 6th Dec 2019 OM Confirmed: Feb 2020 March 2020: I filed for D Waiting for D to be finalized and W to move out end of January 2021
"I probably shouldn’t have but I sent her a text that said this.
“I am done, you come to my house with a I love you husband card and gifts for the kids and then you leave to LA, if you loved us where the F are you? You call when your boyfriend is a jerk and you miss me, when the kids are bad, when your car is broke but otherwise you call me your ex husband? Please I am dead serious leave me alone. Stop the games. "
Steve, why you do not come to the board before you take action is beyond me. We have tried and tried to get you to come here so we can give you guidance BEFORE you act.
The above text is too wordy. Imagine if you did this:
"Leave me alone. From now on use this coparenting app to communicate me ONLY about the kids."
AND THEN BLOCK HER CALLS AND TEXTS.
She doesn't listen to you. I wouldn't doubt if she has already called or text since you told her "Please don't". WHY ARE YOU SAYING PLEASE???
Sorry we've heard this before: "And that was that.
This is hurting me, hurting my kids and hurting our family. And I keep tolerating it and being mr nice guy. Even her card and texts repeat how nice and forgiving I am. I just snapped. I am sick of being the mr get screwed over guy. I hope she really takes the hint and stops trying. I will not be interacting with her anymore at any level. Every time I do it just makes it worse. And she plays her games. F that."
The next time she sends you a card or gift I expect you to spring into action again. She has you by the tail. And will continue to do so as long as you allow her.
"I AM REALLY DONE THIS TIME." are empty words because you've said this many times in your threads, and I would guess probably 100s of times in reality.
Steve, I really hope you will consider getting advice before reacting to her in the future.....but I doubt you will.
M(53), W(54),D(19) M-23, T-25 Bomb Drop - Dec.23, 2017 Ring and Piecing since March 2018
First you keep saying you’re legally covered. My lawyer didn’t/doesn’t want me saying very much to my ex unless I run it past her first. And the reasoning behind it is because my ex is similar to yours. Though even mine on occasion has moments of clarity and admits she’s screwed the kids up enough. You just skim over the legal issues and say you’re covered. You’re not. You’re gonna do something out of emotion that’s gonna cause you to lose your kids. And if that happens sorry Steve, there won’t be anyone around to say how wonderful and forgiving you are.
You keep saying your done. You’re never going back. You’ve learned your lesson. You disappear for a few days, come back with some bombastic story that shows your broken record of a relationship. You’re speeding at a light pole saying you’re gonna hit the breaks but expect the pole to get out of your way.
You’re not acting like a good father. Period. Maybe you where once upon a time, but allowing your kids to go through this is flat out disgusting. File for for divorce. Stop feeling bad for a trash can of a human and move on. Stop talking about her around your kids. Stop making life about her around your kids. Your kids are gonna grow up and think this is normal or ok.
Do you not have any family or friends that know the truth? How is anyone that’s supporting you saying this is ok? It’s not. It’s genuinely scary. And it’s not just your ex that’s acting scary. You fly off the handle at every interaction that doesn’t go your way. How can you keep falling over and over and over again for the same stuff? It’s mind numbing to see this.
I’m gonna give you some advice my father gave me that you obviously need to hear. You are the company you keep. What does that say about you Steve?
Steve, it’s time to grow up, accept reality, be an actual father (btw that doesn’t require you to married to her to be an actual father) and move the hades on.
I’m not sorry if this came off harsh. It disturbing as anything you are more than willing to put your kids through this because you’d rather continue to have these nightmare insane blow outs with a serial cheater who doesn’t give a rats @$$ about you than no contact at all.
I really don’t know what else to say. At this point I’m praying you’re just trolling everyone here because you’re bored or lying about 90% of this because you need attention. Because that would actually be better than what your poor kids are going through. What you as their father are allowing them to go through. Take some responsibility, your ex can only do what YOU allow her to do.
Me: 40 EX:37 Together 17 years Married 16 years 5 kids, 20,18,15,14,11
I felt bad so I got her something and snuck it into her car at work, flowers etc. she caught me and the kids doing it.. My son was so pissed he got a pair of scissors and cut her card she gave me In half.. This is hurting me, hurting my kids
Oh Steve, please block your ex and get more therapy a.s.a.p. YOUR behaviors keep putting you and your kids through trauma and difficulties. That's probably hard to see from where you are, easy to say "It's her!" and "They don't get it." You need space and support to get free of your trauma bond. For motivation read May's post, read Joseph's thread, and post here daily for support. Please--we care and want you better. (:
