Hey Steve, if you have the time, maybe you could send us a daily post, just so we'll know you are okay. You don't have to wait until you have an "update".
It is not about what you feel should work in your M. It is about doing the work that gets the right results. Do what works!
Don't respond to anything she says. Your WW is disrespectful to you and is manipulative. Treat yourself for your 10th, hang out with friends....she's already lost to you.
Let me get this straight. Your WW spent $3,000 on a Gucci bag but hasn't paid her L?
Unless she's got the expensive wardrobe to go with it, she going to look pretty stupid showing off a Gucci. Call me cheap, but I can think of a lot of things to spend $3,000 on, and it's not a purse.
Here's the thing, Steve. She will try to pressure you by guilting you into giving her that money. I don't care what you said before she took off to meet that man.........it was cancelled out by her actions, b/c you were deceived. You don't owe her squat! Don't listen to any of her garbage, and don't respond.
((hugs))
It is not about what you feel should work in your M. It is about doing the work that gets the right results. Do what works!
Lately I took my son fishing, got some new gym clothes, couple things I wanted.
For me I am continuing IC, I am working as much as I can, I try not to think about this, I am beginning to see happiness with someone else later but I don’t want to go looking for it. I will just sit here quietly, work on my fitness, my kids and that’s about it. I’m gonna double down at the gym before the depression has me bounce back to pre-BD weight. It’s trying. Only thing I can do at this point is honestly nothing. Which is weird for me. But it is what it is.
Yes there are a lot of times during the day the loneliness gets me, I wish I had someone to love that reciprocated, but that’s the codependency issue I’m struggling with. I need to get to the point where I’m totally okay alone. Where I find contentment. Then I can go from there. It is a daily struggle and I still feel sad about losing the image of what my wife and I were but it’s all it was, an image. In my mind, Nothing more.
T:11 M:10 K: D5, S7 BD: 9/1/20 WW continues to break up and recon with OM. I paid last fees and pushed the D 5/3/2021 Default Dissolution granted 8/5/21. Glad my D was not busted.
Steve_, I feel you man. I think loneliness is natural, even if we are content and happy on our own. I didn't marry until 29 years old. I was a bachelor on my own for several years. I was perfectly happy living on my own and content in how my life was. I would work, go to gym and workout, hang out with friends in the evening and weekends, and go on occasional dates (when I wasn't in a R). But there were times I was lonely. And that is when I would reach out to friends and family.
I like your last few updates. Well done!
M(53), W(54),D(19) M-23, T-25 Bomb Drop - Dec.23, 2017 Ring and Piecing since March 2018
I used a website called meetup.com to find some activities to do. Like SteveLW said, reach out to family and friends. Make new ones if you don't have enough.
H 34 W 29 BD 3/12/18 Divorce Busted Spring 19
It is not things that bother us, but the stories we tell ourselves about things.
Steve_, how are things going? I'd love to have you check in here at least once a day even if it is just to say "Nothing new to report!"
In my sitch, updating my sitch regularly was cathartic. And as I improved in my DBing getting that feedback (and the 2x4s when I slipped up) were invaluable.
Hope you are doing well Steve! As others have said you are a really good dude and you deserve to be happy.
M(53), W(54),D(19) M-23, T-25 Bomb Drop - Dec.23, 2017 Ring and Piecing since March 2018
Sort of finally accepted things. I don't really talk to WW unless its absolutely neccesary. She prodded out yesterday a bit asking me about getting a compression belt for her recent hernia surgery. I told her only "if its comfortable, that's fine, go for it" that was it. Not another word. I did get called by the discharge nurse because I am still "the husband" when she went into recovery on Tuesday and I took her home (nobody else could literally, she thanked me and that was it, simple nothing else). I took my son and left to the gym, she complimented my new clothes, new haircut and my physique improvement, I said thank you and left. Very simple.
Since then I haven't said anything to her, that was Tuesday. I feel a bit mixed up. This is the least contact I have had with her since BD and OM. Its hard because I want to reach out and say xxx and yyy but I have realized it makes zero difference. All this time I refused to accept what she told me with her words and actions. I finally actually have. I do sometimes feel defeated but I know I gave it a really good shot and im okay with that. I really did do my best to love her through it. I don't have any regrets besides not standing up for myself sooner, this stage is now depression. I am doing alright with it, hitting the gym, cooking for myself, talking to friends and so on. I am starting to imagine a life without my WW but it still scares me, the "unknown" I know that I will eventually be happy again but for now things suck. I get some small moments in my day where I watch a tv show or do other things that help me not think about it. So far its just NC and trying to GAL. I did ask a female coworker I have a lot in common with out to dinner. I don't expect anything, just to go out with a person that gets me. I don't need any drama right now, I just did it to have some interaction besides with my kids or at work.
Just moving forward one day at a time and trying to take a step away from this each day. Its tough but ill get there. The depression gets to me sometimes but its not so much feeling like I need to take any action, its more of a "wish it went different" and looking back and realizing just how bad it all was.
Last edited by Steve_; 02/25/2106:28 PM.
T:11 M:10 K: D5, S7 BD: 9/1/20 WW continues to break up and recon with OM. I paid last fees and pushed the D 5/3/2021 Default Dissolution granted 8/5/21. Glad my D was not busted.
