Steve_letting go part 3.

[sandi2]

^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^ This!

You get it, Joseph, and I hope Steve can sense the wisdom through your personal experience in all the posts you've written him.

[Traveler]

Hi Steve_, any update?

[Steve_]

So a pretty eventful week.

WW got me a pair of nikes made for nurses that I wanted. Told me she wants to go to Hawaii with me in a month and the kids. To take the time off work. Became very sweet. I went over to her moms to get mine and my kids hair cut and she asked me to go hiking, to come over etc etc. I just sat there and looked at her in the most like are you serious look I could muster and said “honey I’m not a side husband. You can be single or you can be with me fixing this, it’s not both.” She just said “well I’m not even going out of doing anything just be patient let me see if this is what I want” I laughed and said well, it’s not like I barely know you and I’m asking for a commitment. We have kids and we are about to get divorced. It’s in or out, I honestly do love you but I certainly don’t need this. She looked really surprised. She said “just let it happen naturally” legit her mom and sister heard it and called her a dumbass in her language. She bought me dinner i played cards with her mom and her and then I left. I felt like.. nothing. Like i felt bad for her in a way that her games aren’t working on me. I only shrugged when she reached for a hug. She then got mad. I asked her to take the kids early so I could go out with friends. She said “don’t get drunk and come over here, or text me ultimatums, you know I don’t like that” I laughed in her face and just got in my truck. She actually thought I would try it lmao.

I went out. I dressed nicely I left her there, and just like sort of laughed at the stupidity I just witnessed. I went out with 3 girls from work and had a blast. My WW tried to ask with who, where I went, etc etc. I didn’t say. Turns out one has been wanting me a long time, she is tall and beautiful, and her BF dumped her that night. She was all over me. I brought her back to my place and I sat her down and just listened to her vent. I had /have no intention of being with anyone. It totally messed with her head I didn’t try to sleep with her. She looked at me and said.. she doesn’t deserve you. I just said “I know” and listened to her talk. At this point both of us are a trainwreck. But it was nice to have a really good looking woman be all over me and pretty much have the strength to friend zone her cause I’m not needing another drama bomb.

All day today random girls That were new kept making comments to me. It’s like something changed and they are looking at me different. A nurse I’m not into asked me to come over and just do the thing. I declined and said you are amazing and I couldn’t do that. (Truth is I don’t even like her that way). I made an appointment to get the rest of my tattoo done Sunday a full-sleeve. I made it to the gym tonight and worked my ass off. Posted a pic and tons of my friends are telling me how great I’m looking. I have made massive improvements.

And my WW goes on a date with a dude. Tonight. I hear it because my friends seen her. And you know what I said? LOL... she almost had me. I knew she was full of it.

I made a study group to help two buddies from work through nursing school. They are coming this week. Also I am taking my kids hiking with a bunch of nurses and friends at work this week. Am I’m okay? No. So I love my wife.. yes I do. But I know it’s over. And it [censored] but I’m gonna be okay.

[Mumin]

So you’re not blocking her...
Have you filed?

[MrBrside]

WW got me a pair of nikes made for nurses that I wanted. Told me she wants to go to Hawaii with me in a month and the kids. To take the time off work. Became very sweet. I went over to her moms to get mine and my kids hair cut and she asked me to go hiking, to come over etc etc. I just sat there and looked at her in the most like are you serious look I could muster and said “honey I’m not a side husband. You can be single or you can be with me fixing this, it’s not both.” She just said “well I’m not even going out of doing anything just be patient let me see if this is what I want” I laughed and said well, it’s not like I barely know you and I’m asking for a commitment. We have kids and we are about to get divorced. It’s in or out, I honestly do love you but I certainly don’t need this. She looked really surprised. She said “just let it happen naturally” legit her mom and sister heard it and called her a dumbass in her language. She bought me dinner i played cards with her mom and her and then I left. I felt like.. nothing. Like i felt bad for her in a way that her games aren’t working on me. I only shrugged when she reached for a hug. She then got mad. I asked her to take the kids early so I could go out with friends. She said “don’t get drunk and come over here, or text me ultimatums, you know I don’t like that” I laughed in her face and just got in my truck. She actually thought I would try it lmao.

Steve,

you are making great progress, and i applaud you for not jumping into bed with other women. You dont need this in your life now, so well done..

However the above is just too much interaction. I just hope your children didnt see it.

Let her mother cut their hair - As for you, i would stick to drop offs and collections and stay at the door / in your truck.

This is WAY too much interaction, and your WW ( she really is a piece of work ) is trying to manipulate.

For your part, you are still implying you would reconcile with this piece of work - Which i find insane. She will draw you in and spit you out for the rest of your life if you all - she will not change !

[Steve_]

I don’t text, call or contact her. I went to get our hair cuts and it was my daughters first ever hair cut she is 5 so the WW came over to supervise it. I was not going to tell her she cannot be around for we daughters first ever hair cut. At some point I have to interact with her in person having the kids and I cannot help what she tries to say. I tried to handle it the best I could. I still have feelings for my wife but they are becoming less and less as time goes on. I do have loneliness and sadness but I am not the disaster I was a month ago. Other than that Interaction for the hair cuts there hasn’t been any. And yes the D is now filed.

[SteveLW]

TO MrBSide's point, Steve_ you have made progress. But is obvious that if she were to say the right things "I WANT to be in the marriage, stop the D, and work on this" you'd be open to it. She knows that. But she is trying to skate the line of WW's: do what she wants, but keep you waiting in the wings. At this point with your situtation, I would prefer if you were replacing “honey I’m not a side husband. You can be single or you can be with me fixing this, it’s not both.” with "Woman, not if you were the last female on planet Earth!"

BUT, having said that, this is so much better than running out and buying her flowers and gifts only to find gifts from OM1-12! So good job on standing your ground. I think as you continue to wake up to life post-D you will realize that this is the best thing for you, and that you will be so much happier without her drama and always having to wonder what she is doing and who she is doing it with. I mean, seriously, will you ever fully trust her ever again? Most MR can barely withstand 1 or 2 As, your STBXW has been an A per minute!

Also good job on not just running around bandaiding your pain with wanton sex. Well done, most guys in that situation would have been all about getting some just for the sake of getting some, and not caring who got hurt. I think it is LH that said that no matter what women say, the vast majority of them are always wanting more (IE long-term commitment). I think of the movie Vanilla Sky where Tom Cruise thought he had nothing more than a sex buddy, and Cameron Diaz thought that the sex meant he was hers! So well done. The only thing worse than having trouble with one significant other is having trouble with two significant others!

I made a study group to help two buddies from work through nursing school. They are coming this week. Also I am taking my kids hiking with a bunch of nurses and friends at work this week. Am I’m okay? No. So I love my wife.. yes I do. But I know it’s over. And it [censored] but I’m gonna be okay.

LOVE IT!!!!

[LH19]

Steve,

I will start by saying I see a very slight improvement in you.

WW got me a pair of nikes made for nurses that I wanted. Told me she wants to go to Hawaii with me in a month and the kids. To take the time off work.

Are you considering going?

Became very sweet. I went over to her moms to get mine and my kids hair cut and she asked me to go hiking, to come over etc etc.

I really think you should get their haircuts elsewhere

I just sat there and looked at her in the most like are you serious look I could muster and said “honey I’m not a side husband. You can be single or you can be with me fixing this, it’s not both.” She just said “well I’m not even going out of doing anything just be patient let me see if this is what I want” I laughed and said well, it’s not like I barely know you and I’m asking for a commitment. We have kids and we are about to get divorced.
So what does a side husband look like to you? Because honestly you seem like one right now.
[quote=Steve_] It’s in or out, I honestly do love you but I certainly don’t need this.

Ok so she's out. Now what? What changes?

She bought me dinner i played cards with her mom and her and then I left.

See to me this sounds like a side husband who's W is out aka "friendzone"

I felt like.. nothing.

hmmmmmmmm?

Like i felt bad for her in a way that her games aren’t working on me.

hmmmmmmmm?

She said “don’t get drunk and come over here, or text me ultimatums, you know I don’t like that” I laughed in her face and just got in my truck.

She is mocking you here Steve. Total display of disrespect!

At this point both of us are a trainwreck.

I can not disagree with this statement right now.

But it was nice to have a really good looking woman be all over me and pretty much have the strength to friend zone her cause I’m not needing another drama bomb.

hmmmmmmm? Feels like their may be an ulterior motive here

A nurse I’m not into asked me to come over and just do the thing.

What thing?

Posted a pic and tons of my friends are telling me how great I’m looking.

hmmmmmmm? Feels like their may be an ulterior motive here

And my WW goes on a date with a dude. Tonight.

You could set your watch by it

I hear it because my friends seen her. And you know what I said? LOL... she almost had me.

almost?

I made a study group to help two buddies from work through nursing school. They are coming this week. Also I am taking my kids hiking with a bunch of nurses and friends at work this week.

This is good stuff!

Am I’m okay? No. So I love my wife.. yes I do. But I know it’s over. And it [censored] but I’m gonna be okay.

Steve you will NEVER be ok until you get off the roller coaster

[Steve_]

@ LH19

With the hawaii thing yeah, I dont think so lol.

I will get the kids haircuts by thier grandmother, but I will wait to do it until a day I know WW will not be there. I made an exception since it was the very first haircut for my D5.

Yeah she said she doesnt want to be with anyone. I got that, yet she thinks I will do family stuff with her, go on hikes, camping, vacation. Thats the side husband, yeah no. Im not doing that. Once she decided she wants to cake eat and openly disrespected me I just said no. I have not said a word sense tuesday. And I wont. I will not be an option to use to ease her little single mom pity party.

The other things had no ulterior motives. (I think i see what you think i was doing lol). The Pretty girl was just a co-worker friend. I was just trying to go out and do things. I didnt post my stuff on social media, im not stupid enough to engage in a jealousy war with a WW. The gym stuff I posted since i just hit the 60 pounds lost mark. Otherwise I dont put anything up except photos when I do something with the kids or sometimes at the gym thats it.

Im going to see if the church walking distance to my apartment is open to doing things on sundays, my kids need moral fortitiude in thier lives and I think taking them to church on sundays would be really good to help them grow in a new way. Anything to peel them off the ipads and maybe even give them some human interaction. Mom does nothing with them anymore.

[Thornton]

You’re getting stronger, Steve. I like the progress you are making, keep going.