Good, some of this can be worked through there. All in all in your doing well. The roller-coaster ride doesn't end over night, it stops, and restarts, but hopefully the downs get less of a plummet over time. But you've got this, you are well on your way, the details you sweat through the D process will end up to be minor things in hindsight.
M(53), W(54),D(19) M-23, T-25 Bomb Drop - Dec.23, 2017 Ring and Piecing since March 2018
I continue to eat well and workout hard. I am drinking a little more than I would like.
Hi Scott. You say you're eating well. How do you measure that? I can fit in a pint of beer on a heavy workout day, but three would be impossible. I average 3 pints a week. That works for me. If you're not logging alcohol, consider doing so. Noticing how it impacts your nutrition may help you curb it.
Drinking can be avoidance. I think you have a great plan in that you're in IC and planning to get comfortable spending more time at home by yourself. As you own and process your anger, life gets lighter.
Well, in today's IC session the advice I got was to give my expectations of the future a rest - continue to work to stay in the present and focus on controlling the things I can control. Also to give myself space - meaning that I shouldn't be too hard on myself in regards to what I should be able to accomplish right now. This is a season of life and its okay to just get by for now.
As for diet, I have worked with a dietician in the past and I am doing a good job of sticking to my diet plan - so that's how I measure that. EXCEPT for the drinking.
I have always drank a good bit. There was a time where it took it down to almost nothing but over the last year I'm back to 1-2 drinks a night. And on the weekends when I don't have the kids, its hard to say what's going down -BUT I would say I'm with other people. I'm not sitting around at home getting smashed.
As a former alcoholic, I am not a huge fan of drinking. At all. It is too hard to keep it from getting out of control. There is a simple fact that no one ever became an alcoholic if they never took that first drink. 1-2 drinks a night, in my opinion, is a lot. Maybe to you and others it isn't. Here is the question. Can you make the choice tonight to not have 1-2 drinks? If you feel you cannot go with it, if you have cravings when you try, and if you find it difficult to function without it (in other words if it keeps calling to you until you do give in and have a drink), then I would suggest potentially mentioning it in IC.
Scott, I can look at my own life. When I was drinking 30 years ago, I started having a nagging thought in my head that I had a problem. That is how I started to be aware of the problem, is I started to wonder if I did. The fact that you brought it up is a red-flag. You know if you are using alcohol to mask the pain or not. You know if you can make the choice to not drink it at all one night and whether you have cravings and can't stop thinking about it. But I will reiterate that it is worth exploring since YOU were the one that raised it.
I can honestly say that my life, career, and outlook are so much better off without alcohol in my life.
Last edited by SteveLW; 03/08/2109:05 PM.
M(53), W(54),D(19) M-23, T-25 Bomb Drop - Dec.23, 2017 Ring and Piecing since March 2018
Overrnbw: I did say hello, I just didn't ask about her new job or anything else, and she didn't really ask me about anything either. I'm just not going to be the one to start and maintain conversations. That's always been my role (to be the one that got the conversation going) and I'm not going to do it with her anymore. That means that its just quiet as she doesn't ask me about anything.
With all the sporting events coming up it is going to continue to be awkward. I'll probably try to find other parents I can sit with and talk to. I don't know, it will work itself out, and I'll try to make it easier on the kids.
Just wanted to let you know that I read this and it definitely makes sense then.
H 34 W 29 BD 3/12/18 Divorce Busted Spring 19
It is not things that bother us, but the stories we tell ourselves about things.
over the last year I'm back to 1-2 drinks a night. And on the weekends when I don't have the kids, its hard to say what's going down -BUT I would say I'm with other people. I'm not sitting around at home getting smashed.
I was extremely tempted to hit the bottle during my sitch, but made a deliberate choice to stay sober. I drank water at the bars when I would go out. One night, the free shots temptation got me and ended up drunk at the bar 20 miles from home with parenting responsibilities the next day.
Your X may use your drinking against you during custody negotiations.
"What is best for my kids is best for me" Amor Fati Link to quotes: https://www.divorcebusting.com/forums/ubbthreads.php?ubb=showflat&Number=2879712
I am not a huge fan of drinking. At all. It is too hard to keep it from getting out of control.
It can be hard for anyone to control drinking. Give me 1-2 beers, glasses of wine, shots, etc. and I am in total control. Give me four shots and suddenly I make miserable decisions. Fortunately, I only crave a beer after a race or other major physical victory. Other than that I'll take or leave it. From 1 I don't crave 2, from 2 I don't crave 4. I have had other people nudge me to drink more and occasionally they succeed. I shouldn't do that.
@Scott, if you drink nightly or almost so, maybe consider a month without to see what life is like? People do that all the time with things they *may* be addicted to, from alcohol to soda to coffee. Usually, they emerge with clarity and a better idea of how much of a role they want that substance to play in their life.
Originally Posted by Scott
As for diet, I have worked with a dietician in the past and I am doing a good job of sticking to my diet plan - so that's how I measure that. EXCEPT for the drinking.
My nutrition coach focuses on if I get the nutrients I need, without too many calories. An IPA runs 250 kcal/pint, DIPAs and Stouts more. If I ate 2000 calories of food plus four beers, it wouldn't be a good diet day "except" the beer, it'd be a bad diet day where I consumed 50% more than I wanted to. I wonder what parameters your dietician put on drinking, and what her thoughts were on your level of drinking.
It does not impact my day to day. I don't get buzzed or drunk. I perceive it as a non issue generally. Some of this is how I was brought up. My grandmother was a two to three scotch per night drinker and so was my grandfather. My dad typically has one to two scotches a night and then shares a bottle of wine with my mom. My brother is a heavy drinker. He hits the bourbon pretty hard and could slow down.
So in my little world a beer or two a night is not a big deal. My Ex used to have about 3/4ers a bottle of prosecco nearly each night - I thought that was a lot. Anyhow, I don't think I have an issue. I love to workout and the days after a night of drinking out mess up my workouts. Those are the kind of things I'm doing more. Going to the bar with friends once a week and drinking more than I feel like I should. But I'm fine with it, its not impacting my life at this time and I'm aware of it. -------------------------- I had to talk with my STBXW yesterday because my son is getting close to the edge of appropriateness with girls on his phone. The conversation with her went very well; we stayed focused on my son the entire time.
But I will say, those conversations set me back. Its hard to explain - I guess its like pulling the scab off of a healing wound. Its not nearly as intense as the initial cut but it does do damage. The last two nights I've had dreams about her - I don't recall what they were about it. I think I'm doing good moving forward but those interactions remind me where I am. Also, mediation got canceled for today, which was nice since I was dreading it. Next session in two weeks.
