I think there should be a DB IRL FB group and people could use their profile names for privacy and recognizability?
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The strength of this board is in the people who post here. But I feel like it's pretty antiquated in terms of functionality (over phones for example) and is quickly going to lose the next generation of posters if there aren't some updates to these features.
I feel like there needs to be a way for posters to reach out to each other. Either to private message or to share contact details to communicate offline. I think we are all now on Internet 3.0 and know how to protect our online presence, deal with 'trolls' and eliminate unwanted communication. And those that don't know how to filter or are not comfortable filtering don't have to respond to their private messages?
I also think that attempting to maintain the brand identity in such strict fashion (no mentioning other books, no sharing links, not even videos on YouTube etc) is actually going to do the opposite in a matter of time. As much as we don't want to, we have to look at social media for examples of how to keep lively online social groups active and growing. And in addition to the great advice we get from others, this space would feel more wholesome if we were free to share thoughts, ideas, and inspirations from outside sources (links).
I am grateful for this space, very grateful, but some updates are sorely needed if this site wants to maintain relevancy in the future and not get taken over by another group who is able to capture the audience in a more modern way.
Just my 2 cents as an "old-timer" on the FB group concept and connecting with others IRL.
Now keep in mind that some of have indeed found each other so I like to think that I have some basis for my opinions. While I could go into some details, I won't out of respect for others involved.
Generally speaking, people who come here are in a lot of pain and have a huge "need" in them. This can be overwhelming for anyone who they may happen to connect to who have lives outside of being a therapist / support group. Also people who are in pain tend to cling to each other - not always a good idea for two hurting people to bond over mutual hurts.
There's also an unwritten principle in many 12 step programs that is referred to as the "13th step". It's where someone - usually someone who has been in the program for a while, takes advantage of those who come in who are looking for answers. It's happened here I know, and it's happened elsewhere.
Also - like cavemen sitting around a warm fire, there are lurkers in the shadows. Quite a lot of them. If connections could easily be made between someone's stories here and the actual person there could be some quite serious implications for them. Not just legal but also safety-wise.
I've been fortunate in that (generally) connections I have made have been positive and were made long after I left the rawness of the Newcomer's area. But that is most certainly not the case in all circumstances. And yes - some connections that could be made could be a very positive thing for those involved. But - in my opinion - the risks are just to high.
So - even though I may be called a hypocrite for this, I do support the policy of enforced anonymity we have here.
For those who are looking for more substantive support than what can be provided in an anonymous web forum populated by amateurs, there are easily available professional resources available. The MWD organization for example that funds and supports this site has I know very well, provided a lot of quality support to those in need. And they are a business and we are playing in their yard so we need to abide by their rules. I'm sure if you went into a Dunkin Donuts and loudly asked for directions to the local Tim Horton's Doughnuts that they would not be pleased either.
Again - just my own personal opinion. I'm not associated with the MWD organization in any way and do not speak on their behalf.
On BD H52, W50 T27, M26 S21, D23 BD-9-Mar-16 D-15-Jan-18 Final-19-Apr-18 I am a storyteller. The story may do you no good. But a story is never for the listener. It is always for the one who tells
I can only speak for myself, but the anonymity of this forum was what made me feel safe to post my situation. And while the ideas being floated do not end anonymity for those that don't want it ended, I do think the anonymity of the forum is one of its foundational strengths.
I also agree with Andrew, this is the internet. And there are those lurking about that will gladly try to take advantage of others. I look at some of our posters that would be very susceptible to someone swooping in and acting like the hero in their life, and being open to the ulterior-motives of the "hero" is something someone going through a rough patch might take advantage of.
I was part of two other forums. One in 2005 in my first sitch. And people who didn't like what others posted actually were able to find out who they were a dox them. One poster I was close to had to eventually return with a completely different screen name due to being doxxed.
In another forum I was on before coming to this one, it was group on an IM app. I forget which one, but it turned out to be a meat-market. I had one woman that wanted to meet me and take care of my needs. When that made my uncomfortable and I left the group, she added me back to the group and said something like "OH no you don't, you don't get to get away that easy!" I left the group and deleted the app.
M(53), W(54),D(19) M-23, T-25 Bomb Drop - Dec.23, 2017 Ring and Piecing since March 2018
I should point out that the intermittent database errors that occur do not help either. Nothing turns people away more than thinking they've found an active forum only to click on a link and have an error come up. Newcomers that get an error on their first visit probably do not return.
M(53), W(54),D(19) M-23, T-25 Bomb Drop - Dec.23, 2017 Ring and Piecing since March 2018
Let me just say that there are many people that have connected on facebook and other means.
It is not permitted or suggested by the powers here on DB that this should happen.
I am not going to get into what I think about the rule - I am just letting everyone know that it is really not permitted here.
and yet openly flaunted on here by some and no one bats an eye... then others do it and they get warned or reprimanded. Rules are applied quite selectively.
Let me just say that there are many people that have connected on facebook and other means.
It is not permitted or suggested by the powers here on DB that this should happen.
I am not going to get into what I think about the rule - I am just letting everyone know that it is really not permitted here.
and yet openly flaunted on here by some and no one bats an eye... then others do it and they get warned or reprimanded. Rules are applied quite selectively.
Your right they are selective because you get paid the same amount as me and there are only 2 of us. We miss a lot.
