I will get the kids haircuts by thier grandmother, but I will wait to do it until a day I know WW will not be there. I made an exception since it was the very first haircut for my D5.
Yeah she said she doesnt want to be with anyone. I got that, yet she thinks I will do family stuff with her, go on hikes, camping, vacation. Thats the side husband, yeah no. Im not doing that. Once she decided she wants to cake eat and openly disrespected me I just said no. I have not said a word sense tuesday. And I wont. I will not be an option to use to ease her little single mom pity party.
The other things had no ulterior motives. (I think i see what you think i was doing lol). The Pretty girl was just a co-worker friend. I was just trying to go out and do things. I didnt post my stuff on social media, im not stupid enough to engage in a jealousy war with a WW. The gym stuff I posted since i just hit the 60 pounds lost mark. Otherwise I dont put anything up except photos when I do something with the kids or sometimes at the gym thats it.
Im going to see if the church walking distance to my apartment is open to doing things on sundays, my kids need moral fortitiude in thier lives and I think taking them to church on sundays would be really good to help them grow in a new way. Anything to peel them off the ipads and maybe even give them some human interaction. Mom does nothing with them anymore.
This right here is what it’s all about. Fantastic!!
Me: 40 EX:37 Together 17 years Married 16 years 5 kids, 20,18,15,14,11
I went over to her moms to get mine and my kids hair cut and she asked me to go hiking, to come over etc etc. I just sat there and looked at her in the most like are you serious look I could muster and said “honey I’m not a side husband.
The only thing I would change about this statement is to not make it from your MIL's place. Nothing wrong with grandma cutting the kids' hair, but there are plenty of options out there for haircuts and you should be taking that opportunity to interact with women and gain confidence and relationship skills.
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I brought her back to my place and I sat her down and just listened to her vent.
Lol, not sure if serious Steve. Honestly, if it got that far with me that women would have been in my bed. And the other one too. Hopefully the positive attention is giving you a boost, but don't let it be your everything.
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And my WW goes on a date with a dude. Tonight. I hear it because my friends seen her. And you know what I said? LOL... she almost had me. I knew she was full of it.
Tell your friends that y'all are separated and you don't need to hear about her anymore.
Anyways, you seem to be growing, good on you.
H 34 W 29 BD 3/12/18 Divorce Busted Spring 19
It is not things that bother us, but the stories we tell ourselves about things.
IDK, but this entire interaction you have with her seems a lot like game playing to me. You want so badly to say something that's going to be real impressive and get her to thinking in favor of the MR. If it's so painfully obvious to me, I cringe to think how it looks to her.
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I just sat there and looked at her in the most like are you serious look I could muster and said “honey I’m not a side husband. You can be single or you can be with me fixing this, it’s not both.” She just said “well I’m not even going out of doing anything just be patient let me see if this is what I want” I laughed and said well, it’s not like I barely know you and I’m asking for a commitment. We have kids and we are about to get divorced. It’s in or out, I honestly do love you but I certainly don’t need this. She looked really surprised. She said “just let it happen naturally” legit her mom and sister heard it and called her a dumbass in her language.
Tell me what part of having no relationship talk do you not understand? Seriously! FWIW, you didn't come off as cool, impressive, or anything but the same old Steve who would take her back in a flat half second. What part of this little talk did you tell her something you haven't already told her, or that she didn't already know? Next time, leave off where you give her the look.
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She bought me dinner i played cards with her mom and her and then I left. I felt like.. nothing. Like i felt bad for her in a way that her games aren’t working on me. I only shrugged when she reached for a hug. She then got mad. I asked her to take the kids early so I could go out with friends. She said “don’t get drunk and come over here, or text me ultimatums, you know I don’t like that” I laughed in her face and just got in my truck. She actually thought I would try it lmao.
It's all game playing!!! You love playing the games, especially when you think you are getting one up on her. You are way too obvious, Steve.
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Turns out one has been wanting me a long time, she is tall and beautiful, and her BF dumped her that night. She was all over me. I brought her back to my place and I sat her down and just listened to her vent. I had /have no intention of being with anyone.
And now, you are playing games with us.
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And my WW goes on a date with a dude. Tonight. I hear it because my friends seen her. And you know what I said? LOL... she almost had me. I knew she was full of it.
You mean she almost had you back at MIL's place when the two of you were into all the games? She's better at it, than you are, and she always will be.
It is not about what you feel should work in your M. It is about doing the work that gets the right results. Do what works!
It's been another week! I see you're beginning to accept it's over and out of your control.
I hope you've made some progress in stopping the interactions with your wife as called out by Sandi. I mean, my ex-wife and I get along, and had to make decisions about our D's next school years, and managed <6min of talking. A typical week we spend <2 minutes talking. My ex-GF still sees her ex-inlaws. The rule is, if the in-laws want to see her, her ex is never at any events they invite her to. No Contact can be simple.
I hope you've made some progress in understanding she's not a good partner and the guy who slept with her is not a good friend, that even if they want/wanted you back, the answer should be no. I don't mean in a "sour grape" way because you can't have her, or because you fantasize about being the one to reject her. I mean really understanding what causes you to keep betrayers in your life and not let go. Continuing to love them is fine. Forgiveness is fine. The question is why you stay attached and open to a relationship.
I hope you've also made progress on realizing what you do control--your kids. If your ex is misbehaving with them, e.g. not sending them to school, or participating in illegal activities, you can stop that.
Anyway, my biggest hope is you're finding solo happiness this weekend. Cheers!
I had a big setback, a big backslide: I am ready for the 2x4's I deserve them. but it turned out okay I suppose. WW indicated in some small way she was open to being more than friends and became warm and fuzzy, very touchy and so on when I stopped by Monday to get the title for my truck from FIL (I bought FIL's old truck from him). He isnt available the days I am so I didnt have much of a choice. Anyways she told me she missed me and that we should hang out. So I figured wth, I got nothing to lose, I did the old Cory Wayne thing and invited her over for dinner, a bottle of wine, and so on. That was supposed to be yesterday. She also attempted to buy me a $300 wallet for no reason which I declined. Anyways I dont say anything during the week, I wait for friday.
I make my place spotless, I get a very nice wine, (I dont even like wine tbh) and her favorite desert. Everything is ready. I call at noon to make sure she is still coming because I was going to pick up the crab and shrimp she loves after work, as per the plan for a week. Even the children knew that mom was going to go visit daddy on friday. (I knew there would be an excuse, a change of plans, a something in advance).
So I call at noon and ask if she is still coming. She said Yes! but I have to bring the kids, I said "thats not what I agreed on" she said "oh I also have to leave at 10, my friend has been begging me to go to the nightclub so I told her I can go at 10" lol. Just like Cory Wayne said (she changed the plans twice, this was to test my strength). So I just simply texted her later "I made this plan with you a week ago, the kids were not invited since it was a date, I didnt put time into a nice wine, dinner and desert to spend it with kids). She did respond for several hours... (couldnt im sure (no valid excuse since mom cant watch the kids to go to my place, but she can watch them to go to the club later that night? yeah.. sure) so I waited an hour and said "Hey you dont have to say anything, I understand, just forget it, have fun at the club"
that will be the very last time I make any attempt to spend time with her. Believe that. But at least I didnt let her change plans, accept it and blah blah. I said "no thanks, forget it" and went back to NC. Aint said a word since yesterday. And I wont. Yes big backslide I know I F'd up. Wont happen again.
T:11 M:10 K: D5, S7 BD: 9/1/20 WW continues to break up and recon with OM. I paid last fees and pushed the D 5/3/2021 Default Dissolution granted 8/5/21. Glad my D was not busted.
Hi Steve, I don't see any big backslide, this is the step of your journey you've been stuck on for a while. To help you step forward, when you have a chance, consider my three questions above. Our journeys play out at different speeds--some faster, some slower, some stuck indefinitely. I do remember the phase you're at poignantly, a 2-week period where I said, "Please, I'll do anything. I'll let you stay rent-free forever. I'll fix everything in the house. I'll never argue with you again, I'll..." That wasn't, of course, the stronger me who reconciled or the strongest me who moved on. I see you testing that next step. Not accepting "anything". The beginning of acceptance. The occasional mention of a therapy group. I'm rooting for you. Steve, Steve, he's our man.. It will take inner work to move forward from this and situations like-this.
Every time you say you won’t do it again and you do.
Your kids are witnessing this. They are going to end up for years in therapy with this dynamic.
This is on you now buddy. Nothing to do with her. What you allow is on you. This is the definition of insanity. Doing the same thing over and over again and expecting a different result. Same thing every time.
Yeah I get that LH. I sort of knew it would be her testing me to see what she can get away with. Changing plans, adding stuff, usual Steve would have been like oh okay your grace bring the kids come eat my dinner and then go to the club later, anything for your presence my lady..
Yeah no. I was like, hey man I tried, you can’t accept how I wanted to do things I’m good. Let’s not even do it. And I most certainly will not be doing it again. I know she is surprised I cancelled on her. That is unlike me big time. But I didn’t do it for some 180 factor I did it because I literally won’t accept anything less that what I ask for. And I don’t really care how that seems to her. So whatever. Her loss dude It was gonna be a really nice evening.
Anyways I’m off that topic again, gave it a shot, waste of time. Back to the kids, I’m gonna try to take them to this dinosaur event in town it’s a drive through Jurassic park thing. I’ll take them to jumping at the trampoline park after school Monday. Putting my time into the ones that actually appreciate it. Work is good, finances good, so far I’m doing alright.
T:11 M:10 K: D5, S7 BD: 9/1/20 WW continues to break up and recon with OM. I paid last fees and pushed the D 5/3/2021 Default Dissolution granted 8/5/21. Glad my D was not busted.
