Thank you all. I have been a passive participant in my life for too long. This is one of my issues I'd like to improve. It felt great to just decide I wanted something and go ahead with it.
She was not upset with this, and seemed agreeable pretty much right away. But at first she said that we are moving towards being two households and we should keep that in mind as we help the children transition, which seemed cryptically against it. I *wanted* to say that D is also not great for the kids so that concern feels hollow if you aren't willing to work on the M. What I *actually* said was I agree those are important considerations but I think they will be fine with this, and whether their transition starts now or a few months from now will be meaningless in the grand scheme of things.
So, good day.
Me: 43 W: 41 Together 2009, Married 2011 Sons 10 and 6, Daughter 5 Bomb 2/21/21. W moved out 10/2021
Thank you all. I have been a passive participant in my life for too long. This is one of my issues I'd like to improve. It felt great to just decide I wanted something and go ahead with it.
Great goal!
Originally Posted by mako
She was not upset with this, and seemed agreeable pretty much right away. But at first she said that we are moving towards being two households and we should keep that in mind as we help the children transition, which seemed cryptically against it.
Will she stay in the house full-time, or will she continue to alternate weeks?
Originally Posted by mako
I *wanted* to say that D is also not great for the kids so that concern feels hollow if you aren't willing to work on the M. What I *actually* said was I agree those are important considerations but I think they will be fine with this, and whether their transition starts now or a few months from now will be meaningless in the grand scheme of things.
Very true. If the best interest of the kids were her real priority she wouldn't be divorcing and breaking the family apart - she would commit herself to working out the issues in the marriage - in reality she's being selfish. However, you handled it as this board would advise. In my own sitch, I said something to the effect of "you're worried about the kids getting anxiety because I don't want them to have chocolate for breakfast (kids' nutrition was an issue in our parenting), yet you're going to divorce me and split our family apart?!?". While it didn't make any sense logically, it also didn't help one bit or change a thing for me to make the argument.
Me:39 Ex-W:37 M:7 T: 9 S:6 D:3 BD/IHS/Confirm EA/PA: Feb '20 OM1 affair ends: May '20 W/OM2 & moves out: June-July '20 W files for D: Jul20 OM2 confirmed: 9/2020 Divorced: May '21
Will she stay in the house full-time, or will she continue to alternate weeks?
She plans to stay. I told her if she was uncomfortable she was free to leave. The switchover has been Sunday so that's pretty much a lifetime away the way these things can shift. I moved the laundry over to the dryer tonight and found new lacy and silky panties. She's been wearing the least sexy things possible for about 4 years, so maybe she won't stick around.
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Very true. If the best interest of the kids were her real priority she wouldn't be divorcing and breaking the family apart - she would commit herself to working out the issues in the marriage - in reality she's being selfish. However, you handled it as this board would advise.
Yeah, I knew snark would have felt good for like a minute but wouldn't have been productive in any way.
Me: 43 W: 41 Together 2009, Married 2011 Sons 10 and 6, Daughter 5 Bomb 2/21/21. W moved out 10/2021
Ahh the new lacy panties. Page 7 of the WW handbook. Too bad there wasn’t a truth serum to administer where the WW could say “I’m leaving you because I want to sleep with other dudes”.
One of my least proud moments in my sitch was examining her underwear. I knew I was lost and in need of help when I was at that level of "investigating".
M(53), W(54),D(19) M-23, T-25 Bomb Drop - Dec.23, 2017 Ring and Piecing since March 2018
Yeah I am not interested in snooping, whether the cell phone or the closet. I know a few are in favor though the board is generally against. In my first M I accidentally found out about an OM and then just got kind of obsessed with snooping, it wasn't good for me.
Today's morning update, I made a IC appointment. I saw her for a few months, ending about a year ago when the pandemic hit. It seemed helpful both for me and the M, I kind of wish I hadn't stopped. Will be good for working on myself.
Me: 43 W: 41 Together 2009, Married 2011 Sons 10 and 6, Daughter 5 Bomb 2/21/21. W moved out 10/2021
W arranged for the kids to be at her parents’ for the weekend. I half expected her to just leave for the weekend but she didn’t. Yesterday I finished work early and did some painting around the house. Went and worked out. Then around 5 I was just going to go shopping. She asked me if I wanted to go to dinner. I was kinda unsure about it but I agreed.
We went, and had a good time. Both got some shopping done, had a nice dinner, nice talking. It was like normal. Except half way through dinner I just keep thinking, it’s not normal, this isn’t how it was, because we’re going to go home and go to bed in different rooms and still be in the sitch. I felt down the rest of the night.
This morning I got up and got some coffee, did some journaling, and decided I need to get out of there. Thought I’ll go on a hike at a state park nearby. So that’s where I am, I’ll start after I post. I saw W as I left, said “Good morning, going out, see you later.” And still feel down. Blah. Maybe I can walk it out.
So yeah, not detached yet. Need to work on that. Like we were talking about above: do I want to be her friend, or her husband? Not just her friend. So I think I should avoid situations like last night.
Me: 43 W: 41 Together 2009, Married 2011 Sons 10 and 6, Daughter 5 Bomb 2/21/21. W moved out 10/2021
I knew I was lost and in need of help when I was at that level of "investigating".