But seriously, here's what I'm thinking: How can one date when married? What does that say about your view of marriage? Is it an ultimate commitment or is it easy come easy go?
And how can you commit yourself at this point? You're a married guy who is holding out hope in his estranged wife. I don't judge that to be bad either, just a matter of fact.
If someone takes an issue with it, they probably don't see a purpose in discussing it with you. As you can tell, I have a great disdain for how our Western society utters the word "separated" and they may have just said "hocus pocus". Like magic, you're good to step outside of the bounds of the marriage that you voluntarily agreed to. I think this is very bad. Get a divorce (when you are ready), heal, and date again.
I think it takes two people to be married. And right now, it’s just me and the dogs here at home. So...
I think it takes two people to be married. And right now, it’s just me and the dogs here at home. So...
Yep, exactly. So at this point you don't have a marriage, you have an active marriage license.
So based on that let me ask you, are there any benefits that your WAS still receives by being legally married to you? Health insurance? Are you paying for anything for her? (Cell phone, car insurance tend to be the big 2.) If so that should tell you all you need to know as to why she isn't moving forward with a D.
Last edited by SteveLW; 03/24/2101:37 PM.
M(53), W(54),D(19) M-23, T-25 Bomb Drop - Dec.23, 2017 Ring and Piecing since March 2018
So based on that let me ask you, are there any benefits that your WAS still receives by being legally married to you? Health insurance? Are you paying for anything for her? (Cell phone, car insurance tend to be the big 2.) If so that should tell you all you need to know as to why she isn't moving forward with a D.
No, she has her own health insurance, and I'm not paying anything for her. I suspect the only reason she hasn't filed for divorce yet is because doing so will require us to split the dogs, which neither of us really wants to do. Not only would we be separating two dogs that are bonded to each other, but we'd both be losing all contact with one of the dogs, too. Of course, it will have to happen eventually, but I think it's something we're both struggling with, because the thought of never seeing one of the dogs again is heartbreaking.
So why can't the coparenting of both dogs continue post D?
You'd have her come to my house for the dogs twice a week, for the next 10 years (or however long the dogs live)?
Or you meet at a park to exchange them. Most people view dogs like their kids. If these were kids you wouldn't have one go live with you and the other with her. You would arrange a child care schedule and adhere to it. I see no difference here.
M(53), W(54),D(19) M-23, T-25 Bomb Drop - Dec.23, 2017 Ring and Piecing since March 2018
So why can't the coparenting of both dogs continue post D?
You'd have her come to my house for the dogs twice a week, for the next 10 years (or however long the dogs live)?
Isn't that what's happening now basically?
Yes, that’s exactly what’s happening now. And I thought maybe that would make it more difficult to completely move on. I’m sensing you guys think otherwise, which definitely gives me something to think about...
So why can't the coparenting of both dogs continue post D?
You'd have her come to my house for the dogs twice a week, for the next 10 years (or however long the dogs live)?
Isn't that what's happening now basically?
Yes, that’s exactly what’s happening now. And I thought maybe that would make it more difficult to completely move on. I’m sensing you guys think otherwise, which definitely gives me something to think about...
Whether it makes it more difficult or not is up to you. But we've had other posters that have done dog coparenting post D.
M(53), W(54),D(19) M-23, T-25 Bomb Drop - Dec.23, 2017 Ring and Piecing since March 2018
Whether it makes it more difficult or not is up to you. But we've had other posters that have done dog coparenting post D.
So if we co-parent the dogs, what does that look like in the context of DB'ing?
The way it works now, I try not to be present at the house when she stops by to either pick up or drop off the dogs. But I'm sure that's not sustainable indefinitely. What would I do if she stops by and I'm at the house? Do I talk to her? Ignore her? Be friendly? Be cold and distant? What if she tries to engage me in a conversation? What are the boundaries for DB'ing in a situation like this?
