They have cheated on you, dump them ýou are worth more.
Not all ex's here are cheaters. Many are walkways who stated the marriage was done or both parties agreed to open it or they moved out prior to dating. Even among cheaters, there are degrees--Steve's W limited it to EAs, and May's H had a single PA. This is different than secret OM after OW after OM.
The focus should almost always be on re-building yourself. Most of us have some degree of co-dependency coming out of a long relationship, some degree of self-esteem damage after being rejected by a long-term partner, and we can get caught in a "distancer-pursuer" dynamic chasing a situation we never loved.
Rebuilding ourselves makes reconciliation more likely, makes it more likely we set reasonable terms on it. Rebuilding ourselves enables a happy life without them. It's really "The Way".
It has been 5 or 6 years for you since BD if I understand correctly. Has your ex ever tried to recon since then ? If not, do you still think she might try one day (even if you’re not interested in recon) ?
Despite what AS, Steve or you have said multiple times about the fact that in the long run, WAW will eventually want to give a shot at recon, I still doubt it.
Personnally, since BD two years ago, I have done everything by the DB book, and I have not heard a peep from my ex for a year now. I am in full NC so I don’t know what she’s doing, but my guess is she must be happy in her new relationship with OM or whoever.
If I ever hear from her and she begs for recon, I will share my story
To add, glad you are in a satisfying relationship since 2018 DunnM, and hope it remains so. I've appreciated your support and hope you never have cause to create a thread. Peace and good tidings!
It has been 5 or 6 years for you since BD if I understand correctly. Has your ex ever tried to recon since then ? If not, do you still think she might try one day (even if you’re not interested in recon) ?
Despite what AS, Steve or you have said multiple times about the fact that in the long run, WAW will eventually want to give a shot at recon, I still doubt it.
Personnally, since BD two years ago, I have done everything by the DB book, and I have not heard a peep from my ex for a year now. I am in full NC so I don’t know what she’s doing, but my guess is she must be happy in her new relationship with OM or whoever.
If I ever hear from her and she begs for recon, I will share my story
I have to caveat this because people always get it wrong.
What I have said is EVENTUALLY WASs will want to R. Lots of factors come into play. One or both Ss may die before that occurs. They may remarry and not want to get another D even if they are unhappy in the new marriage. But yes, if both the LBS and WAS live long enough, most WASs will eventually regret their decision and want to R at some point down the line. People have a way of romanticizing things and forgetting the bad over time.
Last edited by SteveLW; 03/23/2102:34 PM.
M(53), W(54),D(19) M-23, T-25 Bomb Drop - Dec.23, 2017 Ring and Piecing since March 2018
Hi LH, It has been 5 or 6 years for you since BD if I understand correctly. Has your ex ever tried to recon since then ? If not, do you still think she might try one day (even if you’re not interested in recon) ?
Despite what AS, Steve or you have said multiple times about the fact that in the long run, WAW will eventually want to give a shot at recon, I still doubt it.
So since BD we did recon once but it was definitely a false recon. I have been divorced and living apart for about 2.5 years. Since the D she has not tried to recon with me. If she did my answer would be no. She hasn't changed still very selfish and miserable yet she won't seek out help to find out why. I know things didn't turn out like she anticipated but I am not sure she is strong enough to ever admit it.
J I have always said 2-5 years. Rarely ever is it before two and if it is it doesn't last. I always tell the story on here that my friends parents reconned after 35 years apart.
