Steve, I get in your mind your ex is an amazing temptress no man can resist. My last ex was a world-class athlete. As you go through IC, you'll hopefully begin to see her more like other men do.
“It’s always healthy to take several months off from dating after a breakup, and oftentimes even a year or more, if the previous relationship was a decade or longer. Why? You must take time to heal and learn to be happy again being alone by yourself. If you don’t enjoy your own company and aren’t having a blast living your life being single, it’s going to be really hard to get a woman to be excited about your life when you’re not even excited about it. Enthusiasm and happiness is contagious and attractive. The best way to meet new women is a side effect of having a great social life full of friends, events and activities that you love doing for fun. People who like the same things tend to like each other. Like attracts like. Make a great life for yourself, and high quality women will seek you out.” ~ Coach Corey Wayne
lol LH the stuff I said about men projecting their own attraction onto the woman, and so forth is straight from 3% man, its what guys do who don't know jack about ladies. Anyways Thats beside the point. And Im not gonna sit here and try to fortune teller the future. Just gonna worry about myself. I saw a pattern with her, and most people stay in patterns so I simply predicted what I think will happen.
T:11 M:10 K: D5, S7 BD: 9/1/20 WW continues to break up and recon with OM. I paid last fees and pushed the D 5/3/2021 Default Dissolution granted 8/5/21. Glad my D was not busted.
What’s “3% Man” about? Hopefully, it’s about healing trauma, co-dependency, and self-esteem.. being less focused on looks and more focused on values.. so you can enjoy a happier life? The title is a turnoff—more than 3% of men have reasonable self esteem and are in happy, healthy relationships, but there’s that Corey guy who has some good quotes and I try not to judge books by their cover or title!
Its about 97% of men dont understand women. Because the do things like project their own attraction onto them and become far more interested in the woman than she is in them. Many of the things he points out are subtle call-outs on NGS. What I said about her finding other men is essentially this: Most men, will fall for/get with a beautiful woman who makes them feel proud that she is so attractive and so on. This will last awhile, if things all go well at first. Most single men tend to have zero issue dating a pretty girl......
Its not until later that the personality shows through... In other readings it seems that someone is usually able to hide the real them for approximately 90 days or so. Funny thats exactly how long she and OM lasted, not much more than 90 days. Then he became depressed and realized that she was insane, childish and not ready for a committed relationship. But his NGS made him stay, eventually my WW left him because "the kids made it too hard." So i am just of the opinion that she will go around and date for awhile and once I have finally detatched, and her parents move out she will be all alone with the kids and most likely then want me back. But I will be knowing thats coming already and not fall for it. It wouldnt be about serious change or remorse or anything, it will be about having to deal with kids alone or with someone else who wont deal with it all. Thats it.
T:11 M:10 K: D5, S7 BD: 9/1/20 WW continues to break up and recon with OM. I paid last fees and pushed the D 5/3/2021 Default Dissolution granted 8/5/21. Glad my D was not busted.
1) Immediately stop distracting yourself from you, and the healing and work you need to do with ridiculous dating books and dating apps. CW can attest to this I have dozens upon dozens of books to recommend if you're looking for some self improvement reading that deal with what you really need to be addressing here. But I'm sorry you need to get in IC, and you need to take a very serious inventory of where you are right now mentally and emotionally and take action on that, not drowning out the pain and fear with distractions. You're supposed to grow through this disaster not wander your way into your own MLC.
2) Not to kick a man when he's down but you're fooling your self if you think there's a single self help book out there written by a middle aged straight man that's going to help you with with dating women. Any women. Even middle aged straight women. When you're in a place to actually date you shouldn't even need a book on that, but if you do I have recommendations for that too.
3) Another Stander or R2C one of the older vets has a whole list of books on here some where in the newbie threads that are recommended reading. That's another list of books you should seriously consider before that dating bunk. Maybe I can find it and link it here. There's a lot of good stuff on there, I know there's few about the distancer pursuer dynamic and a bunch of other stuff on relationships and self improvement. If anybody else had a better recall on it or can link it faster by all means, I'd take the help
Quick question, have you read the book Steve is talking about and that you describe as ridiculous?
I have read the book, and whilst I don't agree with everything the guy says, a lot of what he says is synonymous with DBing. Live a great life, have a purpose, focus on yourself, want (not need) a relationship.
If im gonna be honest I am sort of over focusing on the books, Ive read them all many many times and i am sure that they will definately help in my next relationship. But this one is broken, and mostly it is not because of me, yes there were some things I did to not help it but end of the day I was a pretty good husband, and a good dad, even my WW admits it is not me, that Ive done nothing wrong, that its simply her, and also admitted how cliche that is. Of course im not pefect and losing someone from your life does have the tendancy to make you examine every mistake you ever made under a microscope for awhile and blame yourself even. But ultimately this course was set a long time ago and without knowing how it would end I was not aware of how to stop it. But what is done is done, so that is that. I dont need to focus on books, or some kind of intense crazy therapy 6 times a week. All I need to do i simply take a deep breath and find something else to fill my time with besides obsessing over my lost M. Eventually that will become the new normal that its gone.
I dont go to counseling or services for PTSD, and ive seen/done some things in the war that people would call horrific. When I go to counseling I have to re-live it over and over. I found that simply blocking it out helped, yes it didnt work right away and I had to get used to it being part of me now, but eventually the anxiety and pain and confusion from what happened and the guilt, anger etc started to subside in time. Yes it changed me but its history not present. Going to counseling and explaining it over and over and what I think about it was not effective for me, it just kept pulling the scab off the wound. I am certain my M will be the same, it will take time and once I can learn to accept that this is part of me now and just to let it wash over me and accept it, I will get better. And I am much better than I was not even a month and a half ago. Hopefully in another month it will be something that I dont think of as much as it slowly fades away.
T:11 M:10 K: D5, S7 BD: 9/1/20 WW continues to break up and recon with OM. I paid last fees and pushed the D 5/3/2021 Default Dissolution granted 8/5/21. Glad my D was not busted.
Oh and last nite WW came to pick up the kids from me and I put them in the back seat, no hug or anything else just waved bye and went inside my apartment. Felt a bit weird not to at least hug, we always did, but now that I called her on the games she plays and pretty much didnt want to continue them, now there is no reason to fake anything. I guess its easier to have less contact but also hard. I wish I can just wake up and be over it. One day I will.
T:11 M:10 K: D5, S7 BD: 9/1/20 WW continues to break up and recon with OM. I paid last fees and pushed the D 5/3/2021 Default Dissolution granted 8/5/21. Glad my D was not busted.
Its not until later that the personality shows through... In other readings it seems that someone is usually able to hide the real them for approximately 90 days or so. Funny thats exactly how long she and OM lasted
That doesn’t seem to the case with your ex. You said he was your mate, so he knew within a few dates, or could’ve known if he cared to, that she was still your wife and cheating on you—indicating she doesn’t value honesty, fidelity, loyalty, or commitment. I had a couple 1-month girlfriends that were friends of ex’s of mine. One reached out to the ex before the first date, the other reached out to the ex between the second and third dates. One of his mistake was not caring or dating her anyway, like you and that night with the wine.
Originally Posted by Steve
I dont need to focus on books, or some kind of intense crazy therapy 6 times a week.
It’s no surprise the people who seem to repeat mistakes the most are also the most resistant to therapy—which is normally one session per week. Your monkeys, your circus.
