1) In August 2019, I got the BD. I discover WW is having an EA. I beg/cry/plead with her to stop the EA and come back to our marriage, but she adamantly refuses, and she moves out of our home.
2) After 2-3 months of doing everything I'm not supposed to, I start pulling back, and I employ the last resort technique.
3) After another 2-3 months of that, I see she's still talking to the OM, so I decide to step it up and go dark (the "after the last resort" technique).
4) After going dark for 2 months, I contact her asking if she'd like to go to dinner with me. She accepts, we have an amazing time at dinner, we go back to my place, and we end up talking for 4 hours and we ultimately have sex. She tells me she's no longer talking to OM, that she misses me, and that she's very sorry for everything.
5) A couple of days later, I reach out to her to ask if she'd like to have dinner again. She declines, apologizes for sending me mixed signals, and says that she had a lapse in judgment. I foolishly try to reason with her about why having another dinner would be a good idea, and I impulsively call and text her (exactly the opposite of what I'm supposed to do). She, of course, maintains her cold and distant stance, and refuses to see me again.
6) Since then, we have had very little contact, mostly about the dogs we share. Every now and then, she asks me if I'd like to go to dinner as friends, and I decline. Recently, she brought me some cupcakes for no reason (left them at my house while I was out). I did not respond or engage with her about the cupcakes.
7) I've realized now that the person I fell in love with is gone, and I've decided to move on from this.
Last edited by job; 03/26/2108:17 PM. Reason: added link to previous thread
FTR, I disagree with this. It is your sitch DBX and you can do what you want, but WAWs are like cats. They run the other way when you reach out to them. But sometimes if you sit still and let her come to you, she will want to come and jump in your lap. The one last ditch effort to have a heart-to-heart rarely if ever works. And then the LBH feels devastated and like they just gave up their integrity.
Also, filing for D doesn't mean that you can't have this heart-to-heart later. Some WWs have been jolted by the actual serving of divorce papers. Not all or a majority, but some.
I'm inclined to agree with your SteveLW. I don't think asking her if she wants to work on the marriage at this point would be helpful. If she really wants to work on it, she needs to come to me.
FTR, I disagree with this. It is your sitch DBX and you can do what you want, but WAWs are like cats. They run the other way when you reach out to them. But sometimes if you sit still and let her come to you, she will want to come and jump in your lap. The one last ditch effort to have a heart-to-heart rarely if ever works. And then the LBH feels devastated and like they just gave up their integrity.
Also, filing for D doesn't mean that you can't have this heart-to-heart later. Some WWs have been jolted by the actual serving of divorce papers. Not all or a majority, but some.
I'm inclined to agree with your SteveLW. I don't think asking her if she wants to work on the marriage at this point would be helpful. If she really wants to work on it, she needs to come to me.
Well it would be helpful to get you out of limbo land.
W we’ve been separated for over a year now. This situation isn’t working for me anymore. We can either work on the marriage or get divorced.
But you have to be willing to walk away and d her if she says she doesn’t want to work on the marriage.
I just don't feel this would be a good idea. She really hasn't given me any indication that she would even be willing to entertain the idea of getting back together. The sense I get is that she has made her decision, and she's good with it.
Maybe best is whichever you need to feel you've given it your best and can move on with your head held high. I agree either action has only a SMALL chance of jolting her, although both have better chances than limbo, and both get you on-track to moving forward with your life either solo or with a better partner.
FTR, I disagree with this. It is your sitch DBX and you can do what you want, but WAWs are like cats. They run the other way when you reach out to them. But sometimes if you sit still and let her come to you, she will want to come and jump in your lap. The one last ditch effort to have a heart-to-heart rarely if ever works. And then the LBH feels devastated and like they just gave up their integrity.
Also, filing for D doesn't mean that you can't have this heart-to-heart later. Some WWs have been jolted by the actual serving of divorce papers. Not all or a majority, but some.
I'm inclined to agree with your SteveLW. I don't think asking her if she wants to work on the marriage at this point would be helpful. If she really wants to work on it, she needs to come to me.
Here are your choices in my opinion. 1. Have a talk with her and let her know unless things change you are going to file for D, if you are sure you are willing to follow up and actually file if nothing changes 2. Blindside her by filing for a D without having a talk with her first about your intentions 3. Do nothing and continue to stay in limbo hoping that she will come back to you someday.
[quote=DBX80][quote=SteveLW] WAWs are like cats. They run the other way when you reach out to them. But sometimes if you sit still and let her come to you, she will want to come and jump in your lap.
It depends on the context and specific sitch. The way I look at it, if the cat prefers staying in the neighbors yard and has not even entered your house in over a year, sitting still on the couch waiting for it to come jump on your lap may not do much good How long you choose to continue to sit still is a personal choice, as you said.
[quote=DBX80][quote=SteveLW] WAWs are like cats. They run the other way when you reach out to them. But sometimes if you sit still and let her come to you, she will want to come and jump in your lap.
It depends on the context and specific sitch. The way I look at it, if the cat prefers staying in the neighbors yard and has not even entered your house in over a year, sitting still on the couch waiting for it to come jump on your lap may not do much good How long you choose to continue to sit still is a personal choice, as you said.
When you create your next thread, please link your previous thread to it. I will do it for you this time. If you do not know how to link the threads together, I will be happy to provide instructions. Thanks!
Last edited by job; 03/26/2108:18 PM.
Sit quietly, the answers will reveal themselves when you least expect them to. The past is gone, the present is a gift and you need to focus on today, allow the future to reveal itself when it is ready.
How long you choose to continue to sit still is a personal choice, as you said.