Steve_ Facing reality Part 1.

[LH19]

Ending this thread. When the time comes I will start a new one and link this.

You don't have to end this thread just keep posting on it.

Thanks for being so tough about the BS I was pulling/posting.

After you have been here a long time must posters are easy to read. Actually you are one of the easiest.

This has been one of my best weeks since I came here.

How about telling us why.

I’ve done really well. Actually started DBing.

What does that mean? What does DBing mean to you?

And it has nothing to do with WW.

Hmmmmmm. My spidey senses are heighten. What does if have to do with?

I got another week to go with only smart contact. So far I have stuck to it 100%.

What is this so called smart contact? How often does it happen?

No SM posts, no manipulation or anything else. Just putting my head down and dealing.

Great!

I still think you should post more often. When you go on long hiatus's you tend to backslide.

[wayfarer]

LH,

What is this so called smart contact? How often does it happen?

It's SMART contact. It's an acronym from another "marriage saving" site. It's essentially the PMA and only business and kids convo thing we ask for here.

Steve's on his own answering the rest of that...lol

[Steve_]

Well I guess I not wait the extra days and just cover the past week.

I’ve been doing no contact unless necessary. It was going well, everything fine, just kind of feeling okay with life alone for about 4-5 days. Honestly I reached a point where I am just tired of all the feelings, caring for someone who doesn’t give a rats ass about me. I couldn’t understand how I haven’t seen this for the past 6 months. How I was so blind to how horrible what she did was, how I tried to love her anyways. Now I’m seeing things more like.. I gotta survive this.. the M is over, she’s not coming back, she would have came back already if she was going to. I am the kinda guy only a fool would walk away from. Great dad, good career, good person, all that and still she is “bored” so I’ve done all I can.

I went a week with that mindset, it helped, went out with some friends from work. Had a good time. Didnt even think about WW. Then Easter came.

Since there is no OM WW invited me to family Easter. I went, made some food. Took some tips off of sandi’s rules. Dressed very well, kept quiet, spoke softly and seemed happy. WW commented that I looked amazing, that she was happy to see me etc etc when i left with the kids. I just said thank you and smiled. Got in my truck and left. So far so good. Then in the truck hit me hard. Water just started coming out of my eyes. And I was pissed. I stayed strong all day, stayed upbeat. I guess the fact of getting back into my truck with my kids and leaving hurt.

WW. Had suggested we hang out and spend time together learning how to interact again. Like a fool I thought this would be a good idea. So I asked if she was free. Essentially over the past couple months OM has been gone I’ve attempted to take her out and so on but she always has an excuse. But of course she will reach out for things or put little heart emojis on my stuff. Posted a picture of the 4 of us on social media for Easter. Then right back to I don’t exist. What a fool I was. I did ask her last night if she was doing anything because the kids wanted to come over and get the Easter stuff they left behind. And see mom. Spent time /etc... she just said “I’m having dinner with a friend” yep..

I probably shouldn’t have responded this way but recently she has been acting as if we are okay and things are good then runs away with another excuse. It’s not like I was asking for her to remarry me lol.

I responded “oh okay, I wanted to come by and visit for a bit, kids wanted to come get things too. But it’s okay, every time you are sick, tired, or busy so it’s cool, enjoy your dinner”

Haven’t said anything since then. And I won’t. I did okay until I saw her and she played me, and I let it happen and once again like an idiot I thought something was there that wasn’t. It’s all in my head, she’s over me, has been. I finally get that. I wish I wouldn’t have texted her after Easter. Fortunately there aren’t many holidays coming up any time soon for us so no reason to interact. I actually am not even mad at her, it’s my fault for being the dumbass that keeps staying in denial. Honestly I shouldn’t even be trying to save the M. I back away a week or so and she acts nice and then I ask to hang out and she runs. Yep, it’s over. That’s that. Y’all been saying this. Seems like I had to learn the hard way once again.

Idk why she does this. Messages the kids about the awesome breakfast I made them this morning telling them to tell me it looks yummy when the sent her pictures. Like leave me alone ... stop acting like you care already. You don’t, no need to fake it. She don’t even ask bout the kids anymore. This week first week they go back to physical school. Bet she don’t take em. We will see. As for me I’m dropping them to her mom tonight, hitting the gym and not saying a word again. Not for a week this time but indefinitely.


I’m 2x4 ing myself for this plenty. But go for it. I don’t think this whole time I’ve felt my heart actually break but for some reason Easter Sunday driving off and her blowing off just visiting with the kids. Yep that did it for me.

[LH19]

Steve,

You’re stuck and I can’t see you getting unstuck. She wants to be friends with you. You have to decide if that’s acceptable to you. Maybe you should think about it because you are so attached to her.

[Steve_]

Not being friends. I’m not interested in a friendship with my wife who walked out on me.

I’ll update again In a few days. Nothing else to say for now.

[LH19]

So when she’s inviting you over it’s as friends so you need to turn down these invitations.

[Steve_]

Yep. Thought I could use those to sort of rebuild some kind of connection but all she does is get more distant and it bothers me. So I won’t be agreeing to friend stuff anymore. I cannot be “just friends” with the woman I loved for 11 years and the mother of my kids. Just because she decided to change it doesn’t mean I can accept it. I won’t. Hurts too much to keep doing that.

[Ginger1]

I don’t know what the he!! LH is talking about.

This woman does not want to be your friend.

She derives a sick and twisted pleasure having the 100% control she has over you.

I’ve never seen such a twisted dynamic and someone who keeps touching an actual open flame, getting a 1st degree burn, and then Going back to touch it again. And the flame is getting extreme joy out of burning you

[LH19]

Steve,

You can’t build a connection with her. She doesn’t respect you.

[Thornton]

Hey Steve,

You are stuck in a pattern. Until you truly accept that your WW is a narcissist and will never ever change, be prepared to live this scenario out over and over again for years to come. I have a friend in the same exact situation and it’s been 6 years for her since he cheated on her and divorced her. Her ex has had 10’s of relationships and keeps her hooked. She’s miserable and can’t let him go.

She knows exactly how to play you and her goal is to keep you as plan B until she feels comfortable with a new guy. The she will drop you like a hot potato because the new guy won’t want her interacting with you.

In addition, she never loved you Steve (and never will). You are fuel you her and she isn’t capable of love. You can’t fix something that never was.

Honestly I would suggest getting custody of your kids and moving to another state. If that’s not possible, I would suggest in-patient psychiatric hospitalization for you until you can detox from her.