Midlife wife crisis 16

[Wolfman]

Thanks Steve. I am trying to keep my cool with her for the sake of the kids. It's sad, because i recognize the damage she is doing to my children. She is even cutting out some of my kids friends. For example, A mom text me 2 weeks ago that my ex found out that she came to my home so that her son and my son could play, they are in the same class. So, this mom text me that my ex blocked her on FB and will not return any text messages or calls, all because she came to my house. Another dad just text me a couple of days ago that he reached out to my ex to see if my son wanted to go there for the super bowl. He was having a few of his son's friends coming over and would like my son to be there. She didn't even respond. This is the type of person I am dealing with.

Here is a ridiculous story for everyone. Me, my ex and the psychologist were talking about how to encourage a relationship between my D and I. Of course all my ex says how she promotes it (I want to barf) but she isn't. She then goes on to say the psychologist that when she comes to my home I don't have the lights on or sometimes I shut them off when she arrives to pick up my son and that it causes her anxiety and she doesn't feel comfortable. Side note when I bought my home there were no blinds on the windows and you can see right into my home from the street, I didn't want her to see into my home. So yes i would shut them off when she arrived and then let my son go. The psychologist asked me if i would leave the lights on when she got there I said sure. (Right after this I went out and purchased blinds) Then he calls my D in. To make a long story short at the end my D says, when we pull up to dads house he turns the lights off and that it gives her anxiety. I just replied wow that is interesting. First, how can turning off the lights in the home when they are parked in the street and i let my S out to go with his mom cause anxiety and she doesn't feel comfortable. Literally word for word what her mom had said, keep in mind when my ex said this my D was in the waiting room. What are the chances my D said exactly the same thing as her mom. That shutting off the lights causes anxiety and makes her uncomfortable. This is the garbage I am dealing with. My ex became and absolute nightmare and is only hurting my children. Like I said i have plenty of stories like this. Little by little my poor children are just being mentally destroyed. This is one of the many reasons i am taking my ex to court for custody.

[sandi2]

It's unbelievable how some people are so vindictive toward their ex, that they are willing to mess up any chance for their children to grow into healthy, normal adults. We just don't know how much this type of abuse happens around the world. I don't know how you stand it.

((hugs))

[Traveler]

To make a long story short at the end my D says, when we pull up to dads house he turns the lights off and that it gives her anxiety. I just replied wow that is interesting. First, how can turning off the lights in the home when they are parked in the street and i let my S out to go with his mom cause anxiety and she doesn't feel comfortable. Literally word for word what her mom had said, keep in mind when my ex said this my D was in the waiting room. What are the chances my D said exactly the same thing as her mom. That shutting off the lights causes anxiety and makes her uncomfortable. This is the garbage I am dealing with.

I wonder if your ex-wife is actively coaching your D, or perhaps she gets uncomfortable when you turn all the lights off and her comments/reactions rub off on your D. Either way, not fun. It sounds like you're making a change! How did you respond to your D--defensively (asking if it were real), inquisitively (asking why it made her anxious), and/or re-assuringly (letting her know you'd change it for her)? How did she respond? I hope as messed up as this was, your interactions led to more closeness rather than more separation. Being apart from your D must be incredibly hard, and I love that you're working so hard to fix it. Stay strong!

[Ready2Change]

Good luck.

[Wolfman]

Hello everyone. It’s been a while. Just wanted to say hi and a little update. Things have been great between GF and I, as you all know we went through a rough patch, but we are through that and really understand each other so much more and just enjoying each other. My son is pretty good and my GF and son have been really getting along. Still in therapy with my d. Wednesday was the first time she had nothing bad to say about me to the therapist, she actually said everything is fine. I know I still have a ways to go but I was so happy to hear that. I just love my kids so much!!! Thank you all for helping me get through some really hard times. I hope that I can try and help others not to make the mistakes I have made. 2 weeks I go to court to fight for custody of my children. The poisoning my ex has done is bad, hoping to undo it. Anyway happy Friday to everyone. I also guess I will switch out of newcomers and go over to life after the big D.whoops surviving the big D.

[Traveler]

Hi Wolfman,

I look forward to you joining us over there! The one quirk is the "Edit" button doesn't work, so type carefully!! Glad to hear things have stabilized with your girlfriend, your D says "it's fine"--hell, my teenager would complain about her chores or that we don't have more desserts--and your court date's coming. Good update.

[sandi2]

2 weeks I go to court to fight for custody of my children. The poisoning my ex has done is bad, hoping to undo it.

Good luck, Wolfman. Let us hear how it goes.

[Wolfman]

Good morning everyone. I had court yesterday and what a disaster. I have been preparing or this for about a year and spent thousands of dollars. My ex’s lawyer pulled a real good one. 2 weeks ago she filed a petition for sole custody. In there her reasons were are you ready for the ridiculous lies, my daughter as suicide ideation (yet neither on of the therapists has ever told me that and I ask them all the time how she is doing), that I am mentally and emotionally abusive to my children( I just took my kids to the city and my son upstate) that a physically abused her in front of the kids (never happened), and I saved the last for best, that I encourage my GF to belittle and put my children down. Are you f kidding me!!!??? My lawyer got wind of this petition 10 minutes before we were going into court. He went to the court clerks office and she did file it but the court did not process it in a timely fashion. So, my lawyer did not get a copy of this sooner. My lawyer said we need time to sort all this bs out. He said he was going to ask to delay it so we can prepare. Well, when we went into court her lawyer pushed for us to proceed and it’s not her fault the court did not process this faster. My lawyer did not feel comfortable putting me on the stand now. So, her lawyer said she will drop the petition if we drop ours. My ex has 42 contempt’s of court (42 days I was supposed to have my daughter and didn’t) plus me going for custody because I have screen shots of how my ex bashed me to my daughter. My lawyer dropped ours too, so she walked out of there Scott free and on top of it, her lawyer and my child’s lawyer said my daughter needs a break from me so they all agreed 2 weeks would be good for my daughter. So for the next 2 weeks I am not to see or contact my daughter. I am beyond angry, sad, depressed. 1. That my ex violated our divorce decree and got away Scott free.
2. I can’t see my daughter for 2 weeks.
I have a question for all of you. I have spoke to a bunch of friends about my daughter. She is 13 do I just completely back off after the 2 weeks and wait for her to “wake” up and come to me or do I continue to force the issue?
I am complete shock that this all happened this way. My lawyer also said we could recipe the petition and go after her again, her lawyer will do the same. Do I let this go or do I refile and maybe get a new lawyer? Thanks

[LH19]

Hey wolf I’m really sorry this is happening to your children. Your situation is why it is embedded in peoples heads that divorce is so bad for children. The reality is when two people can minimize their differences and put the children first divorce is not that bad and sometimes even better for the children.

Use DB principles with your daughter. Give her space and listen and validate her feelings. That’s all you can do right now.

I’m sorry.

[Wolfman]

Hey wolf I’m really sorry this is happening to your children. Your situation is why it is embedded in peoples heads that divorce is so bad for children. The reality is when two people can minimize their differences and put the children first divorce is not that bad and sometimes even better for the children.

Use DB principles with your daughter. Give her space and listen and validate her feelings. That’s all you can do right now.

I’m sorry.

Yeah it’s really hard. I will have no choice but to give her space at this point. It just hurts so much. Going through another loss in my life.