Steve - as always, thanks for your thoughts. I agree that I need to take my time. I'm not needy; I don't need a woman in my life. I do like women though. Being with one does keep me from being with many, which is actually kind of healthy for me.
And I won't nice her back, because I don't want her back.
On the moral compass - I know you went through some of this - see it to the other side and examine how it impacts your worldview. Let me tell you, it will shake it and you will re-assess everything.
This is a great question: Are you interacting with women because you are over your STBXW? Or are you trying to get over your STBXW by interacting with women?
Steve - Women have always been a weakness of mine. Now that I'm not tied to one, I am enjoying interacting with many. Is it a coping strategy> I'm not sure. But I enjoy it. Tonight I have a date with a beautiful woman. Tomorrow night I have a date with another. I've got lots of the kids sporting events almost every night, so I get to see them right now all the time.
I need to carve out time for my friends - but they're all married and busy. I don't know. I'm busy, having fun, not depressed, learning a lot about myself, working out, eating healthy and not drinking as much (though I never thought it was a lot anyhow).
I just need to get the divorce behind me. The only thing that flusters me is getting emails about it. I want it over with so I know what I have to work with and I can move on.
LH - I'm trying to slow it down with this woman I like a lot; I figure if I can go out with some other women then I might get clarity on whether or not she's the real deal. I know that I'm just coming out of a marriage and I can't jump into something else without getting clarity. But, she's a sweet girl and I don't want to blow her off because of the timing. Tough decisions.
And I won't nice her back, because I don't want her back.
"I have so much to say to you that will never be said. I still have feelings for you, and those are mine to work through. I do hope you find your happiness."
Why'd I send it and what did I expect back? I got nothing back, which was expected. I guess I sent it so that she would know she still has a chance. Its closing, but there is still a small window. It was a combination of a warning that the window is closing, while also letting her know there is an open door.
Scotty B you just posted the above two weeks ago. You are all over the board. You are making decisions based on emotion and kind of acting like a woman.
Originally Posted by ScottB
Steve - Women have always been a weakness of mine.
What do you mean? Have you stepped outside your marriage?
Originally Posted by ScottB
Now that I'm not tied to one, I am enjoying interacting with many. Is it a coping strategy> I'm not sure. But I enjoy it. Tonight I have a date with a beautiful woman. Tomorrow night I have a date with another.
That's ok as long as you are honest with your intentions.
Originally Posted by ScottB
I'm busy, having fun, not depressed, learning a lot about myself, working out, eating healthy and not drinking as much (though I never thought it was a lot anyhow).
Great!
Originally Posted by ScottB
LH - I'm trying to slow it down with this woman I like a lot; I figure if I can go out with some other women then I might get clarity on whether or not she's the real deal. I know that I'm just coming out of a marriage and I can't jump into something else without getting clarity. But, she's a sweet girl and I don't want to blow her off because of the timing. Tough decisions.
LOL! You have been on 3 dates you barely know this woman. She could have a penis for all you know.
Men who have choices and options with women are in no hurry or rush to lock a woman down to a commitment. They take their time and carefully evaluate how their dates went and then contemplate on whether or not the women are a good fit, good for them, good to them and if the women are likeable enough to continue investing time, money and effort getting to know them. Men who have little to no choice with women are in a rush, impatient and driven by fear to lock women down to a commitment before some other guy comes along and steals them away. Women like men who are a challenge, men who they have to make a mutual effort to keep around. Despite what women say, they like a guy more if they are unsure of his interest, he’s mysterious and unpredictable.” ~ Coach Corey Wayne
I believe what he says applies equally to "People who are unhappy alone."
"People who are unhappy alone are in a rush, impatient and driven by fear to lock <partners> down to a commitment before some other <person> comes along and steals them away." I know once upon a time, even when dating and sleeping with multiple women simultaneously--I had choices--I was in a hurry to lock-down a commitment. Rushing is definitely not the best way to find a great long-term partner.
I believe what he says applies equally to "People who are unhappy alone."
"People who are unhappy alone are in a rush, impatient and driven by fear to lock <partners> down to a commitment before some other <person> comes along and steals them away." I know once upon a time, even when dating and sleeping with multiple women simultaneously--I had choices--I was in a hurry to lock-down a commitment. Rushing is definitely not the best way to find a great long-term partner.
LH - No, I never stepped outside my marriage. I guess what I meant by Women have always been a weakness is that when I was single I always enjoyed the company of a woman. Being in a relationship with one woman that is committed probably saved me from a lot of bad decisions.
LH - No, I never stepped outside my marriage. I guess what I meant by Women have always been a weakness is that when I was single I always enjoyed the company of a woman. Being in a relationship with one woman that is committed probably saved me from a lot of bad decisions.
I think this is more of a symptom of something deeper than "a problem with women". People that have a problem with women can't remain faithful to one woman. Your deeper issue is more along the lines of needing a woman in your life to feel secure and have a high self-esteem.
But to excuse your need to have a woman around you by simply stating "I've always had a problem with women" is dismissive of a deeper issue as to why you need to have a woman in your life ot feel secure and have self-esteem.
Every thing that DB tries to do is to get a LBS to realize that they can be happy on their own! And I would say this is a huge gauge of whether you are ready to move forward healthy and happy: can you be happy being alone, not in an R, not dating other women, for a period of time. If the answer to that is no, then there is still work to do. Your W could have lost her life suddenly in some way, and in the same way you would have to take the appropriate time to mourn the loss before moving on. I doubt the day after her funeral you would immediately start swiping left and right on Tinder until you dealt with your grief. And did whatever work you needed (including IC!) to move forward and be healthy enough to attract healthy potential Rs in the future.
M(53), W(54),D(19) M-23, T-25 Bomb Drop - Dec.23, 2017 Ring and Piecing since March 2018
