By your account, there haven't been breadcrumbs for months, and now it's cupcakes, vaccine info, and a lunch date. Is this meaningful? Probably. Is she remorseful and ready to reconcile? Probably not.
You have to act in accordance with where your head and heart are. Consider you've stood so long while she's out-of-contact and exploring OM. I would take action to move forward or move on if you can without regrets. In a way this is a meaningful moment--she's more vulnerable than usual if she's suddenly breadcrumbing you. You have three exit plans to consider: a. Filing D, b. One last discussion, c. Discernment therapy.
If you're NOT ready to move on, that's okay, just do some self-work to figure out why so this doesn't go on forever. Some get stuck. I don't think you will. There are at least four reasonable ways to respond outlined in your thread. There are also bad ways, e.g. respond positively to the breadcrumbs ("I'm still a backup. It's OK to explore OM") or make empty threats ("I'm a backup.. and out-of-control! It's wise to explore OM.")
I'd tell her to stick it where the sun don't shine.
That was my first impulse, lol.
How should I convey this to her? She asked in an email notifying me of the filing, and so I will reply to her email.
I was thinking something like, "I'm sorry, but I won't be funding a petition for divorce I did not want or deserve." Too emotional? Too passive-aggressive?
I'd tell her to stick it where the sun don't shine.
That was my first impulse, lol.
How should I convey this to her? She asked in an email notifying me of the filing, and so I will reply to her email.
I was thinking something like, "I'm sorry, but I won't be funding a petition for divorce I did not want or deserve." Too emotional? Too passive-aggressive?
I was thinking something like, "I'm sorry, but I won't be funding a petition for divorce I did not want or deserve." Too emotional? Too passive-aggressive?
The weirdest part, for me, is your apology. I would drop "I'm sorry." If you feel the need to apologize for some wrongdoing, be clear and remoreseful about what you're apologizing for.
"I won't be funding a petition for divorce I did not want" is more complicated. Are you sure you don't want this? My understanding of your last messages is you wanted it but you wanted her to do it so the responsibility for giving up was forever clear and now you're getting your wish, that if she responded "Okay, I can wait a little longer" you'd continue in this purgatory-like limbo state and be disappointed.
"No, I won't be funding this petition for divorce." is maybe enough? Yes, dropping emotions, dropping passive-aggressive, and just stating your decision.
I'd tell her to stick it where the sun don't shine.
That was my first impulse, lol.
How should I convey this to her? She asked in an email notifying me of the filing, and so I will reply to her email.
I was thinking something like, "I'm sorry, but I won't be funding a petition for divorce I did not want or deserve." Too emotional? Too passive-aggressive?
Fewer words. "I will not be funding a D I don't want."
M(53), W(54),D(19) M-23, T-25 Bomb Drop - Dec.23, 2017 Ring and Piecing since March 2018
"I won't be funding a petition for divorce I did not want" is more complicated. Are you sure you don't want this? My understanding of your last messages is you wanted it but you wanted her to do it so the responsibility for giving up was forever clear and now you're getting your wish, that if she responded "Okay, I can wait a little longer" you'd continue in this purgatory-like limbo state and be disappointed.
I guess what I meant was, I never wanted to get divorced in the first place. She's the one who stepped out of the marriage, not me. Now (as in today), I'm fine with the divorce because I realize she's a totally different person now--a complete stranger I don't recognize.
"No, I won't be funding this petition for divorce." is maybe enough? Yes, dropping emotions, dropping passive-aggressive, and just stating your decision.
This is even better.
M(53), W(54),D(19) M-23, T-25 Bomb Drop - Dec.23, 2017 Ring and Piecing since March 2018
