Hey Wolfman, yeah, been a couple of weeks! I hope you are holding up okay and finding ways to improve your visits with your son as he's still willing to visit. Looking forward to your next update.
Hey Wolfman, yeah, been a couple of weeks! I hope you are holding up okay and finding ways to improve your visits with your son as he's still willing to visit. Looking forward to your next update.
Thank you too for checking in with me!!
So last week my son was born. He was 8lbs 5oz. Truly a beautiful baby boy. I am so blessed with him. I can’t tell you the joy I feel seeing and holding him. My gf was in labor for 22 hours (that’s with her being induced) only to have a c section. She handled it like a trooper. I am so proud of her. While she was in labor and dire pain, she would ask me how I was doing. I said are you kidding me you and the baby are the focus. I tried to joke with her, that I had the easy part. Lol I had my s this past weekend and was a little nervous how he would do. When I picked him up I told him he was a big brother and we needed to celebrate him being a big brother. So I asked him if he wanted a special drink, from DD or 7-11 and a special snack. That made him excited. He wanted a slurpee and sunflower seeds. So I picked it up for him. When he got to my house the baby was sleeping and he did t seem to interested in seeing him. But I expected that, it must be weird for him. But little by little he warmed up to him and when I was holding the baby he came over to see him. He would talk to him and rub his arm. It made me so happy. The baby would just stare at him and I would say you are a big brother and he loves you, look how he is staring at you! Then as the day went on he wanted to see the baby more and would ask for him. The next day I asked my s if he would help me build one of those electric rocking swing. He said sure, it was awesome because he took over and wanted to build the whole thing. I was so proud of him. He was so happy to see his brother in it then. Very happy daddy!!! I am noticing with gf that her hormones are messing with her a little. It’s to be expected. She is just very emotional just telling me how much she loves me, how happy she is, then just cries at how happy she is. Overall it’s been great. Still the one thing that really bothers me is exchanging my s at the police station. So unnecessary for him to go through that. I wish I could just keep him with us. He seems very happy at my home!! That where I am at right now.
M:42 XW:41 T:19 M: 15 D:13 S:10 BD: 8/10/18 Moved out: 8/18 Moved in: 9/18/18 Moved out: 4/22/19 D papers signed 11/4/19 D final 3/18/20
Buckle up though - I anticipate this is gonna send your ex into overdrive. Don't let her push your buttons.
I had that same thought. XW doesn't like S spending time with GF. XW is likely to react to this.
Originally Posted by Wolfman
the one thing that really bothers me is exchanging my s at the police station. So unnecessary for him to go through that.
I'm puzzling over this. I have no negative feelings about police stations, so this wouldn't be any more a big deal to me than doing exchanges at McDonalds. I'd ensure the same officer is doing the exchange, help my son get to know them, maybe get a tour of the station. If it's an "ordeal" (definition: a painful or horrific experience), why does going to a police station feel that way to him? Is it your own feelings about going to the police station that are rubbing off on him?
Piggybacking of what CW asked, does your S have an issue with exchanging at the police station or does it just bother you? I think, as CW pointed out, it is actually a good opportunity for your son to get to know the police and see what they do and how they help people. I get that it bothers you but you should try to act as if it is really not a big deal and if you can have that vibe then son will be more at ease.
As for your XW's reaction (or possible over-reaction) to your new child, it will be what it will be and you can only control how YOU handle things and interact with people. You can't control what she's going to do or say. I'm still unclear, though, on why you are even talking to her about anything other than the bare minimum necessities required to co-parent your two shared children. Mind you, what I'm about to say is NOT from my own experience because my XH and I didn't share any children so I have not had the ordeal you do, but I've seen many on here talk about only interacting through email or text or some sort of calendar app so there is written proof of exactly what is said and there is no interpretation or anything. Just simple, basic, perfunctory communication: "I will meet you at police station at 6:00 on June 1 to get S. D is welcome if she would like to come." If she tries to respond with some diatribe beyond that, do NOT engage. It takes 2 to tango.
Me 52, H53 Bomb drop 9/29/2014 Divorce from XH final 12/17/2014 Marriage #2 12/31/2019 5 adult (step)daughters (3 from XH's first marriage, 2 from current H's previous relationships) 6 grandkids
The whole police station exchange bothers me. First off it’s 20 minutes away I have to go to. So it’s lost time I have with my s. If I were to bring him to his moms it’s 7 minutes away and there are some days she would pick him up at my house. I just feel bad for him. Especially having to bring him inside, this is all unnecessary stuff for him. I act fine going in with him. I say hello to the officers that are there and we just sit and wait. Also, because she is crazy, if we wind up being on the road at the same time, she tells people I am following her. Wait tells her lawyer who brought it up in court that I follow her. It’s just disgusting. On a happy note, it’s nice to see my s is taking to the baby. He wants to see him and “play” with him. That makes me feel good. On a sad note. I really struggle some days not being able to see or talk to my d. Her birthday is in 10 days she is graduating middle school, dance recital coming up and I am going to miss it all. I NEVER MISSED ANY OF MY KIDS ACTIVITIES, now I have to because of the order of protection. It disgusts me that my ex doesn’t want me to be in my d life. Some days I just want to cry, I miss her so much. I was always so involved with my kids, this just hurts so much.
M:42 XW:41 T:19 M: 15 D:13 S:10 BD: 8/10/18 Moved out: 8/18 Moved in: 9/18/18 Moved out: 4/22/19 D papers signed 11/4/19 D final 3/18/20
We get it. Everything about everyone's sitch here bothers us. We can all wish that things were different.
With that said, the way we respond to different events in our lives is what is important. Challenge your current beliefs. Maybe your son will become a police officer based of this experience. Who knows. Embrace the exchange at the police station. Let the lights shine on crazy X wife.
Have you done any research into "Amor fati"? If not, I suggest starting at wiki and then some time on youtube. There are other similar concepts that are similar.
"What is best for my kids is best for me" Amor Fati Link to quotes: https://www.divorcebusting.com/forums/ubbthreads.php?ubb=showflat&Number=2879712
Embrace the exchange at the police station. Let the lights shine on crazy X wife.
I agree with this. Eventually she's gonna prove to the police how ridiculously crazy she is, and that can only help you. Continue to be the calm, stable parent at the exchanges.
Congratulations on your new little cub Wolfman!!! I’m with the others on here...try to turn it into a positive experience. Your son will take his cues from you.
Sorry to hear about your missed events with your D. I agree with you. It is disgusting and extremely narcissistic of your XW to go to these lengths to keep you out of your D’s life. Hopefully things will turn around sooner rather than later. In the meantime, focus on making great memories with your other two.
