Thanks LH, probably needed someone to snap me out of my pity party.
That's what I do lol.
Originally Posted by Ace_32
True, i know she has screwed me around more than once and i should just be grateful this happened and walk away.
You have no idea how she saved you some major stress in your middle age by possibly tearing apart your family.
Originally Posted by Ace_32
I don't like giving up and leaving things unresolved, and i would give her another chance if i got the opportunity.
You see this is where if you don't do the work your will continue to go down these paths in the future. You have to get to a place where affairs are deal breakers for you. So she say's she wants another chance and you just say ok? What would be required? Because if nothing was required she would certainly do it again.
Originally Posted by Ace_32
That feeling may change over time but at the moment im still confused and i do love her. I know this is a rollercoaster and emotions change constantly.
i think she is still in the fog of the situation and has shown no remorse.
Ace, I would work on the basis that this will never change. Avoid the disappointment of hoping for something that may never well come. I held on to hope of remorse for too long, it was just unhealthy. Like placing a part of your happiness in the control of someone else. If she is remorseful and apologetic later down the line, well that might be a nice bonus, but if you accept that it’s never coming, you won’t care anyway.
Last edited by OnlyBent; 05/25/2101:37 PM.
Me: 41 W:42 T: 14 M: 11 S: 6
"What happened happened, and couldn't have happened any other way...because it didn't"
I realise it could have been way worse if it happened later in life, i am grateful that it didnt drag another 5 or 10 years before happening.
I understand that and dont want to go down the same paths again, i am working on my mindset and mostly i am getting better but still have days like today where i regress. Affairs were always dealbreakers for me, i dont know why i want to make this work so much. I planned on spending my life with her and i guess it wasn't as much as a deal breaker for me when it happens, but i guess that could also just be fear of the unknown. It definitely wouldnt be that simple, if it ever comes to that there are things that would need to happen from her side. Will think more about that in the future if it happens.
Just about how to move forward in my career and life, this whole thing kind of triggered an early MLC for me but i think it was coming before BD anyway.
Me 32, W 24 T 6, M 3 No kids BD: Aug 2020 OM: Jan 2021 Wife to file soon
Hey Steve, thanks for stopping by. You are right, i do tend to forget how bad interactions were in the past.
Yeah i had no intention of actually contacting her, just wanted to vent a bit i guess. I know i am not at acceptance yet, i have accepted that there is nothing i can do anymore to get through to her but i have not completely accepted that there is no hope.
Yeah I hear that. Though I think that, and we've discussed this before, you will be amazed at dating someone more mature will do for you in the future. I think I've told you that I dated a 19 year-old right before I met my wife. I was 27. Dating the 19 year-old, while exciting, was like raising a child! She was making the same mistakes I made at that age, and didn't want to hear about my wisdom related to those mistakes. We dated a few months, and then she finally flaked completely on me. I was disappointed at first, but then I met my W, who is just over a year older than me. And dating someone my age felt so much better. (I had a history of dating younger women. I was like Matthew Mcconaughey in Dazed and Confused, "I get another year older, they stay the same age!" LOL) I am on record as saying that throughout my early and mid-20s I looked for the wrong things. I was looking for someone that I was completely infatuated with. I think is some ways I did the same with my W, but at least she was in the same age category as me.
I say all that long-winded mumbo jumbo to say that if you end up dating someone new that is in their late 20s, or early 30s I think you will see that it is night and day with what you've dealt with the last 6 years. I don't think you probably even realized it while going through it.
M(53), W(54),D(19) M-23, T-25 Bomb Drop - Dec.23, 2017 Ring and Piecing since March 2018
i think she is still in the fog of the situation and has shown no remorse.
Ace, I would work on the basis that this will never change. Avoid the disappointment of hoping for something that may never well come. I held on to hope of remorse for too long, it was just unhealthy. Like placing a part of your happiness in the control of someone else. If she is remorseful and apologetic later down the line, well that might be a nice bonus, but if you accept that it’s never coming, you won’t care anyway.
Originally Posted by Ace_32
I realise it could have been way worse if it happened later in life, i am grateful that it didnt drag another 5 or 10 years before happening.
I understand that and dont want to go down the same paths again, i am working on my mindset and mostly i am getting better but still have days like today where i regress. Affairs were always dealbreakers for me, i dont know why i want to make this work so much. I planned on spending my life with her and i guess it wasn't as much as a deal breaker for me when it happens, but i guess that could also just be fear of the unknown. It definitely wouldnt be that simple, if it ever comes to that there are things that would need to happen from her side. Will think more about that in the future if it happens.
Just about how to move forward in my career and life, this whole thing kind of triggered an early MLC for me but i think it was coming before BD anyway.
Good stuff here. I think her age comes into play here as well. Ace, unfortunately, I think the regret she will probably experience will be more getting married at 21 rather than getting D'd at 24 or 25. I know a gal that married in her early 20s, then a couple years into marriage realized she made a mistake and wasn't ready. She does regret hurting her ex-H, but more regrets agreeing to marry before she was ready. I actually have a couple of examples of that with people in my life. Age gaps lessen, I believe, as people age. 39-31 is less of a gap than 29-21.
Anyway, hoping she will snap out of the fog is always fool's gold. No one should wait forever for another person. Unfortunately, I can relate a lot to that as well as I waited for my ex-GF to come around for way too long. Probably my biggest regret in life, next to not going into the military out of high school.
M(53), W(54),D(19) M-23, T-25 Bomb Drop - Dec.23, 2017 Ring and Piecing since March 2018
