I don't feel the need to have any interaction with OM2's sister or OM2's niece simply because they didn't directly wrong me
It does seem like you're projecting some of your anger towards your XW for betraying you upon her. I suspect if any other parent whose kids played with yours invited your kids, you'd politely accept or decline (e.g., option #4), right? I agree she doesn't deserve preferential (family-like) treatment, but I wonder if she deserves sub-par (betrayer-like) treatment. It's not her fault you're triggered? You do you. Where you can extend kindness, I think it can help to reduce drama. I'm blessed to get along with my ex.
I wouldn't want to be involved with OM2's sister in any way. It's not her fault but why get that close? Not that you're wrong for your choice either and I certainly don't see this as high and mighty.
And for all the triggering that people get CW walking away, we should probably, I dunno detach from all that. The beauty here is all the different advice and perspectives. I don't see anyone crapping and Sandi or neffer. Not to mention LH you tell people all the time about how they should turn into a WAS after being a LBS. I appreciate your perspective on that too and I think you really help empower these guys who are feeling low.
Truthfully I don’t give a $hit that CW is a WAS. If you follow his thread he is definitely dealing with his own karma anyway. I was pointing that out because he was bragging about how wonderful his relationship is with his exw. IMO way different circumstances when you are the WAS. As for Sandy and Neffer, pretty sure they never divorced their spouses. Appreciate the compliment in the end though.
I just want to feel like the little brother who has to get in on the argument and disagree with everyone lol.
H 34 W 29 BD 3/12/18 Divorce Busted Spring 19
It is not things that bother us, but the stories we tell ourselves about things.
I was pointing that out because he was bragging about how wonderful his relationship is with his exw. IMO way different circumstances when you are the WAS
LH, comparing different traumas is difficult. My XW's untreated postpartum depression resulted in my son being in a full-body cast. The anger initially served me well--to get more space, get custody, and help my children. But after, and especially when she got better, it was a festering wound. Lingering anger is a tie that binds us, but it doesn't serve us. In-person, I have many single parent acquaintances. Some work to reduce it, some don't. Graduations and holidays are easier for the kids of parents who do.
Originally Posted by LH
If you follow his thread he is definitely dealing with his own karma anyway.
I live in interesting times. Amazing highs, tough lows--both karma. Onward and upward. (:
Originally Posted by overtherainbow
I just want to feel like the little brother who has to get in on the argument and disagree with everyone lol.
You know what CW you’re right life would be grand if all the WS and LBS could live together in true harmony and bliss and walk into the sunset together. Also if my aunt had balls she’d be my uncle.
Believe it or not, there comes a point where you hope your ex and her OM do not implode........ It takes years and a lot of painful emotional work to get where I am. Not everyone does. Everyone doesn’t even have to. I still have triggers, they are just managed well.
Yes, I agree with Ginger that you want that outcome eventually for the well being of the kids. But it takes a lot of work and time, and there are still triggers that need to be managed. The reason I wished that exW's R with lilmanboy would implode is because she rushed into everything and wanted to create some fantasy blended family and I didn't think it was going to be a good thing for the kids. And then it did implode because lilmanboy is an a$$hole.
I don't intend to reconcile with exW - it would take a lot of effort and time, and I don't have the patience to go through piecing. But like LH says, you never know. So, I expect that she's going to get into a R with someone else at some point and I hope that the OM is a decent person and can be a good influence in the lives of my kids. There is no OM or OW that can replace you as the primary parent, so I have no concerns about feeling less than. My relationship with my kids is rock solid and there is no other man that can usurp that. My only hope is that exW doesn't rush into a new R and doesn't introduce the kids early. I have a suspicion that an OM is in her life, but nobody has been introduced to the kids, and so I am good with it.
Originally Posted by BL42
Something about the ExW needing to start on a level playing field seems like justice.
I feel you on that. exW's R imploding was good justice in my eyes. Whatever fantasy land and fog that she was in was ripped apart in a matter of days. maybe now she can look back at our marriage and BD and see her part in the mess she made.
Originally Posted by LH19
You know what CW you’re right life would be grand if all the WS and LBS could live together in true harmony and bliss and walk into the sunset together. Also if my aunt had balls she’d be my uncle.
Time for a new thread and please link this one to your new one.
Sit quietly, the answers will reveal themselves when you least expect them to. The past is gone, the present is a gift and you need to focus on today, allow the future to reveal itself when it is ready.
