Thanks LH. I also enjoy some alone time w/out the kids, and actually need it to get shyt done, get some time w/friends, workouts, hobbies, etc. By day 3 w/out them around I am wanting them back though.
I'm 10 months into physical separation and I have not had a shred of longing to be back with W. I guess that makes my sitch a lot easier than many of our friends here on this board. She's got a toxicity to her that is not good, and there's not indication she will ever work on herself, so that's that. I'm just not attracted to her. I also don't chase women. Any woman who does not have high interest in me will not get my attention. And I have found that there is always someone else out there - someone great. I have had serious dating relationships before W, and they obviously ended, but someone else who was great always seemed to eventually drop into my world. Funny how the universe tends to do that.
So summer is in the air, and despite the virus I think it's going to be a great one. 4th of July plans are shaping up and lots of GAL and good time activities happening.
Thanks for your help and posting over at my thread! I can relate to the bonding and improved R with your children, it is probably the best positive reinforcement I get right now, hope it feels the same to you. I remember reading at your thread you had filtered over some great material on self improvement that you played over and over. Can I ask you for some recommendations on this field?
Thanks a lot and stay strong! It means a lot that you posted on my thread!
Last edited by Pack_19; 07/22/2003:17 PM.
------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Me 29 W:29 M: 5yrs T:10yrs S:6 yrs S:1 yr BD: "I want a D" 08/09/19 Sep: 10/27/19
Just poking my head back in here after a 3 month hiatus. Work and Life got busier than ever and time flew right by.
Fingers crossed, all D paperwork is done and there is just one final settlement document to sign and get the judge to stamp and we are officially done. I believe its going to feel like i can fly when its totally final. The amount of paperwork is ridiculous and i don't see the need for most of it, especially if there is no dispute. What a crazy system.
I have developed an amazing routine over the past year since i have moved into my own house. I miss the kids when they are not here, but they are here 1/2 the time and when they are we have an incredible time. The nights I dont have them, i get all the household stuff done and get my social time in, so when they are here its all about them. They are both doing very well and they have long since settled into this house and love the neighborhood, which is full of kids. It could not be working out better.
I wish i had the time to read more threads and comment, maybe that will be my New Years Resolution...? Those who devote their free time to help others here should be commended, it is not easy to find the time.
Pack, I dont think i am supposed to link you to other outside sources, otherwise i would hit you with a list of names to youtube. if i am wrong about this, someone let me know please. There is no perfect self-help guru out there, but there are many people in different disciplines who you can take what works for you and leave the rest. i have spent 2 years going through a progressive journey of youtube videos to find people that make sense to me. Pack you can start as I did, just enter the topic you seek in youtube search and start watching. you will begin to find people that resonate with you.
Wishing everyone well, stay safe. Don't forget that you are in charge of your life, your happiness and your emotions. It's all up to you.
Your kids are the age mine were when I got divorced. All three of mine are now out of the house and in college. Time fly's by. Enjoy every moment with them.
You would definitely be a help to others as they show up here. My Job responsibilities have also increased, so I am not on as much.
"What is best for my kids is best for me" Amor Fati Link to quotes: https://www.divorcebusting.com/forums/ubbthreads.php?ubb=showflat&Number=2879712
I have developed an amazing routine over the past year since i have moved into my own house. I miss the kids when they are not here, but they are here 1/2 the time and when they are we have an incredible time. The nights I dont have them, i get all the household stuff done and get my social time in, so when they are here its all about them. They are both doing very well and they have long since settled into this house and love the neighborhood, which is full of kids. It could not be working out better.
I'm working on developing my new routine as well. I try to do the laundry (clothes, towels, linens), grocery shopping, cleaning...etc done when the kids are not here to keep me busy and as you said make sure when they are here I can focus my attention on them completely. It helps I'm working remotely now due to COVID and can get things done around the house during the day. I'm also flexing out of work many mornings and afternoons so I can see my son before/after school even on days "I don't have him". I try to socialize when I don't have the kids as well but even though I have a big group of friends many are now coupled up and busy with their families (as I was before BD) so though I reach out I don't always have plans.
Anything you can share about your routine or tips you may have would be appreciated.
Originally Posted by Ready2Change
If you have time and are willing to share, I believe that many newbies could benefit by reading the specific details of your routine.
^What Ready2Change said!
Me:39 Ex-W:37 M:7 T: 9 S:6 D:3 BD/IHS/Confirm EA/PA: Feb '20 OM1 affair ends: May '20 W/OM2 & moves out: June-July '20 W files for D: Jul20 OM2 confirmed: 9/2020 Divorced: May '21
My D is oh so close to being finalized, I am just waiting on W's lawyer to send over some paperwork. If it looks acceptable, it will go to the judge and that will be all she wrote! Just as a brief recap, I have 50/50 custody, zero child support or alimony, and we are both keeping our own bank accounts and retirement accounts. My W's parents helped her buy me out of the house and I got a nice chunk of money that will be a downpayment on my next purchase. I'm currently renting a house in the same town in a neighborhood that is zoned for my kids' school and they have friends in the 'hood which is amazing. It is also a very social neighborhood with parents (even with Covid ) so it's alot of fun.
Relations with the STBX are all business and 95% via text. There have been a few blips of drama due to her hotheaded nature, and I simply will not interact with her at those times, same as when we were together. "We'll have to talk about that later." Then silence. I have always believed that one of the most powerful tools is to refuse to engage with a person who is emotional, agitated and spinning. Even waiting just 1/2 hour to deal with the issue is massively beneficial to permit the hothead to cool off. It also allows you to avoid getting sucked into their whirling tornado. The truest manifestation of strength is control over one's emotions.
As for my routine, like BL42 it involves handling virtually all domestic tasks while the kids are at W's - laundry, cleaning, shopping, etc etc, including cooking - I cook multiple complete meals the day before i get the kids so i am not even bogged down with that when they are here. I have found that I need 2 nights to get everything done. It's a multi-tasking scenario and i will often listen to podcasts while i'm doing tasks, or have the music going. I enjoy those nights. So i then have either 1 or 2 nights free every week depending on the schedule. I make use of almost every free evening by being social in some way.
I tend to work longer days when I don't have the kids so I can call it quits a little early when I do have them. We have a different fun project that we work on every week so they have that to look forward to when they arrive. We have family game sessions, movie nights, family band sessions and a bunch of other routines. Outside of that, I have a four day a week workout routine and have specific chunks of time set aside to work on photo projects, researching purchases, reviewing investments, speaking with family, etc etc. There is alot to pack in but there is time. I think it was Bruce Lee that said people who value life do not waste time, because time is what life is made of.
I have had some ideas for posts that I want to execute but that will be for another day. I have also read up on many sitches here recently but not commented, but I hope to do so soon. To be continued.....stay well all.
So glad to see you doing well, moving forward happy and healthy, and dealing perfectly with your STBX. And killing it as a father too. I see nothing but goodness above and congratulate you on the progress. Such a success story. (Proving that not all success stories end with saving the MR.)
Thanks for the update, look forward to your posts to others.
M(53), W(54),D(19) M-23, T-25 Bomb Drop - Dec.23, 2017 Ring and Piecing since March 2018
I have had some ideas for posts that I want to execute but that will be for another day. I have also read up on many sitches here recently but not commented, but I hope to do so soon.
I look forward to reading your insight.
Anyone currently dealing with crazy should read GEKKO's threads. He is a wise DBer from the start.
"What is best for my kids is best for me" Amor Fati Link to quotes: https://www.divorcebusting.com/forums/ubbthreads.php?ubb=showflat&Number=2879712
