That said I would LOVE to meet the whole gang someday. I have received so much support here. (:
Trip to Vegas!
Hell yes
I take it this was meant for another thread?
M(55), W(45) BD1: Apr-2011, BD2: 23-May-21, NC (15 June '21) Divorce Filed (16 July '21) --- When you can't see the light at the end of the tunnel, you need to trust it's there.
So the worst has arrived! Man this has taken everything from me and it's only just starting.
My lawyer has now received contact from my wife's lawyer and she has painted me as the complete opposite of what I am as a person. She has lied, given false accounts of my money being spent on general things that were taken out of her salary, added things to her outgoings such as leasing a car to use daily when she already has a car, beauty treatments when she has not ever had any regular treatments and a heafty pension payment when she hasn't paid into any pension since 2007.
Lies, deceit and enough of it proveable to put everything else in question.
Basically, she has been shafting me for months since my 19.5k dental claim came through and has spent it all and now she's saying the we spent it on general stuff? I would never do that as it was for dental treatment. From what she is saying, she is setting out to shaft me even more and attempting to claim my pensions. She also doesn't want the person she's with to be named. Talk about wanting it all her way!
I will be taking the higher ground here and trying to mitigate my losses. But I really am devasted at all of this - I certainly don't recognise the person that she is - I see pure evil, feel sorry for her wanting to be that way and sorry for the person who she is now with.
I can't believe what I am reading.
M(55), W(45) BD1: Apr-2011, BD2: 23-May-21, NC (15 June '21) Divorce Filed (16 July '21) --- When you can't see the light at the end of the tunnel, you need to trust it's there.
That said I would LOVE to meet the whole gang someday. I have received so much support here. (:
Trip to Vegas!
Hell yes
I take it this was meant for another thread?
Sorry, didn't read the thread properly - I'll come too! If I can get there! :-)
M(55), W(45) BD1: Apr-2011, BD2: 23-May-21, NC (15 June '21) Divorce Filed (16 July '21) --- When you can't see the light at the end of the tunnel, you need to trust it's there.
What she's doing is pretty normal for the MLC spouses we've seen. And some WAS/WS depending on how off the rails they've gone. They design an exit that benefits them and no one else. A lot of them are even willing to let their kids get the fuzzy end of the lollipop if it means they get exactly everything they want on the other side. Once again smilie don't take any of this personally no matter how personal it feels. None of what she is doing is she doing to cut you at the knees personally, she's doing what she thinks is best for her. You are just an obstacle in her way. This version of reality will come crashing down on her in due time. And she will try to make this seem more and more personal as she loses more and more of what she wants. She's going to blame you. She's going to say and do much worse things. Trust me. But none of it's about you. It's about that elusive happiness she seeks. WAS/WS seem to truly believe that happiness is a person, place or point in time. She clearly needs money for her happiness and wants to help herself to as much of yours as possible because it's easier than getting it on her own. If you trust your lawyer and their skills let your lawyer do their job and don't vex yourself with WAW's crazy pants parade of the day. You worry about you. Worry about getting what your lawyer needs from you. Worry about what you need to do next. Do you need to start looking for a new place? Isn't that on the to do list? Any chance you can maybe focus on that for a little bit?
None of what she is doing is she doing to cut you at the knees personally, she's doing what she thinks is best for her.
If you trust your lawyer and their skills let your lawyer do their job and don't vex yourself with WAW's crazy pants parade of the day. You worry about you. Worry about getting what your lawyer needs from you. Worry about what you need to do next. Do you need to start looking for a new place? Isn't that on the to do list? Any chance you can maybe focus on that for a little bit?
I'm sorry you're going through this. Ditto the above. There was also the possible suggestion to pack up her things nicely ahead of time, to minimize the time she spends visiting to pickup her things.
Wayfarer Thank you again for your words. I am in an absolute mess at the moment. I have spent the night (2am here) replying back to my Lawyer. I have audio recordings of our telephone conversation when she said she will pay the rent for June, July and August - I cut that piece out and sent it to them.
I have also sent them information that destroys her outgoings list and income, as well as starts to expose her to preparing to work outside of her work hours, engaging on Zoom calls to bring in leads, etc. This is against her contract.
She also had a secret bank account and said that my dental claim money was in there. It wasn't. she told me it was in the savings pot of her current account and it was her suggestion to put it there. She also quote the wrong amounts - I have provided bank statement of the transactions where I transferred the money to her.
We had also agreed that this money was only for dental treatment and emergencies. She has listed that it was spent on general shopping, which is factually incorrect. She has made it so that there is nothing left on the balance of her list, but she has forgotten about the audio equipment that I purchased just prior to covid pandemic close-downs, that I invested in for my coaching seminar business I was due to set up in May 2020.
She has suggested that I should get work as a window cleaner or gardener!!! seriously? She knows I won't be able to do those things continually due to the movement and my vestibular migraine. Vertigo ad ladders don't really mix, and I can't have my head looking up either for long.
She seems to be seriously off her rocker - I would have never thought that I would be on the receiving end of this - I have done nothing but love and support her.
I trust your comments about it getting worse and her going for everything. I shall be speaking with my lawyer tomorrow about mitigating my risk. I think I'm just gonna cut-n-run on this one and leave her to it. This is seriously scary!
She has accepted that I can divorce for adultery, but with an "unnamed" person. I'm putting my foot down here. If I'm paying costs and I've had all my money stolen so far, then I want ALL parties names to be on public record. Otherwise I will petition for divorce and she can pay ALL costs.
I had a chat with the Rental agent lady today for an hour. She can't believe it. My stbxw emailed her that she wasn't going to pay the rent any longer. The agent emailed her back as said that she insisted on talking with her. So my stbxw called her in the evening and just said what she said in her email. The agent lady told her that no matter what she pays or doesn't pay, as she is on the tenancy still she is both jointly and severally liable. So basically she still has an obligation to pay the rent or part there-of.
I will put my trust in my lawyer, she seems quite aggressive which is why I hired her. I am dreading her coming round on the weekend (the stbxw, not the lawyer) to collect her belongings. Perhaps she won't come now. Arrgh!
How upsetting that somebody who I love(d) can act in this calculated and evil way. It IS really hard not to take all this personally, but I shall try not to. I need to remain on the high-ground, doing things right and equitable. I need to protect myself from her though. god knows what she's gonna do next.
M(55), W(45) BD1: Apr-2011, BD2: 23-May-21, NC (15 June '21) Divorce Filed (16 July '21) --- When you can't see the light at the end of the tunnel, you need to trust it's there.
I'm sorry you're going through this. Ditto the above. There was also the possible suggestion to pack up her things nicely ahead of time, to minimize the time she spends visiting to pickup her things.
Thank you. I have nothing to pack her things in. She has so many clothes. All I can do is gather things up and put them in one place. I have no bags, boxes or anything and I wouldn't pack them nicely in the state I'm in - I don't even want to look at her stuff anymore.
I've got a hypnotherapy session tomorrow morning for my anxiety for when she comes. Then the lady suggested a block of sessions over 4 weeks to help me cope with everything better. I think I may take her up on that.
I'm scared man. I didn't think she was capable of this .. at all ... and for what reason? I have never done anything to warrant this, ever.
M(55), W(45) BD1: Apr-2011, BD2: 23-May-21, NC (15 June '21) Divorce Filed (16 July '21) --- When you can't see the light at the end of the tunnel, you need to trust it's there.
Do you need to start looking for a new place? Isn't that on the to do list? Any chance you can maybe focus on that for a little bit?
Sorry I'm all over the place and forgot to reply to your comment on find a place to live.
Yes I do need that and I need to get that fast. I still don't know where to start but perhaps this will get my head out of the 'clouds of hope of resolution' and firmly on the road out of here. have {luckily} received benefit payment to cover my rent here for another month, so I will use that I reckon to organise myself.
She controls everything, almost and my mobile phone plan is one of them. I don't want my number anymore and i want to be in control of my only method of communication if she stops paying for stuff unexpectedly. So I've just ordered a new SIM card with a new number and a new plan with a different company. That's coming Saturday.
Originally Posted by wayfarer
She's going to blame you. She's going to say and do much worse things. Trust me. But none of it's about you.
I shall bow to your experience here, but it sure seems like I'm the target. Funny though how all this has come about as soon as my pensions were due to have options. She was waiting for my original dental payout (was going for over 6.5 years) which was headed to be around 44,000k, but after my expert witness took a change of heart it ended up 19.5k. My pensions all included have a value of around 100k.
I think I'm going to cut 'n' run here as she is setting me up for a fall. Making her outgoings seems like she hasn't got any money left at the end of the month, by making stuff up. She isn't using her car, but using her new partners car but she's paying the full amount of the lease ... on his car ... and then she's paying for a road worthy test ... on a leased car? I reckon she is referring to the test being for her car as the lease company will do theirs as part of the agreement. So if she has got her car to use, why is she paying a lease on a car that her partner uses and who was paying that lease before she turned up? Lie after lie. It doesn't make sense which is how you know it's a lie.
I think she'll come unstuck. I can't sleep....
Sorry, I'm still ranting. This would be so amazing to watch from the outside, but when you're in it.....
M(55), W(45) BD1: Apr-2011, BD2: 23-May-21, NC (15 June '21) Divorce Filed (16 July '21) --- When you can't see the light at the end of the tunnel, you need to trust it's there.
I know you are spinning and your anxiety is throttled right now. I know how that feels and really struggled as well. You will get past this, I promise. It’s going to sting for a while but you will start to get stronger and stronger as time goes by.
I can also relate to how you feel about how your W has flip flopped and become someone you would have never expected her to be. I remember vividly feeling the same way and analyzing things until I was nearly insane.
Almost all of us here have experienced this, you are not alone.
Hang in there and do your best to try to get some sleep tonight.
