There is a show on Netflix called Firefly lane. The lead girl's mother is having an affair and it's quite obvious. The father approaches on the porch and calmly says "I know what you are up to. You can't have both. You need to make a decision" then walked away. VERY POWERFUL.
I don't agree that the only way back is to wait until your H is begging for another chance.
I love that May said this. "Begging for another chance" encapsulates the truth that there should be more motivation from the WAS or WWS to R/Piece than a momentary whim or regret, or things not working out with OM/OW. We've seen many unsuccessful attempts at R in these cases where the LBS was afraid to set any terms. If we waited for actual begging, though, some Rs here would never have taken place!
May22 I Appreciate your oppinion on my Situation, one thing i have noticed on here is that even though most advice is universal, there are sometimes that there are 2 oppinions and you really have to go with what is best for your situation and no one can know butyou. I agree with you on the him not having to be begging persay, I know my H and though he may eventually truly want to come back etc. hes not the excessivley begging type.
When I got home it wasnt brought up for a good while, I Had went running and cam;e home to take a shower and didnt talk to him much or be around him, other then him asking about my day in which i answered and asked him how his was, as any Neighbor/roomate would (IM trying hard to get in these mindsets). Anyways he did end up asking about it and I said I was busy for why I didnt reply and I also stated i thought it was meant for someone else, he said "of course not, theres no one else id say that too and I just really missed you, how when i didnt respond he said "as a friend" and I said "I dont believe its just as a friend but thanks for being open with me about it" And I know I shouldnt have made that comment it just sort of came out and i instantly regretted it. I did tell him that " I don't miss you not with who you have become lately" He just said he understood and that was that.
And I appreciate your comment of him not being a sociopath etc. My H has been a complete jerk at times and punching him and telling him hes a dumba** is tempting at times, but he is confused and im sure he does miss me and i plan on keeping it that way. Im not going to waiver, or im going to try my best not to. Still trying to get out more and find new hobbies. And I really am trying to do things right, thanks for your support.
Wayfarer first off I want to say things like that to my H, all the time. But I am a very calm person for the most part which Im hoping will make the DB easier to a degree lol
Not sure if I should have responded differently with My H or not and been more neutral. However I could tell that when I didnt tell him I missed him too he was definitley thrown by it with him reaction. He definitley thought Id tell him how much I missed him too.
One other question Ive been struggling with. What is everyones oppinions on wearing my wedding ring? For me Im still married either way so I want to wear it, its not like not wearing it makes me unmarried. But Since Im suppose to be showing My H that Im moving on and not waiting for him and that Im moving on without him if I Have to etc. would it be more beneficial for me to not wear it so he notices I'm not wearing it (which he will) and show him Im moving on if need be and all.
I don't agree that the only way back is to wait until your H is begging for another chance.
I love that May said this. "Begging for another chance" encapsulates the truth that there should be more motivation from the WAS or WWS to R/Piece than a momentary whim or regret, or things not working out with OM/OW. We've seen many unsuccessful attempts at R in these cases where the LBS was afraid to set any terms. If we waited for actual begging, though, some Rs here would never have taken place!
Maybe the original quote that May sites is a little too strong. But certainly, any half-hearted attempts to R is not going to work. The LBS should have very clear requirements for the WAS to return. And if the WAS is serious about R they will readily agree to those requirements. We've seen it and said it before, when the WAS is ready to R they will be willing to move mountains to do so.
"I want to R, BUT........" is rarely ever a true R.
M(53), W(54),D(19) M-23, T-25 Bomb Drop - Dec.23, 2017 Ring and Piecing since March 2018
One other question Ive been struggling with. What is everyones oppinions on wearing my wedding ring? For me Im still married either way so I want to wear it, its not like not wearing it makes me unmarried. But Since Im suppose to be showing My H that Im moving on and not waiting for him and that Im moving on without him if I Have to etc. would it be more beneficial for me to not wear it so he notices I'm not wearing it (which he will) and show him Im moving on if need be and all.
I am in the "you wear it until you are no longer married" camp.
You aren't supposed to be "showing your H" that you are moving on. That is manipulation. You are supposed to move forward with your life, he will either take note or he won't. When you start doing things to "show" him you are doing them for the wrong reasons. WASs can sniff that kind of thing out like a bloodhound.
So if your principles tell you that you should wear your wedding ring, then keep wearing it. Forget about showing him anything.
M(53), W(54),D(19) M-23, T-25 Bomb Drop - Dec.23, 2017 Ring and Piecing since March 2018
You aren't supposed to be "showing your H" that you are moving on. That is manipulation. You are supposed to move forward with your life, he will either take note or he won't. So if your principles tell you that you should wear your wedding ring, then keep wearing it.
Regarding my "begging" comment, ok maybe that was too strong of a word.
What you will notice if you comb through these threads (mine included), if the LBS has not made the WAS work (and by work, I mean over a sustained period of time) to prove their sincerity in the desire to reconcile, one of two things will happen.
1. You will reconcile and there will be another BD after the honeymoon phase. 2. The WAS will drag things out, be uncommitted (even though they say they are), and buy more time to continue their affair or their desire to explore other options.
Someone mentioned the book Love Must Be Tough by Dobson. I highly recommend that book in this situation.
Thanks. And I didnt so much mean to not wear it for that purpose. I guess I worded that incorrectly. Its mire that I was worried that if he saw me wearing it all the time hed constantly think I will be here no matter what, his plan B as everyone constantly says. But I am definitely going to wear it thanks for the advice
Regarding my "begging" comment, ok maybe that was too strong of a word.
What you will notice if you comb through these threads (mine included), if the LBS has not made the WAS work (and by work, I mean over a sustained period of time) to prove their sincerity in the desire to reconcile, one of two things will happen.
1. You will reconcile and there will be another BD after the honeymoon phase. 2. The WAS will drag things out, be uncommitted (even though they say they are), and buy more time to continue their affair or their desire to explore other options.
Someone mentioned the book Love Must Be Tough by Dobson. I highly recommend that book in this situation.
When the WAS is ready to R often times they will beg. Usually it is because the LBS has moved forward and isn't willing to give them another chance.
M(53), W(54),D(19) M-23, T-25 Bomb Drop - Dec.23, 2017 Ring and Piecing since March 2018
