You will get under her skin even more by just enjoying your life.
Make the most of what you have been given.
I think it was Sandi who once posted.. The WW mindset is a total rollercoaster, as although they are acting on emotion, they are have fear.. They do not think about consequences, but when confronted with them ( ie no names of Christmas cards and people asking questions ) they panic and react - ie in your case, complaining to D..
Ironically, ive just spotted BD date on your sig.. Mine is exactly 2 years prior to you - 8th December 2018
yes day after D 16th Birthday - nice gift for her?
ironically i am feeling really good at the moment and long may it continue! how long did it take for you start feeling good about yourself?
It happens as soon as you decide. You create your own energy.
H 34 W 29 BD 3/12/18 Divorce Busted Spring 19
It is not things that bother us, but the stories we tell ourselves about things.
You will get under her skin even more by just enjoying your life.
Make the most of what you have been given.
I think it was Sandi who once posted.. The WW mindset is a total rollercoaster, as although they are acting on emotion, they are have fear.. They do not think about consequences, but when confronted with them ( ie no names of Christmas cards and people asking questions ) they panic and react - ie in your case, complaining to D.
It's so difficult to understand what's going on in their minds, or even realize they may be just as confused and spinning themselves. I had a tendency to know I was spinning and assume she had a clear path and was confident, but maybe not so. Also, based on my initial snooping (have since stopped) didn't realize to the extent she thought poorly of herself and how OM wouldn't like her OR how mad / angry she was at me (was hard to understand that). From the little insight I had it was hard to comprehend her thought process.
Originally Posted by SteveLW
Also, she would have been irritated if mark HAD included her name on the Christmas cards! With WWs there is no winning.
So true. Not specific to Christmas cards my case, but can completely relate to this - they'll be upset/complain no matter which approach you take. It may have been you Steve who posted the movie quote "the only way to win is not play the game".
Me:39 Ex-W:37 M:7 T: 9 S:6 D:3 BD/IHS/Confirm EA/PA: Feb '20 OM1 affair ends: May '20 W/OM2 & moves out: June-July '20 W files for D: Jul20 OM2 confirmed: 9/2020 Divorced: May '21
Also, she would have been irritated if mark HAD included her name on the Christmas cards! With WWs there is no winning.
Steve is like the Jedi Master of seeing through WAW bullshit. Listen to him carefully.
Eventually you’ll realise you can’t placate a WAS no matter what you do, and once you accept that and stop trying or thinking about exactly what you should have said or done, you will have infinitely more time to have a great life.
Had a bad nights sleep last night - the first one in a long time! while i lay there awake i got to thinking about the last 18 months - normally don't think about it!
I manage to put my WW into the Vampire stage of how she sucked all my life blood out of me and caused me to be a shadow of the person i was! when she had used all my life blood - left to find another victim in the PA (no sympathy)
I am back to where i was 18 months ago now (i think) looking forward to life, eager to move on and upwards and hopefully later on find a person who wants me for who i am.
Steve is like the Jedi Master of seeing through WAW bullshit. Listen to him carefully.
This is so true. Steve has some very good advice!
I've not read your whole situation, but I admire your strength! What we are all going through is not easy and it's confusing and the emotions are all over the place. Embrace the emotions and work through them. They are normal. Don't ignore them, but don't let them stop you from making progress...at least that is what I am trying to do.
Originally Posted by markw
I manage to put my WW into the Vampire stage of how she sucked all my life blood out of me and caused me to be a shadow of the person i was! when she had used all my life blood - left to find another victim in the PA (no sympathy)
This comment describes my feelings much of the time about my H lately. The weak ones just want more from the strong ones. We both need to move on with our lives and find equals that support us as we support them and don't suck the lifeblood out of us and give us less in return when we need them! Hang in there!
El
Me 52, H 56 T10 M7, 2nd MR for both 2 Step Sons (19 and 21) BD: Fall 2020 D finalized: July 2022 XH Married AP soon after D day.
Had a bad nights sleep last night - the first one in a long time! while i lay there awake i got to thinking about the last 18 months - normally don't think about it!
I manage to put my WW into the Vampire stage of how she sucked all my life blood out of me and caused me to be a shadow of the person i was! when she had used all my life blood - left to find another victim in the PA (no sympathy)
I am back to where i was 18 months ago now (i think) looking forward to life, eager to move on and upwards and hopefully later on find a person who wants me for who i am.
I did go back to sleep afterwards.
I say this a lot. LOL So forgive me for sounding like a broken record, but setting a drop dead date for me was so freeing. Once I decided that I would give her 1 year after BD to fully recommit to the marriage, or I would move forward with D myself, I started sleeping a lot better at night. Most of my sleeplessness was future related, not so much looking back. So once I had a path forward I started sleeping easier at night.
And when that didn't work, a dose of diphenhydramine (Benadryl) did the trick!
M(53), W(54),D(19) M-23, T-25 Bomb Drop - Dec.23, 2017 Ring and Piecing since March 2018
Got signed off from therapy today - what a huge step it feels! next step is to come off the anti - depressants, doctor already prescribing half measures on them - so hopefully another month/6 weeks should be off them too. feeling like i am half human again! roll on being a full human again!
Congrats Mark! I remember when I started feeling half human. It wasn’t too long afterward that I started to feel like a full human. Once you get past that hurdle, it is smooth sailing. Time and DBing are great healers. (((HUGS)))
Just updating my feelings 2 months on from the last post! i am busy GALing, i have joined 6 local county walk groups and now out with the different groups when ever i can, and loving every moment of it! Walking football has started up again and i am back doing that! been to dinner a few times with friends. D has got herself an evening job in the local chinese take away also just finished decorating around the house! not seen or heard from xW or wanting to either! enjoying life too much
Just updating my feelings 2 months on from the last post! i am busy GALing, i have joined 6 local county walk groups and now out with the different groups when ever i can, and loving every moment of it! Walking football has started up again and i am back doing that! been to dinner a few times with friends. D has got herself an evening job in the local chinese take away also just finished decorating around the house! not seen or heard from xW or wanting to either! enjoying life too much
Awesome! Nice work markw, keep it up!!
M(53), W(54),D(19) M-23, T-25 Bomb Drop - Dec.23, 2017 Ring and Piecing since March 2018
