yeah you're right LH. No need for excessive planning about this, just gotta take the plunge and then see how it goes and what happens. i haven't been on OLD since covid so let's see how the scene is looking.
People may make fun of me attracting drama, but I get no shortage of interest online or offline, in the marriage or casual sections with three simple tricks: (1) Be kind, (2) Be honest, (3) Write a profile or openly tell others why you're unique--don't be person #732 that like "Long walks on the beach." It's better to attract 33% of people and turn off 67% of people, than for almost everyone to feel neutral. This is what they teach in business marketing, applied to dating. Good luck and have fun. (:
If you're seeking a relationship of 3+ months, Bumble (app) and eHarmony (website) are both good. On Bumble, women send the first message which saves time. You know they're interested before you write a message. On eHarmony, you have to fill out a 45-minute personality questionnaire and pay which weeds out people unlikely to meet.
Tinder seems to have the biggest pool. I ended up meeting someone I knew in-person my first day on it! But, you could literally write thoughtful messages and find only 1 in 3 reply. More work on your part.
CW, we don’t make fun of you for attracting crazy. I attract crazy too. Everyone attracts crazy on these apps. Maika, be prepared for that, especially on tinder. It what you do with the crazy that counts. When you see the crazy, you need to run from it.
I took a dating hiatus myself during Covid for about 8 months. Mainly because I didn’t feel good about myself. I put on some fast weight due to high dose steroid use and I couldn’t get it off. I also got an adult haircut that hurt my self esteem. I also began drinking more as well. I saw a doctor, got myself straightened out and when I felt better about myself I jumped back into OLD.
Met some wacko’s, met some nice people, met lots of flakes, met people that were only meant to last for one night. I am definitely taking it more in stride now. I continue to work on myself. I can’t date unless I feel good about me.
Get to a place where you feel comfortable with yourself and you’ll me ready to date. Just know people are nutty out there. It’s just how you handle it
Aside from one date, which happened outside the apps and my own stupidity (i knew right away it wasn't good and the aftermath was not good for a while with this person; i should've known better), i haven't dipped into OLD.
I haven't felt good about myself during the pandemic and I started drinking and smoking a lot, gained 15 pounds and mental health was in the gutter. Pre-pandemic I was on track for my health goals and was at 15% body fat (I know I'm being vain here, but I want to get to 10-12% BF). I am at 20% BF right now and working towards getting back to where I want to be - I got patience and I know how to do it safely.
I definitely do expect some craziness out there and I'll have to navigate that, but I got a killer community here that can help me out if I am doing stupid things.
I've found Hinge far and away the most normal-seeming ("oh, I could see myself dating and having a relationship with her") profiles. Match and Bumble had some promise early but quickly fell off, and Tinder is just an absolute waste land with 1/3 catfish profiles, 1/3 literally scary profiles and 1/3 maybe normal but not always close. It may depend on where you're located...just my experience to date.
CW - Are you located in a major city? Just curious you seem to have an abundance of options.
Me:39 Ex-W:37 M:7 T: 9 S:6 D:3 BD/IHS/Confirm EA/PA: Feb '20 OM1 affair ends: May '20 W/OM2 & moves out: June-July '20 W files for D: Jul20 OM2 confirmed: 9/2020 Divorced: May '21
1/3 catfish profiles, 1/3 literally scary profiles and 1/3 maybe normal but not always close.
How do you assess that a profile is a "catfish"? I need to do a reverse image search for that, but only bother with when we start talking. It's rare in my area--maybe 1 in 50 profiles? Similar question for "scary"?
Originally Posted by BL42
CW - Are you located in a major city? Just curious you seem to have an abundance of options.
I've used Bumbe in big cities and tiny towns. One dating app has 3 live profiles in my area. As long as they bother to write a profile,. I treat each match like a human being. I don't assume. I ask questions. Like if they were in-front of me, right? "Hmm.. I love your philosophy on life, but I don't see any interests in common. Do you happen to be into X, Y, or Z?"
CW - any tips on writing the profile? I know I can google stuff about it, but I thought I'd ask from a real practitioner. would you be willing to share what your profile reads like? feel free to change things up for anonymity sake here.
The only thing i'd definitely put in there is that i have young kids - just to screen people out who don't want a match with a single parent.
I also need to get some decent pics of myself. well, i have some time to get that in order until Dec. i think i'll probably start with the free ones first and see how it goes
From a woman's perspective- PLEASE no nude or semi-nude selfies in front of the bathroom mirror.
And no photos with your ex or another date obviously cropped out. If a photo shows you with a woman, please identify her as your sister, so we know she's not your ex.
Have someone check your spelling and grammar if that's not your strong suit. Share some of your interests. Please, something more enlightening than "walks on the beach". If you're into off-roading in the desert, say so. If you're into classic rock, say so.
Both would be a negative check in my book, not because there's anything wrong with them, which there isn't, but because they tell me we have some incompatibilities. I'm probably not going to want to spend all my weekends out in the desert drinking beer with your motorcycle buddies - fun scene but just not mine - and if someone my age is still hung up on the music of our youth, it tells me their mind isn't flexible enough to enjoy music made after the 70's. Again, nothing wrong with that, but music from all ages is a big part of my life and it's disappointing when someone can't share at least some of that with me.
I think the more you include your genuine interests, the more vibrant a person you appear, AND the better matches you will get. You'll get the girl who LOVES camping out in the desert with the motorheads, and not accidentally wind up with me. Similarly, if someone loves boating and spends most weekends fishing and partying on their boat - that's great, but I have terrible incapacitating motion sickness and cannot go on boats so I would be a lousy partner for them. Similarly, someone retired who is looking for a traveling companion for frequent travel, would not be happy with me who is still working and can only take limited time off.
Also - in today's era - you might as well be honest about your political leanings. I know this will be an unpopular statement here, but I'm definitely 100% not compatible with people of a certain political persuasion right now, and it would save us both a lot of time and trouble if a guy's post stated something that let me know which side of that divide they fell on. Even a hint is enough.
