So I will say it again. People leave relationships for typically 2 reasons. Loss of attraction and/or they don't see a happy future together. Nothing more to see here. Onward and upward!
NO, it's not necessarily about loss of attraction. Cheaters can still be perfectly well attracted to their spouses but still want the thrill of cheating. Many admit later that they never had it so good as they did in their marriages - they just went for that cocaine high of infatuation. You can love chocolate ice cream but decide you want cheesecake one day, just because you want some strange.
NO, it's not necessarily about loss of attraction. Cheaters can still be perfectly well attracted to their spouses but still want the thrill of cheating. Many admit later that they never had it so good as they did in their marriages - they just went for that cocaine high of infatuation. You can love chocolate ice cream but decide you want cheesecake one day, just because you want some strange.
But we are talking about cheaters who chose to leave. It’s not for the thrill.
My ex said to me as he was dropping the bomb he “still finds me hot”
But attraction comes from more than physical. Many lose attraction otherwise.
Cheaters who cheat for the thrill don’t leave. They cheat until they get caught and get kicked out.
My ex is a serial cheater who left because he wasn’t happy in the M . He wanted a woman to worship him and put him on a pedestals and that was me anymore .
I think he still cheats, but he isn’t going to leave because he is happy with his situation with his wife.
NO, it's not necessarily about loss of attraction. Cheaters can still be perfectly well attracted to their spouses but still want the thrill of cheating. Many admit later that they never had it so good as they did in their marriages - they just went for that cocaine high of infatuation. You can love chocolate ice cream but decide you want cheesecake one day, just because you want some strange.
K I wonder if you actually ever read my posts. Loss of attraction and/or they don't see a happy future together. Nothing more to see here. Onward and upward! Loss of attraction isn't necessary physical. Resentment typically leads to loss of attraction. Whether the resentment towards the LBS is warranted or not is another story. A lot is unmet expectations. Your H saw a better life with his AP then he did with you. Until he says otherwise those are the facts and they are undisputable. Same for all of us.
I think he still cheats, but he isn’t going to leave because he is happy with his situation with his wife.
Interesting. Any specific reason to believe he's cheated on her, or are you just guessing?
There is not one girlfriend since a young age he has never cheated on. Not a single one he has ever been faithful to. If the opportunity arises, I have no doubt he would jump on it . I mean, unless this man grew some morals , he would absolutely cheat .
Please start a new thread and link both of your threads together. Thanks!
Sit quietly, the answers will reveal themselves when you least expect them to. The past is gone, the present is a gift and you need to focus on today, allow the future to reveal itself when it is ready.
Cheaters cheat because they want to, because they’re selfish, because they’re depressed and vulnerable to the high, because they enjoy the thrill of getting away with something - not because their spouses failed them. Honorable people in legit unhappy marriages leave first then date.
i'd add a sense of entitlement, because they somehow believe they "deserve" more, younger, better, whatever it is they think will fix the glaring hole inside of them.
M 20+ T25+ S ~15.5 (BD) BD 4/6/15 D 12/23/16
"Someone I loved once gave me A box full of darkness. It took me years to understand, That this too, was a gift." ~ Mary Oliver
I've kept largely quiet during this debate - mainly because I don't want to get really dragged into an argument with people who have a fundamentally different world view than I do. I have a lot better things to do - like check my toenails for lint
I honestly don't "know" what drove my xW to cheat and then continue to cheat. Her "it just happened" could only hold so much water. The key thing was her refusal to stop. And also refusing to make a choice / decision. It was me that threw the towel in and requested a divorce which I still think shocked her. I know that when I called her and gave her that final ultimatum she could do nothing other than weep.
Was she selfish and entitled? Yeah - largely and always was. Knowing her family, it was certainly baked into her genetics. I honestly don't think she went "looking" for an affair which in no way in my opinion takes away from the fact that she had one. I'm also confident that she wasn't wanting to let go of me and our life without nailing down her new one. Something that from my limited knowledge wasn't an easy thing to do which is undoubtedly at least part of her "monkey branching".
I hate applying labels to people and it's easy to toss them around as simple explanations of the complex. In the end though, she was a selfish jerk who I think went out of her way to give me a decent divorce settlement all things considered.
Originally Posted by job
Andrew,
Please start a new thread and link both of your threads together. Thanks!
On BD H52, W50 T27, M26 S21, D23 BD-9-Mar-16 D-15-Jan-18 Final-19-Apr-18 I am a storyteller. The story may do you no good. But a story is never for the listener. It is always for the one who tells
