Boundary after big D part five

[BL42]

Mach40,

I wasnt suggesting a Honda was cheap.
I have one, a Toyota too.
I can afford german, but I am practical too.

No offense taken - I was just pointing out how my perspective changed post-BD/D. For my entire life I've been financially conservative, saved large percentage of salary and invested it, drove a car for 10+ years to get the most value out of it (when my friends have newer fancier ones...etc.), but that's not always attractive either. After my ExW moved out I bought a brand new real nice SUV. A bit of a 180 and not that a car is the biggest factor but an example of upgrading a part of life to be more attractive.

Ex sent me a text, wishing I have a good Christmas. I responded, you too.
And then she responded she worries about me. I have not responded, not sure what the hell that means.
Everything as of late has just been business, in reality..

I think the short "You too" response to the "have a good Christmas" is fine, but I'm with Dawn70, DnJ, and kml on the no response to "she worries about you" comment. She fired you as H and she shouldn't be your shoulder to lean on emotionally, and you shouldn't be hers. Let her alone with the feelings.

[Mach40]

The goats were pigmy's? Short little fellas, girls? They were definitely hungry as we fed them for a couple hours. The girls loved them.. Very tame animals. And the dog that was there, trained to protect the goats was a HUGE lab looking thing. Awesome dog. Great Pyrenees. If you ever get a chance to see one, you will never forget it.
It was like a very small fair, very small. Chickens, goats, one longhorn. And one cat, leopard looking kitty. Almost like a short Savannah.
Grand baby did not want to leave.
Then we went to dinner.. Hibachi House.. Good times.
Came home, opened her presents I got her.
All good.

[Mach40]

Temperature taking. Are you still her Plan B? She wants to know. Plus, if you’re miserable without her, it’s a boost to her ego.

Did not say anything. Only thing she got out of me was first text saying you too..

[Mach40]

Mach40,

I wasnt suggesting a Honda was cheap.
I have one, a Toyota too.
I can afford german, but I am practical too.

No offense taken - I was just pointing out how my perspective changed post-BD/D. For my entire life I've been financially conservative, saved large percentage of salary and invested it, drove a car for 10+ years to get the most value out of it (when my friends have newer fancier ones...etc.), but that's not always attractive either. After my ExW moved out I bought a brand new real nice SUV. A bit of a 180 and not that a car is the biggest factor but an example of upgrading a part of life to be more attractive.

Ex sent me a text, wishing I have a good Christmas. I responded, you too.
And then she responded she worries about me. I have not responded, not sure what the hell that means.
Everything as of late has just been business, in reality..

I think the short "You too" response to the "have a good Christmas" is fine, but I'm with Dawn70, DnJ, and kml on the no response to "she worries about you" comment. She fired you as H and she shouldn't be your shoulder to lean on emotionally, and you shouldn't be hers. Let her alone with the feelings.

Funny, I just upgraded my suv from a 2001 Honda CR-V, 228,000 miles to a 2019 4Runner Limited. Bit nicer.. I have a couple other cars I own, but are driven by daughters. One old Corvette.. Boy did she hate that car. Might put it in my will to my young daughter so its always around, lol.

[bttrfly]

The goats were pigmy's? Short little fellas, girls? They were definitely hungry as we fed them for a couple hours. The girls loved them.. Very tame animals. And the dog that was there, trained to protect the goats was a HUGE lab looking thing. Awesome dog. Great Pyrenees. If you ever get a chance to see one, you will never forget it.
It was like a very small fair, very small. Chickens, goats, one longhorn. And one cat, leopard looking kitty. Almost like a short Savannah.
Grand baby did not want to leave.
Then we went to dinner.. Hibachi House.. Good times.
Came home, opened her presents I got her.
All good.

the farm up the street has a pair of GPs guarding their livestock. They're great dogs.

[Mach40]

Reading a book. No More Mr Nice Guy.... Where the heck was this book several years ago.. It is such an enlightening book.
I cant go into details, but let me ask, what are your Needs..
And how did you get that need across to the significant other, if it involved him/her?

[Mach40]

Hey, I have a new sitch I am dealing with..
Background:My oldest daughter and grand child.. My grand daughter and I are solid, no issues. My oldest 32, we had a caustic first few years. Once grand baby was born 6 years ago, all three of us have grown significantly. Our relationship seems very strong.
Now the tough part. My daughter and her baby daddy have not been living with each other for about 1.5 years. Daughter says there is No chance getting back.
Ever since then, we have been together more and more, and I have been not supporting the grand baby, but doing allot for her. Pictures, events, clothing. No medical or Food. But I think it is levitating towards I will be the grand pa raising this child, along with ex. If it happens, thats fine.
Now the tricky part, me and the ex. Ex is seeing someone. I was clear I didnt want to see them together.
First hurdle of testing my boundary. My grandbaby is having two plays this week. Same play, just twice. I had planned on going to both as I was told nobody could go due to work, and ex is sick again, fever (Flu more than likely). Fever broke two days ago, and she texted me asking for the two them to show up for one of the events as she knew I was going to both. She said, I respect your feelings etc, and want to run it by you. I said, I will go one day, and you can go the other. Problem solved, but my boundary was tested.
Now, Grand babys B Day is in January, and my daughter has told her Momma, that there will be one party, and her new man is not to be there. Not my business, as that is their fight. It can go a few ways.
But, I will not go if he is there, its too soon to deal with this.
Thoughts.

[LH19]

But I think it is levitating towards I will be the grand pa raising this child, along with ex.

Are you saying you believe you and your ex will soon have joint custody of your grandchild?

Now the tricky part, me and the ex. Ex is seeing someone. I was clear I didn't want to see them together. First hurdle of testing my boundary.

Are you saying your boundary was your EX can't date anyone?

My grandbaby is having two plays this week. Same play, just twice. I had planned on going to both as I was told nobody could go due to work, and ex is sick again, fever (Flu more than likely). Fever broke two days ago, and she texted me asking for the two them to show up for one of the events as she knew I was going to both. She said, I respect your feelings etc, and want to run it by you. I said, I will go one day, and you can go the other. Problem solved, but my boundary was tested.

How do you feel your boundary was tested?

Now, Grand babys B Day is in January, and my daughter has told her Momma, that there will be one party, and her new man is not to be there. Not my business, as that is their fight. It can go a few ways. But, I will not go if he is there, its too soon to deal with this. Thoughts.

It's your right to go if you don't feel comfortable. Maybe you can take your grand daughter to Chucky Cheese or something?

[Ginger1]

I made a vow to myself to never make my child’s events about me or OW. It’s not her fault.

You need to do what is right for you. But know that if you don’t show up because She is seeing someone, your granddaughter will remember you weren’t there , but this man was. Sorry, it’s a harsh reality.

You say it’s too soon, but am I mistaken or has it been a few years ?

[DnJ]

Good Morning Mach

I’ve merged your latest posts with your already open thread. Please utilize one thread until it reaches 100 posts.

DnJ