Boundary after big D part five

[Ginger1]

Exactly why I say it’s harder for both sexes. OLD is very difficult for both sexes .

And let’s be real, if men could actually filter out by weight and bra size, they likely would leaving it pretty dismal for women as well .

[Ginger1]

…..and your hinge data is a small representative of the general population.


I think people should quit the online stuff anyways. Most of the time in person a woman will meet a guy and have no idea if he is over or under 6 foot and they really don’t care. And men could start talking to the hottest chick in the room and find out she is as interesting as a bag of rocks. Her friend right next to her, maybe not his “type “ might be really funny and he’s all of a sudden seeing her as way more attractive than her friend.

OLD is set up for failure. It’s a business. The free apps block who you want to see so you pay to see what you want. If everyone pairs off happily, well, then they are out of business.

And the guy I met didn’t have his height listed. It just so happened he’s 6 ft tall. He could have been 5’8 and I honestly wouldn’t have really batted an eye .

OLD does no favors to either sex.

Look at Mach. He made some wild assumptions off of a few photos posted with boats.

Mach, I encourage to keep up the IRL meeting people. SeemsIke you don’t have a problem doing that. Or at least until you can see this small profile with some fun photos and not make a dreary narrative. I know that there are certain things I see in profiles I run from only because those statements have unfortunately coorleated the with the same negative connotation when I actually began talking to them and went out with them . Which is a reason why I don’t belong OLD either and had to drop the apps

[kml]

Graduate degrees are not a bad thing, but many with grad degrees are with similar people and generally, not always, live in a higher standard of living. And after losing a spouse, its rather hard to get back into that.. I was just reading it as someone who wanted someone with a higher income, kind snotty of me I guess.

Actually, women with graduate degrees probably can fend for themselves financially - meaning they may feel free to date someone who doesn't make as much as they do - and they are probably more focused on finding someone who is an intellectual match.

My BFF, who has nothing but her low-income job and a meager social security widow's check, is the one who really should be looking to date a guy who has at least a home and a pension or some such. Otherwise she could end up impoverished in her old age or financially dependent on her college-aged only child. I, on the other hand, can provide for myself in retirement, and have the luxury of choosing to date for love alone if I want to. (My minimum actually is that the guy be able to live within his means and provide for himself, but I don't care about much above that - I just don't want his financial worries to become mine. )

I also don't need a guy to have the same educational level as me, but I do need him to be intelligent. And more important than that, they have to be not intimidated or bothered by MY intelligence. Crazy ex-BF was the least educated guy I ever dated, but he was actually pretty intelligent although uninformed. And he never ever made me feel like my intelligence was a problem (unlike my surgeon ex who had a chip on his shoulder because I did better on med school exams than he did. I NEVER thought I was smarter than him - intelligence takes many forms - but HE was bothered by it. )

Sounds like you're making some pretty broad - and possibly erroneous - assumptions.

[BL42]

Mach40,

As far a "Home" comment, I feel, after seeing other women close to me and family, that they will try to get back into same lifestyle, a home etc. Its nothing derogatory, but its just a feeling I get. Maybe I am a little stand off and have a more of a questioning attitude as of late.
Good attitude about the dates. They werent bad, but I may have not been 100% focused on the fact they wanted to meet me to begin with..
Graduate degrees are not a bad thing, but many with grad degrees are with similar people and generally, not always, live in a higher standard of living. And after losing a spouse, its rather hard to get back into that.. I was just reading it as someone who wanted someone with a higher income, kind snotty of me I guess.
I know a few women that watch sports just for the husband, not because they like it. Just personal experience.

I gotta say...these comments come off as either pretty picky or pretty cynical. Having a home, a grad degree, interests in sports and/or boating...these are generally positive things. Yet you're reading into each one in a negative light. I suggest not "swiping left" on those factors and keeping yourself open to meeting up in person and vetting the people once you get to know them as well. Unless of course you're reading the negatives because you're just not ready, which is absolutely fine. To LH's earlier comment, maybe you're also still in need of some healing before you date. Again, absolutely fine.

Women no longer NEED men.

Also btw men no longer need women either. That’s why all these guys you meet are unavailable.

Men and women no longer needing each other seems to be leading to a lonely population out there...

And let’s be real, if men could actually filter out by weight and bra size, they likely would leaving it pretty dismal for women as well .

LOL! Hilarious observation. Could you imagine a dating app adding those filters for men? That'd be national news.

That said, LH has a point that men swipe right a much higher percentage than woman and woman get FAR more matches - that's just a statistical fact. So while that doesn't measure the quality, it is way easier for women at least in terms of quantity.

I think people should quit the online stuff anyways.

Mach, I encourage to keep up the IRL meeting people.

Real life is certainly preferable - you both get a better assessment of each other than a short profile and a few pictures.

Most of the time in person a woman will meet a guy and have no idea if he is over or under 6 foot and they really don’t care. And men could start talking to the hottest chick in the room and find out she is as interesting as a bag of rocks. Her friend right next to her, maybe not his “type “ might be really funny and he’s all of a sudden seeing her as way more attractive than her friend.

Right. Seems like OLD is more slanted towards the superficial.

[Mach40]

I’m glad you brought this over here.

Mach, that’s really heavy on assumption and also on the assumption these women can’t maintain their own lifestyle. I imagine you are matching with middle aged women who have built something in their lives . They have hobbies like boating and enjoying sports! They aren’t kids anymore. They have earned things throughout their lives and often make their their own money to maintain them.

I happen to know a good amount of women who earn pretty well for themselves. They don’t need a man to pay for the things they enjoy. It’s an outdated notion, don’t you think?

Also, To speak to why OLD dating is so hard for MEN as one poster had mentioned. I agree. It is harder for middle aged men these days. Mainly because men used to be able to bring some charm and a salary to the table . Women no longer NEED men. They have to bring more to the table than being the guy who works over 50 hours a week and provides. Because women are doing it too. And killing it. Typically in midlife, it’s more of a want than a need . Women and men both are established. It’s harder than it used to be sure, but majority, the standards are not unreasonable

Ginger, It is allot of assumption. I am 55 years old, and its a gut feeling, thats all. A few on the place I was on stated, they are financially and mentally secure, but not many at all. Some, remember this is window shopping, looked like they were in very nice homes ( some were as stated where they lived) but were still posting pictures with rings and significant other prior to their sitch, if they are separated/divorce.. Its all assumption till ya meet them.
And to be honest, yes there are successful women out there. But when you look at the stats of income, men and women, not many people make allot of money to live in certain areas here. I know the incomes of many people and how they live. Most are in debt , heavy debt, to live a certain lifestyle. But I digress. Yes, assumption.
But what is pretty well earnings, and where is this earning being used, ie state, city, county etc. Income is different in NYC/Boston, then say Cross SC. Huge difference in how far a dollar goes.
We see it when people retire in NY/CT/OH and come here, they end up making a town called MT Pleasant and Daniel Island.
I know I have value to a potential person I may end up with. I am self sufficient, independent. Just as many women are. But, I just have a gut feeling many are not on the 2D dating sites.

[Mach40]

Exactly why I say it’s harder for both sexes. OLD is very difficult for both sexes .

And let’s be real, if men could actually filter out by weight and bra size, they likely would leaving it pretty dismal for women as well .

Not a bra ( and some push up bras are crazy help for some) or weight/size person. But there is a weight size I cant/wont date as I feel they have no desire to take care of themselves. And there are some uber skinny women too, need to eat some dang food or something. But it is 2D, window shopping. Real life you see people, in action, smiling, walking, dancing, etc..

[Mach40]

Graduate degrees are not a bad thing, but many with grad degrees are with similar people and generally, not always, live in a higher standard of living. And after losing a spouse, its rather hard to get back into that.. I was just reading it as someone who wanted someone with a higher income, kind snotty of me I guess.

Actually, women with graduate degrees probably can fend for themselves financially - meaning they may feel free to date someone who doesn't make as much as they do - and they are probably more focused on finding someone who is an intellectual match.

My BFF, who has nothing but her low-income job and a meager social security widow's check, is the one who really should be looking to date a guy who has at least a home and a pension or some such. Otherwise she could end up impoverished in her old age or financially dependent on her college-aged only child. I, on the other hand, can provide for myself in retirement, and have the luxury of choosing to date for love alone if I want to. (My minimum actually is that the guy be able to live within his means and provide for himself, but I don't care about much above that - I just don't want his financial worries to become mine. )

I also don't need a guy to have the same educational level as me, but I do need him to be intelligent. And more important than that, they have to be not intimidated or bothered by MY intelligence. Crazy ex-BF was the least educated guy I ever dated, but he was actually pretty intelligent although uninformed. And he never ever made me feel like my intelligence was a problem (unlike my surgeon ex who had a chip on his shoulder because I did better on med school exams than he did. I NEVER thought I was smarter than him - intelligence takes many forms - but HE was bothered by it. )

Sounds like you're making some pretty broad - and possibly erroneous - assumptions.

KML, Yes, I am making broad assumptions as I have stated. But, they are quick gut feelings based off write ups and pictures. Like a book cover.. I am judging the book before I read it.
My ex has a graduate degree. She is super intelligent, as far as her degree and speaking ability. I know deep down she wanted to connect with someone with "higher" speaking/intellect.
In marriage you have to accept not everyone meets all your wickets.
Graduates degrees are not a guarantee you will make it.
At 55, I hope I am not looked down upon because I have no clue about a topic someone is talking about. But, if given the chance, I can research it, and then have a conversation, do my best..
I think I am going to keep focusing on me. Making me a better me.
The lady I just met down the street, I like her, we chat up quite a bit, which is nice. Lets see where things take us.
I had a fear a long time ago, that I would meet someone, then the ex would have a epiphany and want to get back. Not sure how I would have handled that. Probably poorly. Maybe that has something to do with being judgmental on the OLD sites too.

[Mach40]

Mach40,

As far a "Home" comment, I feel, after seeing other women close to me and family, that they will try to get back into same lifestyle, a home etc. Its nothing derogatory, but its just a feeling I get. Maybe I am a little stand off and have a more of a questioning attitude as of late.
Good attitude about the dates. They werent bad, but I may have not been 100% focused on the fact they wanted to meet me to begin with..
Graduate degrees are not a bad thing, but many with grad degrees are with similar people and generally, not always, live in a higher standard of living. And after losing a spouse, its rather hard to get back into that.. I was just reading it as someone who wanted someone with a higher income, kind snotty of me I guess.
I know a few women that watch sports just for the husband, not because they like it. Just personal experience.

I gotta say...these comments come off as either pretty picky or pretty cynical. Having a home, a grad degree, interests in sports and/or boating...these are generally positive things. Yet you're reading into each one in a negative light. I suggest not "swiping left" on those factors and keeping yourself open to meeting up in person and vetting the people once you get to know them as well. Unless of course you're reading the negatives because you're just not ready, which is absolutely fine. To LH's earlier comment, maybe you're also still in need of some healing before you date. Again, absolutely fine.

Yes, again, my comments are very judgmental on the OLD sites.
Not everyone can make a OLD site profile "pop" and truly show who they are. Some sites try with many questions to get as much data put out there as possible.
But, Like I said earlier, its like looking at a book cover.. Havent read the book yet.
Grad degree, boats, home, interests in sports. The boating, I get. Many like to be on the water.
And, I have never seen a women put a boat in the water in SC, ever. Not saying they dont have boats, own or operate them, but never have I seen one. It would be an interesting purchase to look into.
Women into sports, yes, some. But again, I see it more of a guy thing and women support the guy thing by going to watch games, etc. How many women only tale gate parties do you see, or groups of women going to football/baseball/racing events? Be honest.

[LH19]

And let’s be real, if men could actually filter out by weight and bra size, they likely would leaving it pretty dismal for women as well .

Actually men can filter by body type and women still get 10 times more matches. It would also be interesting if penis size were included.

[LH19]

…..and your hinge data is a small representative of the general population.

Well I will take a sample size of millions over a sample size of 1.

OLD does no favors to either sex.
If you are talking about opportunities it favors women big time. If you are talking success it favors the top 10-20% of men like my boy Spiral.
[quote=Ginger1] Look at Mach. He made some wild assumptions off of a few photos posted with boats.

It's because he is hurt and didn't properly heal and sees his EXW in every profile.

Which is a reason why I don’t belong OLD either and had to drop the apps

Boy if I had a nickel for every time I heard this one..........