pancan dot org, a pancreatic cancer organization, has a very good page about genetic risks for pancreatic cancer (about 10% of pancreatic cancers have a hereditary component). BRCA gene mutations, Lynch syndrome, several other hereditary cancer genes are associated with an increased risk of pancreatic cancer. You might want to consult with a geneticist, especially if there were other types of cancer in your father's family, or Ashkenazi Jewish heritage on that side.
Here in the states, there is a company called Color that offers hereditary cancer gene testing direct to consumer. Not necessarily as complete as the expensive cancer gene tests that doctors run (IF insurance allows it!) but a good second best if insurance won't cover testing - about $300 here.
Thanks KML. That is definitely a concern. My sister had breast cancer at the same time as my dad had pancreatic cancer so it is in our family for sure. I will look into it for sure.
I also wanted to pop in and let you know it saddened me to hear about your friend (as well as your dad) dying from pancreatic cancer. Sending you hugs and positive thoughts. And keep us posted if you do look into your own cancer risk. It's scary to look but knowing will allow you time to intervene...
Hugs, El
Me 52, H 56 T10 M7, 2nd MR for both 2 Step Sons (19 and 21) BD: Fall 2020 D finalized: July 2022 XH Married AP soon after D day.
Hi All. It’s been awhile since I posted. Not much has been going on. Just living my life and staying open to whatever life has in store for me.
On the house front…that’s a bit stalled at the moment. Partially because of the state of the world these days and the fluctuating prices with everything. My BIL knows several people who have stopped in the middle of building to see if things will even out over the next little while. The other part of it is that the planning and permit process is heavily reliant on my BIL and he seems to be going through some sort of an existential crisis. My sister and I tried to talk to him the other day about it and he basically ranted about how disappointed and angry he is at people and the world in general. I think this could be his version of an MLC. He’s usually pretty mellow and even-tempered. I haven’t seen him like this before. My sister sent him off on a trip with his best friend to see if that might help snap him out of it. He’s home tomorrow and my sister is leaving on a business trip for four days so it will be me, him and my kids. My sister is back on Friday and then she and I are going on a five-day road trip to Portland. After I’m back, I have a three-day work week and then it is off to XH1’s parents’ 50th wedding anniversary. I’m taking my kids this time and we are turning it into a mini-vacay. I got an Airbnb next to a lake so we are just going to chill for a few days before heading back home. Looking forward to it.
On the man front…nothing too significant to report. I’m still talking regularly to the guy that I went to high school with who lives an hour and a half away. I joked with him the other day that I would come to his 99th birthday party (irrelevant side story to that) and he texted that he hoped he would get to see me before then. I told him he seemed too busy to fit me onto his dance card and he agreed that he works too much and should stop in to see me next time he is driving through my town. Not holding my breath.
I also have been playing a lot of pool with my friend who just turned 40. I know he has a thing for me but he is way too young and more like a little brother to me so that is a line I will never, ever cross. I pretend I don’t know about his crush and keep my boundaries really clear and so far, it is working out well. We are both getting better at pool…lol. Recently he disclosed to me that he is a closet alcoholic and has stopped drinking. He’s off work for awhile so he can get his physical and mental health together. He lost both his parents by 16 and his only sister about seven or eight years ago and I think just developed some poor coping mechanisms.
There is one other guy but the jury is out. About six weeks ago, my sister and I ran into a childhood friend that we haven’t seen since high school. He grew up about three blocks from us and we were good friends all the way through elementary school. Anyway, my sister was shocked because she had just added him as a FB friend a couple days before and then all of a sudden, there he is. We chatted for a bit and I added him a few days later. Time has been very kind to him. He’s about 6’2” and looks like an athlete. Seems like a really nice guy… ironically has twins too that are a year younger than mine. Don’t know the story there…just that he hasn’t been with the mom in years. Anyway…he started sending me random cute videos on Messenger and we just started chatting pretty regularly a couple of weeks ago. He is another guy that seems pretty busy. He has asked me a couple of times if I have any plans (for the next day) and every time he has, I have had plans…lol. I realized the other day that he may think I’m not interested. I find myself reluctant to go out of my way to meet with him. Not sure why. Possibly because he is the first guy in awhile that I’ve been physically attracted to and it has made me feel a bit vulnerable…lol. I like the friendship we are developing and I don’t want to get sucked into anything. I also remember hearing rumours about 17 years ago that he was having substance abuse issues so that has me a bit wary as well. I haven’t asked him about it. I’m saving that for when/if we meet in person.
And then there is XH1… we still keep in touch. He’s still pretty attractive to me. But…really like our friendship and I just don’t think it would be wise to go down that road again…at least not now. Probably why I’m bringing my kids with me…lol. Good protection from doing anything stupid.
So that’s it for me. Nothing earth shattering. (((HUGS))) to all!!!
I was just re-reading some of my past posts, don’t ask me why - it’s not that I don’t know, i just don’t want to delve not it all. But saw your name, along with several others and thought… wow have not heard from her in…turns out to be over 4 months. So many have left… saw Coconuts name and Doodler, and Juju and others. All rarely come back. Have you started the new house yet? Give us an update if you happen to actually see this.
DonH Midwest Me 56 WAW-EXW 55 Met 11/95 / Married 5/00 Bomb 6/20/05 / She Filed on 6/2/06 / Divorced on 10/9/06 4 who'd qualify as GF since D & dated about 25 women since D
If you look at their profile you can see when last they were around
DejaVu6
Join Date Tue Oct 02 2018 03:18 PM Last Seen Sat Jul 02 2022 01:54 AM
Doodler was more or less banned although he's popped his head up I think about 3-4 months ago under an alias. He was a bit of an odd duck in the last few months he was on here but was a very supportive person who I still think of fondly.
I know that a few like Coconut at least have connected to the wider community outside the forum.
On BD H52, W50 T27, M26 S21, D23 BD-9-Mar-16 D-15-Jan-18 Final-19-Apr-18 I am a storyteller. The story may do you no good. But a story is never for the listener. It is always for the one who tells
While Andrew’s tips and suggestions may help others, I’m already well aware of them and in fact connected to Coconut and others and know where to find DeJaVu. Although I was not aware Doodler reappeared under an alias so that was helpful. Sometimes posting here will draw them back which is what I was hoping for with DJV.
But BL42 some of us have connected IRL over the years whether through social media, text, telephone or even in person. If you know one or two it’s easier to find others.
DonH Midwest Me 56 WAW-EXW 55 Met 11/95 / Married 5/00 Bomb 6/20/05 / She Filed on 6/2/06 / Divorced on 10/9/06 4 who'd qualify as GF since D & dated about 25 women since D
It's been a long time so thought I would pop in to say "hi" and see how everyone is doing these days and managing their post-divorce lives.
My life is full of ups and downs, as per usual. Still single and actually a lot more okay with it than I used to be. While I am still on a couple of dating apps, I haven't been actively using them for at least six or eight months. I've been more focused on living in the moment, cultivating gratitude and working on becoming the person I ultimately want to be. I think I am making progress but, as always, there is still much to learn. Having said that, my 55th birthday is fast approaching so I expect I will give OLD at least one more college try sometime soon.
Lately, I have been watching a lot of YouTube videos of people who have had near death experiences (NDE's)...trying to make sense of a world that so often seems random and unjust. This new obsession was prompted by a phone call from XH a few weeks ago. We've talked on the phone maybe two, possibly three, times since I found out about his affair in 2017 so I knew he wasn't calling just to say "hi". I almost didn't answer but then curiosity got the better of me so I ignored my inner feeling of dread and picked up the call. Sure enough...as soon as I heard his voice, I knew something was really wrong. I also noticed that my first instinct was to take care of him. I would say old habits die hard but I've since come to understand that having compassion and empathy for others is just who I am at my core and when I live my life that way, I feel like my best self. It's taken me awhile to regain my equilibrium in that way but now that I have, I am grateful for what I went though because I think it has made me an even better person in that regard.
Anyway... turns out XH's wife's body has been slowly rejecting her transplanted liver. They were hopeful she would be able to have another transplant but apparently have been told, once and for all, that it isn't going to happen. She is in end stage liver failure and they have been told that time is limited. The pain she has been enduring this past year has been taking its toll on her mental health and this is even worse now that toxins normally filtered by her liver are freely roaming throughout her body and attacking other organs which includes her brain. So life has been very difficult on days when she is not herself and XH was calling me to let me know as, of course, this has been impacting our kids despite his best efforts to protect them from it. So now, after finally getting past the grief of my marriage ending, I am in the strange position of grieving the eventual death of the woman who played a big part in it (she and I are in a good place and even text each other as well as have a group text with XH) and trying to figure out the best way I can support my kids and their dad who is barely holding it together at this point. His phone call was pretty devastating and I've not thought about much else since. I think I said it before but I really wanted them to be married for 50 years so that everything we went though made sense somehow. But it's only been five years since I learned of her existence and they've only been married a year so it's been hard to reconcile how this has played out. The only thing that makes sense to me at this point is that she needed him to help her get through this last stage of her life and that he needed her to start to become the man he had previously only pretended to be. Maybe that was the purpose?
I briefly talked to him last week when he dropped the kids off and we talked a bit about life and lessons and my recent obsession with NDE videos. He told me he has watched a few too...probably for the same reasons. I told him I was happy to see him stepping up and being such a good partner to his wife. We also talked about what I went through with my parents and my experience grieving the loss of people who were still around as well as the guilt I had felt during my moments of self pity (because it is so, so hard to watch someone you love deteriorate over time and you are powerless to stop it). I think he now gets what I was going through the last two years of our marriage and what it feels like to have to hold it together for everyone else around you when all you want to do is collapse into a little ball and cry your eyes out. I always thought it was an important thing for him to understand for his own growth as a person but definitely didn't want him to have to figure it out this way. His wife is only 41 years old. Way too young to be facing something like this.
In other news... house project is still on hold due to rising interest rates, supply chain issues and worker shortages. We're putting it off one more year with the hope that some of those things will even out a bit. If not, there is a chance we may just decide to sell the property in which case, I will buy my own house. I can only live in my sister's home confined to a small bedroom with most of my stuff in storage for so long. I don't want to be still living there when my kids graduate from high school.
I'm going to Vegas at the end of February to play in our pool league's world championships. My sister and I managed to get 8 of our ten nights comped so are only paying about $110 for the hotel. That makes it a pretty cheap trip provided we don't gamble too much. We are also in the midst of planning the three-week trip to Croatia with her, her husband and two other couples that we were supposed to go on in 2020. I was hoping I would have had a plus one by now but I'm not too upset that I don't. I'm kind of used to being the odd person out so it doesn't really bother me anymore. I know I will have a great time regardless.
One other tidbit of information. I took a five-day mini vacation with XH1 at the beginning of September. We had a great time. It was surreal to be hanging out with him (platonically) after divorcing 20 years before. I am truly blessed to have the kind of friendship I have with him and I know we will be in each other's lives forever. I will probably plan a visit to his neck of the woods this summer. I took the kids for a visit last year and S15 has asked me if we can do it again.
So that's it for me. Just wanted to stop in and let you guys know I am still alive and working on living my best life. I hope 2023 is good to each and every one of you. (((HUGS)))
We are also in the midst of planning the three-week trip to Croatia with her, her husband and two other couples that we were supposed to go on in 2020. I was hoping I would have had a plus one by now but I'm not too upset that I don't. I'm kind of used to being the odd person out so it doesn't really bother me anymore. I know I will have a great time regardless.
Maybe you will pick up some handsome Croatian guy while you're there?
NDEs are a fascinating topic. Once you start talking about it with people, it is surprising how many people have either had one, or had a dying relative who experienced "visitations" before they died. I'm not sure what awaits us on the other side of death, but I feel comforted that the experience of dying itself is apparently peaceful at the end, and I personally do believe that somehow we continue in some form. I remember many years ago, listening to a radio interview while driving in the car. The author had written a book about NDEs, and many of the people calling in had experienced their own NDE. He asked each of them the same question - how had it affected their life? And almost every single one replied, that they no longer feared dying.
