Important Announement!!

[bttrfly]

Let me be more explicit.

I can't stand for a marriage which no longer exists. My husband is now married to his affair partner.

I did not want this. I did everything I could to DB this.

So now that I'm divorced, HOW will this new board support me, and people like me.

Michele said

Most importantly, this forum will be where posters who have recently divorced and are trying to navigate their lives after post divorce can post and look for advice and/or support.

So how exactly is that going to happen??

There is no relationship with my exh to DB.

I'm alone here in the wilderness trying to figure out what the heck I'm supposed to do with the rest of my life.

I'm doing the best I can with the tools I've learned and with support from people who came before me.

The decision to remove the Surviving section removes that support system.

It's punishing those who never wanted to be divorced and now find that they are.

It's also punishing those who have stayed on to help the newcomer and pay it forward.

So again,

1. Exactly how will people who are now divorced be able to get help and support?

2. how is this new forum going to support people like me?

3. how is that different from what we already have?

More importantly, what is and isn't allowed to be posted if you are no longer married, cannot DB your now defunct marriage, and are left twisting in the wind, post a divorce you never wanted in the first place????

[bttrfly]

I realize, Cadet, that you're acting as a Moderator. I appreciate what you do. The questions, however, remain.

And, frankly, given the amount of divorced people who stick around here to help the newcomers learn the Divorce Busting principles?? I think the questions deserve an answer for those people.

[OwnIt]

Ok, I was finishing up some end-of-the-month stuff and up late and a little slap-happy, so I got an enormous chuckle when reading this. Seems a little like "who's on first." Bttrfly I don't mean to be flippant about your obvious concerns, but the circular talk is quite funny.

So I haven't been hanging out here but I think what they are getting at is that it is a support board based on Michelle's books about saving marriages through Divorce Busting (TM) so they want to focus on the DB principles and the mission of the site. They probably don't want newbies coming here and getting scared by after the big D section and talk.

Just because you don't talk to your ex-h, doesn't mean you can't DB in your life--friends, relatives, tradespeople, workmates, pets, etc. I think we can all see the value of the DB principles in many areas of life. If Michelle hasn't yet written a book that is applying the principles outside the divorce setting, she should. (Here's a little suggestion for her, build a family of BUSTING marks--DRAMA BUSTING, BRAT BUSTING, HABIT BUSTING, etc.)

Pretty clearly they are trying to leave the door open for you guys to post and discuss the support-related issues. My guess is that this could also be a means to address some of the tattle-telling and complaining that seems to go on from time to time when things get a little heated (with associated disappearances and rumored bannings). Admins, do keep in mind that the First Amendment is truly what makes this country great. The remedy for speech you don't like is more speech, not censorship. We are the ones who choose to be hurt by words--we don't have to make that choice.

Frankly, I've always thought there were way too many sections for the number of people who regularly post. I don't know why they don't collapse them to 2 (I would keep a newcomer's section and then put everyone else into one in their newly labeled section). Newcomers are too raw, it's too much to think about everything that comes later.

Hope all of you are doing well!

[Rockon]

I’m with BF - confused and hoping the tremendous support in, from and for this community continues for people at various places and stages and needs for growth, purpose and healing.

[bttrfly]

Ok, I was finishing up some end-of-the-month stuff and up late and a little slap-happy, so I got an enormous chuckle when reading this. Seems a little like "who's on first." Bttrfly I don't mean to be flippant about your obvious concerns, but the circular talk is quite funny.

and yet those simple questions are not answered.

So I haven't been hanging out here but I think what they are getting at is that it is a support board based on Michelle's books about saving marriages through Divorce Busting (TM) so they want to focus on the DB principles and the mission of the site. They probably don't want newbies coming here and getting scared by after the big D section and talk.

Just because you don't talk to your ex-h, doesn't mean you can't DB in your life--friends, relatives, tradespeople, workmates, pets, etc. I think we can all see the value of the DB principles in many areas of life. If Michelle hasn't yet written a book that is applying the principles outside the divorce setting, she should. (Here's a little suggestion for her, build a family of BUSTING marks--DRAMA BUSTING, BRAT BUSTING, HABIT BUSTING, etc.)

Pretty clearly they are trying to leave the door open for you guys to post and discuss the support-related issues. My guess is that this could also be a means to address some of the tattle-telling and complaining that seems to go on from time to time when things get a little heated (with associated disappearances and rumored bannings). Admins, do keep in mind that the First Amendment is truly what makes this country great. The remedy for speech you don't like is more speech, not censorship. We are the ones who choose to be hurt by words--we don't have to make that choice.

Frankly, I've always thought there were way too many sections for the number of people who regularly post. I don't know why they don't collapse them to 2 (I would keep a newcomer's section and then put everyone else into one in their newly labeled section). Newcomers are too raw, it's too much to think about everything that comes later.

Hope all of you are doing well!

Thanks for weighing in Own. Always nice to see you. Don't take this the wrong way - I'm not interested in what you think TPTB are trying to do here.

I want answers to my questions from TPTB.

1. How is this new set up going to support people who find themselves divorced

2.. How is this new set up different from the existing one

Two questions - no real answers.

And in deference to Cadet - I will take this to my thread, for the remaining time that I have one.

[OwnIt]

This is a business, a trademark, and a site featuring, promoting and selling copyrighted content. You would not walk into say, an aromatherapy business and create a scene because you can't buy motor oil. If you did, the owner would be within his rights to remove you. Go next door to the auto supply store and you don't even have to ask where they keep the motor oil, it will jump out at you.

Aren't all the old posts archived? They aren't active threads. Why would you still not be able to find them? Does it ruin your jam if your conversations are in a private group instead of a public one? Does the name of the banner at the top of the section matter?

Children in a sandbox need rules. Don't eat the sand. Don't throw it in each other's eyes. Don't bury people in it. Some things are contextual, temporal and situational. Back when we had a real supreme court and they grappled with defining pornography Justice Potter Stewart famously said "I know it when I see it." Sometimes that is the best and only explanation we are given.

Yes, it is interesting that they don't want to answer your questions (and humorous to me that they use circular reasoning to avoid doing so). But also interesting is that you are so insistent that they do. Sometimes the non-answer is the answer. Sometimes things happen to us in life that we have no control over, seem very ill-conceived, and are without explanation. Sound familiar? How do we respond to that? If it involves a mouse and his cheese, we are told some will sit and do nothing and die of starvation, some will whine and complain and then go look for the cheese, and some will just say hey, there is no more cheese here, I'd better go find some more.

[Mach40]

I will follow rules as it is important. I would like messages to work, so if I need to message someone I can.
Post Divorce is critical and using DB principals are very relevant. As I am finding out.

[DnJ]

Hello Mach40

I believe in the framework and rules of the site. I am glad you see their importance as well.

Peer to peer in site messaging is disabled on purpose. Anonymity of posters is one of the foundation principles. And rather important when embroiled within one’s situation.

Have a great evening man.

D

[DnJ]

Good Morning All

We had to work out a couple o’ bugs with the new forum. Thank you to those that reported the problems and helped with testing and fixing. I’m pleased to say that things were corrected speedily. Even the edit feature works (for ten minutes after submission).

Please feel free to create a thread on Ongoing Divorce Busting. And report any other errant bugs you may find.

DnJ

[Rockon]

Good morning DnJ,

How are you doing? What’s new with you? Signs of a spring thaw on any horizons?

Kinda feels like everybody skipped town and didn’t say where they were going.

Keep on rockin