Quotes Found on Divorce Busting (14)

[Ready2Change]

https://www.divorcebusting.com/forums/ubbthreads.php?ubb=showflat&Number=2945688#Post2945688

Divorce can be a brutally hard, life-changing event.

But there’s every possibility you will look back on this time as your finest hour.

One day when you’re looking back, you’ll be immensely proud that you tried to save it, that you worked hard on your flaws, that you got out of your comfort zone to sing “The Wheels On The Bus” … and perhaps, whether your marriage is saved or not, it was the best thing that could have happened to you.

I came here four years ago, completely broken. I now look back on the last four years as the hardest, but also the best and most rewarding time of my life.

[Ready2Change]

https://www.divorcebusting.com/forums/ubbthreads.php?ubb=showflat&Number=2945789#Post2945789

Of course, affairs really cloud and confuse the situation. There is no martial problem that is going to become better by adding another person. OP1, OP2,… are all symptoms. Band-aids. A desperate attempt at feeling better. Such an illicit relationship is built upon lies and deceit. It’s like building on sand, it requires tremendous effort to keep things held together and stable. (By the way, I do realize your situation currently has no confirmed or suspected affair. Just sharing a bit of information. And for those reading your story too.)

[Ready2Change]

https://www.divorcebusting.com/forums/ubbthreads.php?ubb=showflat&Number=2945825#Post2945825

One tactical approach to help your journey towards becoming an 'emotional rock' is to hit the slow-motion button at the right moment. Slow-motion also helps in more prolonged situations, like simply living through your day. Often, one comes to conclusions or assumes a particular state of mind rather quickly, even when there are no immediate provocations like a live argument. Slow motion is to move through the state-machine of your mind slowly. It allows you to deliberate which path to take toward your next state. This deliberation involves becoming conscious of the nature of the input (e.g., a cruel jab at you two hours earlier or, at this moment, a sense of entitlement that you should not be discussing your problems with your sibling, etc.) and your own processing of that input.

[Ready2Change]

https://www.divorcebusting.com/forums/ubbthreads.php?ubb=showflat&Number=2945861#Post2945861

Detachment, indifference, and such are emotional states. Decisions made and actions taken based upon emotions usually lead to regret.

Stick to the path. You thought about things. Decided things. Before this moment. Before your temporary reprieve from your feelings. Follow that. Follow your reason.

With the emptiness and silence of W and her behavior, look inside yourself. Find you. Your values. Your motivations. Know thy self.

This void is temporary, and I suspect will unwind and reassert itself a few times. Do not fritter away your opportunity in all this. It’s still a grueling road to truly find peace and acceptance.

[Ready2Change]

https://www.divorcebusting.com/forums/ubbthreads.php?ubb=showflat&Number=2945877#Post2945877

I'm struggling at times, but I just think after a while you gotta say 'F it', and focus on yourself (and kids).

One 'trick' that's seems to help me some is, every time I start to feel sad for the sitch, the demise of 15 years, the future plans, etc, I think to myself 'this person doesn't feel the same or share the same plans. Why would I let myself be hung up on someone like that?' It at least turns my mood from sadness to anger. After a while, my anger has lead to somewhat of an acceptance/detachment.

This probably isn't the best route to go, but I think you gotta find something that works for you. Something that keeps you from dwelling on the negatives of your situation. Whether that's GAL, some kind of mind trick, etc.

[Ready2Change]

https://www.divorcebusting.com/forums/ubbthreads.php?ubb=showflat&Number=1913882#Post1913882

What you do now will not fix your M, but everything you do now may fix your M.

That may not make a lot of sense but it is true. As your W works through this, she will remember how you treated her during this. How you reacted, how you either tried to direct her, or how you were there to just listen, be her friend.

Knowing that what she says is untrue, is good for you because it helps you to not sink to your rock bottom, but you don't have to throw it in her face each time either.

Validate, not defend. Show her that you are different. Don't try to tell her, she won't hear it right now. But she will see it. If it is true. Believe me, they know when it isn't. That alien radar works really well.

[Ready2Change]

https://www.divorcebusting.com/forums/ubbthreads.php?ubb=showflat&Number=2945885#Post2945885

Living in the past brings depression. Living in the future brings anxiety.

Living in the present brings peace and calm. Ground yourself in the present moment. Be in the present moment.

Dig for patience and let the future unfold on its time.

You are correct, H is dealing with many variables. Mute your expectations and let him deal with them. He is still walking his path on his timeline.

H needs to rebuild that which he destroyed. It’s part of his healing. This is not some mean holding back on your part, rather an allowing (and encouraging) him to catch up to you. After all, you’ve grown and healed significantly in this time. Be a beacon. Let him decide and choose to catch up.

[Ready2Change]

https://www.divorcebusting.com/forums/ubbthreads.php?ubb=showflat&Number=2945909#Post2945909

I’ve been having a lot of self reflection and am starting to quiet my mind more to process what I’m going through, what my emotions are telling me and who I am and what God is bringing me through. This is helping me to be more honest about myself..

The anger is settling and not driving me now like it did for awhile. It comes up, I recognize it, I acknowledge it, “I’m angry about that. That is wrong. That hurt me. I’m still healing from that.” Maybe some choice words to myself and an increased pace in my walk or run or intensity of that exercise set or riff on my guitar. And then I move through it (for now) and onto what I want to be doing. The sadness episodes can take a bit longer at times with some deep sobs and tears and pain.

[Ready2Change]

https://www.divorcebusting.com/forums/ubbthreads.php?ubb=showflat&Number=2945940#Post2945940

DBing requires you to GAL, learn who you are, find what makes you tick, navigate a separation calmly - and to become a confident, happy, accountable and independent person.

That’s a journey that takes time, and it needs to be 100% completed before you even consider another relationship.

[Ready2Change]

https://www.divorcebusting.com/forums/ubbthreads.php?ubb=showflat&Number=2945967#Post2945967

You have plenty to give. Even if your M does not survive, you need to be there for your children and for yourself, so you must redefine yourself - you are everything and more without your current wife. If the M survives, you will do everything to make it better. Even if it does not, become the best version of yourself because both you and your kids need that.