There is still one question that bothers me a bit. Was there another person involved or not? She is stating that she does not have anyone. I tend to trust her words, but everyone is saying that I am naive.
How often do women come out and admit to actual affair if there is one?
For example, even last week she was stating that she never felt appreciated, this relationship did not bring the best out of her or that I only cared/loved when I knew I will lose her/once she lost hope. I then asked if there is someone else who gives this to her and she replied: "I don't know" instead of yes or no.
She stated that we were not spending enough quality time together, but when I reminded that I begged to go on trips and attend some hobbies, I received: "but we were busy".
"It will be easier if you blame me for being coldhearted" - she said. It felt as if she is hurting and she admitted that time has to pass for her wounds to heal.
Would you say that these are the words that an unhappy spouse would typically say or a person who might be having an affair?
And another question, is amicable D even possible? What does is say about each spouse (dumper/dumpee) if they don't want amicable ending?
So I’ll ask the question. What changes if there is an affair? What happened to validating her feelings instead of being argumentative? Was this a common theme in your short marriage? Why can’t it be amicable? Would making it not amicable bring you closer to your goal or further away?
So I’ll ask the question. What changes if there is an affair? What happened to validating her feelings instead of being argumentative? Was this a common theme in your short marriage? Why can’t it be amicable? Would making it not amicable bring you closer to your goal or further away?
It would allow me to detach further if there was an affair. It helps to stop idealizing the person. I can not justify cheating, ever.
There was no common theme as there was no good amount of time in marriage.
Whenever I try to show empathy towards her or try to maintain warm communication on D or other topics, I get negative responses. Especially if there is something I can not fully agree with. I want it to be amicable. It would definitely help with my goal of trying to be a decent human being and (ex-)husband.
It would be nice if all those years were remembered as good memories rather than hurtful ending/times.
Assume she’s cheating if it makes it easier to detach.
She’s going to remain cold until you back off. She doesn’t want to give you false hope.
In time she will remember more good than bad.
I trust your words. Back to full no contact.
If you followed my thread, my 'as if' attitude actually made W happy because she thought I was completely on board with the D. Now, I assume she is cheating, and I talk to her as I would the clerk at the local convience store.
Married: 15yrs Ages: Me 49, W 44 Kids: S12 BD: around 4/14
I am back after a year and want to thank everyone who supported me during this journey. I believe I followed your advice to GAL, as I spent the past year off the forum, enjoying life and working on self-improvement. I am now somewhat at peace with the divorce, which was finalized early in 2024. Despite several conversations with my ex during the process, I still encountered resentment and blame, even when trying to be friendly and helpful. This experience truly highlighted that both of us still have much to learn about becoming kinder and more secure individuals.
XW left in December 2022, and sometime later, I met someone nice organically and we started dating for several months. Unfortunately, it turned out she had a fully avoidant attachment style. We had similar backgrounds—both being divorced—and shared great chemistry and connection, but she wasn't willing to be vulnerable and build a solid foundation. I'm still some time away from re-entering the standard dating scene, as there are aspects of myself that I want to improve and standards to set for future prosperous relationships. Despite the bumps in the road, the last 12 months have been amazing. I've traveled a lot, reconnected deeply with friends and family, met interesting new people, and fulfilled many of my dreams! Truly enjoying little moments! :))
As for my XW (29y), she did start a relationship with ~40y old men that I thought she had an affair with. So, I guess some of you were absolutely right He also, divorced from his marriage with kids. As far as other people told me they are planning wedding already and potentially having a child. Sounds like rushing, but I hope she finds peace and love. We share a lot of friends they sometimes leak something about her, but I am strictly in NC for a year now (apart from closing the divorce papers). She still sometimes watches my or my friends social media, even thought we do not follow each other. Perhaps it's her way of being curious. I guess I reached a place of love - wanting the best for her without wanting her back.
Once I am fully ready, I will continue my search for good partner. Tring to be kinder one day at a time
He also, divorced from his marriage with kids. As far as other people told me they are planning wedding already and potentially having a child. Sounds like rushing, but I hope she finds peace and love. We share a lot of friends they sometimes leak something about her, but I am strictly in NC for a year now (apart from closing the divorce papers). She still sometimes watches my or my friends social media, even thought we do not follow each other. Perhaps it's her way of being curious. I guess I reached a place of love - wanting the best for her without wanting her back. 