Well I have a spectrum of emotions. Great joy peace and progress in many ways - and king out of the country again was a huge step for me and I felt a sense of accomplishment. Worked at caring on the momentum back here. Sent out 3 consecutive night for me congruent with my values and being honest had setback this week and I’m doing what i know to do to be well through it and stay the course.
Rockon, I know you were fairly new to the forum when I started my journey & I've followed all your posts. I speak from no experience at all and feel blessed to have had guidance from people who have survived this trauma so please take anything I say with a pinch of salt (not sure that translates internationally).
My 21st wedding anniversary is near the end of June so I''m assuming a similar time to you? I'm not giving it a great deal of thought. I'm learning that when I focus on things like "what should have been", I can become tied to old narratives and stories which only serve to strengthen those big emotions. Don't get me wrong, this stuff isn't easy & I have to check out my intentions sometimes (did this tonight with DnJ). However, I do know it is much much easier when I let go of H. I hate that he wants someone & not me but if I stay focused on that, then the only person who suffers is me. I'm getting real joy from pushing myself outside my comfort zone. Trying new things that I wouldn't have done when with H. All this us with the intention of building my confidence. My aim is to feel comfortable in being alone. When I achieve this, then I'll know I'm ready for my next relationship.
You seem like a good man who cares a lot for his family, please try to look at what is best for you & what will help you move forward. Act as if you were never married. Look at how you can make your life richer for yourself. I remember at the start of this nightmare, I was going out, getting dressed up purely with the intention of H seeing me in the video doorbell to try & evoke a response. I now go out without giving him a second thought. It's for me. My enjoyment, my pleasure.
I have no expectations for the future but would like to end my life with a partner. This may be H but increasingly, I'm seeing that there are other possibly more favourable options.
Hi MA, I have been trying not to give the Anny too much thought and I’m doing better through the end of this week. Had some difficult days with emotions about it. Something important and helpful for me through this journey has been to work consistently at slowing things down, pausing, shifting myself out of gear and not just doing something or reacting to discomfort or fear.
I am also bringing ideas that I have to these boards and getting valuable input and yes sometimes rebukes. I can relate with what you are going through. I also am getting real joy from pushing myself out of my comfort zone. I have gone dancing 4 nights in the last week and it’s something that has always been very intimidating for me. And I have started to notice how much fun I’m having and that I have gone hours without giving W a thought.
That sounds fantastic Rockon, I love the dancing. Could you maybe do that on your anniversary? It would be great to do something you never would have previously done, gain great enjoyment from & can be focused and stay present on that difficult day. Good luck with it & keep the focus on you.
Enjoying a great Father’s Day. Went out to a sporting event with kids. Full of laughter and singing and food and then more singing and a whole lot more laughter. And then dinner with my dad and extended fam coming up.
R2C, I think everything from all of you is really helpful for me. This has been incredibly difficult and I want to stay focused on DB and doing what is right and being well.
I have been coming to the realization lately that I am good on my own. I have known for quite some time that I would be ok eventually alone. But I am accepting that now I am functionally single. And my family and I are doing better without W in many respects. So I am seeing evidence that I am moving forward. No I’m not planning to date though socializing as I have been has opened my eyes to that future possibility. Not ready for another relationship. And I do want to hone my DB skills.
Yes I get thrown for a loop (eg the upcoming anniversary) but I’m back on track here. Being honest means that I face ways that I am not doing well and acknowledge my process and the progress I am making. I have encountered some recent setbacks in the effects of ptsd. Booked some extra therapy sessions. I need to reinforce the discipline of morning exercise. I am starting to box again now that the ball season is over. Planning some camping trips.
